Do emotional people annoy you or not?

Katieissweet · Mar 19, 2016, 09:50 PM

I don't mean behaving badly,but just not putting up a front of respectability or containment,just being free spirited or natural.

Mar 19, 2016, 09:59 PM

I don't believe we humans are good by nature. Most people would do nasty things if they knew there are no consequences to their behaviors.

We humans have a part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex that modulates our instinctive behaviors and thoughts. We cannot prevent the instinctive impulses, but we can control them to be part of a society and to cooperate with others. If you mean by being natural and free spontaneous and genuine, then I agree. But if you meant to express every impulse you have, then I disagree. We need to put some mask to interact with people, by keeping our inner cave man/woman under the surface.

Mar 19, 2016, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

I don't mean behaving badly,but just not putting up a front of respectability or containment,just being free spirited or natural.

What if being respectful and contained IS a person's natural personality? You seem to assume that cannot be a person's true nature, but many people are just calmer, quieter, more peaceful, more introspective, etc. by nature. That doesn't mean they are suppressing their emotions necessarily. Where is it written that the only "real" emotions are the ones outwardly expressed? People can be very in touch with their emotions and just not be the type to have their emotions hanging out for everyone else to see and deal with; they prefer to experience their in a more personal, introspective way.

Katieissweet · Mar 20, 2016, 12:04 AM

Yes that is very true,important to think about.
Im thinking of someone like Lucy honeychurch from room with a view where there is a need to be oneself and not too mannered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

What if being respectful and contained IS a person's natural personality? You seem to assume that cannot be a person's true nature, but many people are just calmer, quieter, more peaceful, more introspective, etc. by nature. That doesn't mean they are suppressing their emotions necessarily. Where is it written that the only "real" emotions are the ones outwardly expressed? People can be very in touch with their emotions and just not be the type to have their emotions hanging out for everyone else to see and deal with; they prefer to experience their in a more personal, introspective way.

passionfruit3 · Mar 20, 2016, 05:31 AM

I get annoyed by emotional people though i try not to its hard im a self harmer and i feel like pain is a weakness whenyou show emotion your showing pain therefore you are weak and that annoys me at least that's how i look at it

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divine1966 · Mar 20, 2016, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

I don't mean behaving badly,but just not putting up a front of respectability or containment,just being free spirited or natural.

Being free spirited and not well mannered will get you fired from many jobs. Plus being well behaved is natural for many people

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divine1966 · Mar 20, 2016, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

I don't believe we humans are good by nature. Most people would do nasty things if they knew there are no consequences to their behaviors.

We humans have a part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex that modulates our instinctive behaviors and thoughts. We cannot prevent the instinctive impulses, but we can control them to be part of a society and to cooperate with others. If you mean by being natural and free spontaneous and genuine, then I agree. But if you meant to express every impulse you have, then I disagree. We need to put some mask to interact with people, by keeping our inner cave man/woman under the surface.

I am very sorry you think people are naturally bad. You are meeting some rotten people then.

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divine1966 · Mar 20, 2016, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

I don't mean behaving badly,but just not putting up a front of respectability or containment,just being free spirited or natural.

I am content and respectable. My life is currently very satisfying. It doesn't make me not natural.

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11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am very sorry you think people are naturally bad. You are meeting some rotten people then.

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Mostly I don't meet rotten people, but this doesn't mean they are good by nature. People change their initial responses. If you think someone is good by nature, as if he/she doesn't get mad or jealous or aggressive, then that person is not a human being. Haven't you had the experience that you felt so annoyed from someone, but then you did something else that was more acceptable than being aggressive and violent because it brings a more favorable result? OK, search the Internet when some police departments went on strike and see what happened. I think humans are good as long as there are consequences to their behaviors. Why do you think there are governments and law enforcement forces and religions if people are "good" by nature??!!!!! People killed each others on a football (soccer) game, for God's sake!!! You just deny the human nature. We aren't divine. "Good by nature" is not an accurate statement. Also watch babies how they act and behave. We teach them to be good because the outcome is more favorable. Otherwise, leave them to their nature and let's see the goodness in them!!

divine1966 · Mar 20, 2016, 11:32 AM

People have good and bad in them but saying that all people are just bad and they all just pretend to be good to avoid consequences is just not based on reality. People do kill each other on a soccer game but not everyone does, not everyone has the same mind set. "Some" do.

