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#1
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I'm almost 50, and was pretty darn shy in jr and high school, but soon after, started forcing myself to be more open..... I suppose it did have some benefits, in that I did get married, but....
I honestly miss being shy. I kinda miss just doing my own thing, content in pleasing only myself. Anyone else start off shy and then change, but miss being shy? I've been making an effort to be less open with people. I'd like to keep to myself more. Assertiveness is fine, but I'm over sharing my thoughts with people.
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My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
#2
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Do you want to switch?
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![]() shakespeare47, unaluna
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#3
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I think it's that I am naturally an introvert, but because of some external (and maybe internal) pressure, I made a deliberate effort to be more outgoing. Now it's almost a compulsion for me to share my feelings, and I wonder if I wouldn't be more happy in my natural introverted state.
I see other people, who appear to be happy, quiet, assertive introverts, and I'm a little jealous.
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
#4
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OK, there was a pressure that made you to be outgoing, now are they still there? I mean what does prevent you from becoming introvert again? I think introversion is something good. But introversion is different than shyness and social anxiety.
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#5
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I don't want social anxiety.
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
#6
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Of course you don't. It's a life's wrecker.
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![]() shakespeare47
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#7
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I like the idea of being present without being involved.
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
#8
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#9
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Even so as I already said I don't think being introverted in the most understood sense is necessary, just learn to say no when asking to be a part of a group more ![]() |
![]() shakespeare47
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#10
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Is it that you've shared things with people who haven't really gotten you? If you are open with the right people you might feel more fulfilled.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
#11
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__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
#12
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__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
#13
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I've thought about writing books and articles as an outlet. I know it would be cathartic.
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; May 27, 2016 at 06:57 AM. |
![]() TishaBuv
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#14
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Why do you wish you could keep it in? Why would writing it as books and articles be better? Doesn't that have to do with finding your audience? Does it have to do with getting paid for your knowledge?
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__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
#15
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And the point is, I don't care if I get paid, or even if I have an audience. I'd just write, because that's what I enjoy doing. And perhaps the audience part is part of it. Sometimes, in social situations, it's like I'm forcing people to listen (because they're stuck in the classroom, or party or whatnot w/ me) and I don't want to force anyone to do anything. Writing would be better because I'd be anonymous (so impervious to reactions), I would be free to explore any topic I like, for as long as I like, and I wouldn't be forcing anyone to pay attention to me.
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; May 27, 2016 at 10:26 AM. |
#16
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#17
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Is it a defense mechanism.......the compulsion to talk?
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#18
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Identifying the cause of your compulsion to talk and trying to find ways to redirect that energy/feeling or change it would be much better than becoming an introvert again.
Are the compulsive things you say relevant to a situation? Random? How do you know people are actually annoyed by you? Talking a lot doesn't automatically make you annoying, if what you say strongly supports the topic- or if you start the topic- it is something people want to discuss and they will also engage and you wont be left hanging. unless what you say is difficult to engage with or out of place, too abstract, or unrelated to the orinigal course of the conversation, and also if you repeat things, etc. If a lot of what you say ends up being rather close ended, it can also be difficult for others to continue the flow of a conversation and you end up the only one talking. Do you have any problems with your attention span? People with poor attention spans, or people who think several thoughts at once are more likely to trail on in a conversation and lose peoples interest in the conversation as a result.
__________________
![]() No ones reality is ever alike.
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#19
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What I'm trying to express, is that I'd love to find an outlet for my need to talk about whatever I need to talk about for as long as I like. To explore topics and possibilities.
I do like to have some input from an audience. But, for now, it seems I need to be sensitive to the fact that I may be holding people hostage, in that they can't get away while I'm talking (in the situations I'm referring to). One possible solution is to write books and articles, then publish them, so that, if the audience likes what I'm saying, they can pay attention, if not, they can dismiss me. My preference would be to become the type of person who is attentive to the situation, and is cautious about how he is speaking to a captive audience. All the while thinking about the topics that come up, so that he can write about them later. Another option is that perhaps I shouldn't care so much....and also think about and react to the reactions I get in real life, and also use them in my writings, and continue to behave as I am currently behaving. I don't remember the last time anyone made an obvious reference (request, observation, complaint, criticism, etc)to how my speech was coming across in a group. But, I think there may have been some subtle hints, and it's the possibility of those hints that is giving me pause (and it's possible that my own embarrassment is also an accurate form of hint).
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; May 29, 2016 at 01:39 PM. |
![]() newday2020
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#20
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I have been in group situations where one person takes over and it can cause resentment, as a facilitator this can be hard to deal with, but I have literally talked over people to draw in quieter group members (not easy for me as a quieter person myself, but it has to be done for the over all good of the group). I wish everyone had the self-awareness you have! |
![]() shakespeare47
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![]() newday2020, shakespeare47
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#21
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I had to leave a church because of an overbearing pastor. He just talks SO much!!
I get triggered back to the dominated child. ![]() |
![]() shakespeare47
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#22
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I do feel an anxiety about saying or doing the "wrong thing" in public. I admire comedians their ability to say and do outrageous things, and yet not feel embarrassed.
I both fear and desire the ability to say and do outrageous things without apology or embarrassment. I think my struggle may have arisen because I remember that I've said and done things in public that I later regret...usually because they go against my morals. So, I don't quite trust myself to always say and do the right things. It's like I know I need to think about and moderate my actions and speech, in order to prevent myself from saying or doing things that I might regret.
__________________
My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; Jul 11, 2016 at 12:28 PM. |
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