[Angelwngs25]

Ok, so I've been feeling this way for a while ever since a couple months after I got my own place that I really enjoy living alone. I have lived with my Fiance in the past for a year and well I wasn't on any Psych meds back then so things really didn't turn out well. We fought a lot during the year we lived together. And lately I have been thinking a lot about what I want in life and everything and I do want to be with my Fiance for the rest of my life, but I've had a lot of time to think about things and I have come to the decision that I would like to live alone possibly for the rest of my life, because I really enjoy my life as it is. Me and my Fiance did agree though that when/if he inherits the house where him and his parents and grandpa live that I will move in there with him.

I just enjoy living alone, I can do whatever I want when I want, I have my own space (literally and Physically) and if I want to and I do, I can lay around naked in my apartment. I have my cat, my dog, my birds (Cockatiels), my 3 Guinea Pigs and my few fish to keep me company. I enjoy having my own apartment. Plus, I can clean it as much or as little as I want (I say as little as I want, because I'm not very good when it comes to cleaning). I just am used to living alone and I don't really want that to change and I have realized that lately. I want to marry my Fiance in Disney World (where we plan on marrying) and I want to still live alone after we are married. Is it weird that I don't feel the want or the need to live with my significant other/future spouse?

I don't really see what the point is in getting married to someone you don't want to live with. You don't really believe in fidelity as you claim to have an open arrangement. You don't want to establish a real life with him if you are so set on living life your own way because you don't want to share your space or in any way change your life. You don't really plan even to have an actual wedding, but instead a hand fasting ceremony. If you just want to go to DisneyWorld, just take a vacation together. I just don't hear a great deal of commitment to establishing a new life with this man as a married couple.

[unaluna]

If it works for the two of you, why not? How does he feel about it? Are you planning on having children?

[divine1966]

If you plan on living alone after you marry I don't know why to get married? Also if two you fight a lot it might be a sign you might not be a good match. Relationships are hard as it is but I can't imagine how it is you fight! On top of it you don't think you need to be monogamous. So are you marrying for some other reasons? Like what?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rose76]

I'm a kindred spirit, in that I love being in a committed relationship, but I prefer having my own place. In my case, I just never married the guy I've been involved with for years and we don't live together. We did, for years at a time, more than once in the past.

What I do kinda works for me, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I've come to the conclusion that, if you don't get along well enough with a man to want to live with him, then you probably have little to gain by being committed to him.

It is nice to have someone you can depend on to go out with for dinner, or whatever. But what if one of you gets sick. My guy is now in poor health. I'm half nuts with running back and forth between his place and my place.

I would strongly encourage you to continue living on your own for another year and, then, reevaluate your plans. Between now and then, I would postpone the wedding.

If I were a friend of your fiance, I would strongly discourage him from marrying a woman who did not want to live with him.

Maybe the two of you are just a couple who should continue seeing each other, but are not yet ready to marry, and may never be.

Being on meds probably wouldn't make you living with him work out any better than it did the last time.

[Ocean Swimmer]

You mentioned that if he inherits the house you'd probably live with him.
Why? What difference would it make, unless you're thinking about rent money. Are you building a retirement plan together ?
Do you share assets now? Are you in a 50/50 state?

[divine1966]

I found comments about inheritance a bit interesting too. You don't want to live together yet you will if he Inherits the house. I don't know what to think about this

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

I don't see the point in marriage at all here.


Firstly, you're in an open relationship, (the opposite of marriage) then still add living separately into the mix (unless he inherits a house though) and what we have is NO ACTUAL REASON to be married.


Why not just stay together without the formalities, its much more logical. Doesn't mean you love each other any less, plenty people don't get married yet are committed to each other.

I am probably one such person, although I'm at least open to the idea of marriage now.


For a more obvious couple, take Oprah and Steadman for instance...


You asked if its weird, the answer is plain and simple yes, the other half of my answer is that if I were to bear witness to such a union I would think the marriage a complete joke.


But maybe that's just me, although I highly doubt that....

[Bill3]

I am wondering why you are asking if it is weird.