It's is just generalization and oversimplifying things. "All" "always" "never" etc all are generalizations. Get to know more people ( even then you won't know them all). Life is more complicated and so are people. We aren't all the same.

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12:21 PM

Again you play what I disclosed of personal information against me. This is the third time you do that. I appreciate if you don't do that again. You try to belittle my personal experience and knowledge just because you are more social. By the way, if you were good by nature as you claimed you are, you wouldn't do that. You are outright blunt in your responses to many threads. I wonder what you meant by that you "are naturally good" then!!

You seem to fail to understand what I'm saying. You just ignored the part where I say we modulate our initial responses because the outcome would be more favorable. Does that make us bad or good? By nature, I think we aren't good, but as per our final expressed behaviors and thoughts we are mostly good. You do good, because you expect something good in return. This is called reciprocity. You don't do good for humans who don't reciprocate, do you? Even when you do something good without immediate reciprocation, like making a donation, you do it because it makes you feel good about yourself, and because it gives you some social reputation, and may be a topic to talk about with your friends and acquaintances that you are charitable. We aren't even good by nature to our children. We just cannot be. No one human being is good by nature. Not you not me not anyone, not even the saints. We could be both good and bad in behavior, I agree with that. But we're more inclined to the demon part of our nature, especially when the triggers are there. But again we weigh the possible outcomes before we act.

divine1966 · Mar 20, 2016, 01:26 PM

We just have to disagree. You think by nature people are all not good. I don't know what you base it on and I don't think it matters. I just don't agree. I am not sure what personal information you are referring to. I don't recall any personal info you disclosed, many people post on here. in general i am not in support of generalizations. We can disagree though. That's perfectly fine. We are all different and have different life experiences and see life differently.

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06:40 PM

You have a profound misunderstanding of human nature. Just look at the bloody history of humanity. Of course it doesn't matter for you, because you don't want to see what contradicts your subjective view. You're the one who needs to provide evidence. Your subjective view of yourself and others is not reliable. People convince themselves of things. It doesn't mean they are true. People just learn to behave well. They aren't naturally behaving well. This is an illusion people create to feel good may be about themselves.

Nammu · Mar 21, 2016, 07:04 PM

I'm sorry you world is so dark and so negative you can not allow anyone to have a different view point.

11:35 PM

My world isn't dark or negative, but we aren't divine creatures. That's all. If you consider that dark and negative, then it's not my problem, and thus don't be sorry, keep it to yourself. Governments, laws, and social systems are designed to suppress the demons of our nature. We learn to be better, we aren't born well-behaved. I don't have a problem with people behaving good, but this doesn't mean they are "naturally good", as if negative thoughts and scenarios don't cross their mind at all. The Saints are the first people to say that they are the worst, because they know their own thoughts and nature even if they are alone in the desert. Describing oneself as "naturally good" is kind of an arrogant statement. At best we are neither good nor bad, but circumstances make us so. You still can behave good in a bad situation (or any situation that triggers an instinctive thoughts, like two different teams triggers the mind to classify people to in group and out group), but you need to exert some effort because it's not natural but the outcome is more favorable. We use our long term thinking when expressing our thoughts. That's why the pre-frontal cortex was evolved in the first place.

s4ndm4n2006 · Mar 22, 2016, 12:55 PM

For me, it's never a question of whether someone is emotional or not. It's not about those things that would make me annoyed. it's what they do when emotional. Behavior matters to me more than anything and I would guess most people. You can be emotional and not be one to get out of control. heck you can be an unemotional person and be out of control sometimes. Really people that annoy me are ones that when they are not coping well, lean on me more than themselves. I can't do for you things that you have to learn to do for yourself so after a time if someone keeps doing that to me, expecting support, it gets tiresome.