This proposed arrangement would have its pluses and minuses, just like any arrangement. Perhaps responses here can help you clarify the pluses and minuses. But if, after due deliberation, you and your fiance together decide that living apart is best for your marriage, what difference does it make if the arrangement is "weird"? What difference does it make if others don't see the point, or don't approve?

It sounds like you have already discussed this plan with your fiance, and it sounds like he is open to the concept. I am thinking that you would live together in his parents house because in that house there is sufficient room for you to have the aloneness and independence that you seek. Yes?

[Nammu]

Your relationship sounds more like that of parent and indulged child than it does two equals. I believe you are more in love with the idea of a wedding than you are with the idea of committing to a life long mutually supportive relationship. Rose had an excellent idea, that you should continue living on your own for at least a year then re-evaluate after that.

[Strive4health]

I don't see any reason wrong with not wanting to live together before marriage as many people don't agree with premarital cohabitation. However, after marriage your lives are going to be, and should be, lived together.

A lot of people might find this hard to believe, but there are a lot of people out there who are married but don't live with their spouses. They aren't divorced, they aren't separated; they're the type of people who just can't seem to get along living together and choose to live separately. Or, they live separately because of family. I know a lady who lives near me who moved here from overseas and her husband still lives overseas. She wears her wedding ring, talks about her husband and her kids and I don't have any indication from her she wishes to not be married.

To most people, it seems like a strange arrangement. In this situation, what is problematic to me is how it appears the OP and her fiance can't seem to work things out. A lot of couples who live together before marriage use that time to hash things out and figure out a way. For people like me, my husband and I didn't live together and we spent a good year figuring out how to work things out.

At the end of the day, regardless of your living arrangement, I think there are a lot of issues between you and your fiance that must get resolved. This might sound strange, but I think you do love your fiance and you enjoy being with him...but you aren't ready to get married. It's possible to be in love with someone for years and years, and not be ready to give up being single.

I think the whole relationship sounds a bit strange.

[Artchic528]

Sounds to me like you don't want to get married, or are not ready for marriage. You DO know what marriage is? Right?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Sounds to me like you don't want to get married, or are not ready for marriage. You DO know what marriage is? Right?

Yeah you wanna look at what the officiant says beforehand if possible. I was at the courthouse going, "hold on there a minute, say what?!"

[BreakForTheLight]

All you've written in your post is that you don't want to live with your fiance.... What does he want?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah you wanna look at what the officiant says beforehand if possible. I was at the courthouse going, "hold on there a minute, say what?!"

You never fail to make me spit my coffee unaluna.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by divine1966

You never fail to make me spit my coffee unaluna.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Omg its true! Now i get nervous - like ptsd flashbacks - whenever i see a wedding ceremony on tv. I grit my teeth. IRL weddings of cousins etc im okay though!

[divine1966]

When I was going through divorce my best friend ( totally the funniest person ever) became so disillusioned about married ( despite the fact that she herself is happily married) that every time we saw wedding party taking pictures in the park we lived by she would stop the car and stick her face put the window and scream " run girl run". I was afraid we get arrested lol lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Molinit]

I remember driving to court the day of my divorce hearing and I was driving saying to the people in front of my "Out of my way, Sir! I'm getting my divorce!"

[Artchic528]

I'm wondering if the OP is ever going to reply back.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I'm wondering if the OP is ever going to reply back.

Your snide response gave her every reason.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Your snide response gave her every reason.

Huh?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I'm wondering if the OP is ever going to reply back.

She often starts threads but never comes back or never responds to questions, unsure why

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[eskielover]

I have noticed the same thing....most of the threads that she starts she never replies to...but it doesn't mean that she doesn't read the replies even though she never acknowledges that she has.

Everyone has their own style here at PC.

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I have noticed the same thing....most of the threads that she starts she never replies to...but it doesn't mean that she doesn't read the replies even though she never acknowledges that she has.

Everyone has their own style here at PC.

Thank you for being supportive of me eskielover, I have been having some really rough days since I posted this post. I went to stay with my friend for 2 days and I forgot my meds so I went medless from Thursday night, Friday morning, Friday night, Saturday morning and then I started them again on Saturday night. I haven't been feeling well mentally ever since. Today for example I felt lethargic and like a zombie. So do me a favor people besides this person I am replying to. STOP ASSUMING THINGS!!!