Sunset88! · Mar 22, 2016, 08:35 PM

This depends. Between being emotional due to a trauma such as a death, emotional due to that time of the month, or emotional for attention. Each has their own diagnosis and each can be merritted. Thing is to be completely frank, emotional people are the most sincere and the most troubled. Yes they can be annoying, but damn it they can be the strongest hand to hold. In this world you got to choose your hard. What legacy do you want to impact/ pass on?

Mar 23, 2016, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

I'm like you and have asked myself the exact SAME questions over and over again for years
Two insights I had on the way:

- The people who seemed to get really uncomfortable with my being emotional had their own troubles they didn't or couldn't talk about at that time. Of course I only found that out later. It isn't always possible to listen and communicate when you have your head full

- It is really hard to read someones behaviour when there's lots of emotion involved. It IS stressful to deal with another person's emotions.

So I constantly find myself on both sides of the table. I try to understand the other person, but also I refuse to give up on expressing my feelings. On the other hand, I can't be a good supporter at all times myself. To a certain extent, to have authentic relationships it is necessary to talk about the real stuff I think. But it has to be a process in which both parties need to show respect for boundaries.
Just my 2 cents

Thank you for starting this thread, I'll be following!

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I'm glad to hear that you and a few other people like this thread-

I try to listen to other people and not be as reactive at times. It's hard to do for me sometimes. I'm better than I used to be.

It does seems like a lot of people feel uncomfortable expressing strong emotions that they think are either negative or anything that might make them seem a little to emotional, good or bad. Especially in the U.S. Maybe a lot of people don't like being vulnerable? Also, maybe some people think that it signifies a lack of control if anything is expressed to strongly? Hhhmm......

Mar 23, 2016, 01:36 PM

What I do find annoying where emotions are concerned, is when people b!tch and moan about the same shyt different day, instead of doing something about whatever it is that pains them.

Hope that made sense.[/QUOTE]
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Same here.

Mar 23, 2016, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xaldin

It's a tricky concept...

I'm a pretty sensitive guy, but I tend not to show it. It's sort of a guy thing when it comes to appearing stoic. We still haven't really evolved out of the stereotype that boys and men are supposed to be tough. While it is progressing better these days, but for whatever reason it's still typically viewed negatively.
I think also a lot of guys (myself included) tend to be much more prideful than women.

Anyways, I think the average person may find dealing with some one emotional slightly distressing. They may not know how to help or that have their own issues so they don't want to have to deal with some one else's. Another possibility is that they are reserved on helping because if they do it once... there is a pretty good chance they will come back to you again. Think about it... if you were the person that actually decided to help, you would most likely to be the first that they will go back to. So they probably don't want to having to keep dealing with the person, probably because if they turn them down the next time they end up feeling guilty over it.

When it comes to some one telling you to calm down or relax... it depends on the person sometimes. For example say.. a co-worker tells you this. It's sort of a default response because they probably don't understand or are able to empathize with your situation. So the "knee-jerk" response is to just say to calm down or relax, because that's all they know that they can do. So for those kind of people, try the best you can to not take it personal. Which can be hard to do some times, believe me lol.
Now if it came from your husband... Hmm, well I don't know the circumstances so let me take a shot in the dark here. He may have told you that in hopes that if you are more calm, you would be able to better explain what the deal is. Maybe the reason he is so stoic about it because logically it doesn't make sense for the both of you to be stressing out.
I know it tends to drive guys nuts when their wife/girlfriend tells them "It stresses me out that you aren't stressed out!!" The claim that guys don't care. Personally, that's just an absurd argument. There's a huge difference about not caring and being calm about a situation. You should NEVER force stress on some one else just because you are.

But I suppose that is just my opinion.

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Thanks for offering a males point of view. It's to bad that most men in general are taught to act a certain way due to societal conditioning. As for my husband, he just isn't that emotional about stuff that doesn't concern him. He can get emotional about politics and his family, but not much else usually.

He's just a stoic guy and to much noise from anyone bothers him. He'll get very agitated when anyone around us talks to much. I don't think that he can really relate to emotions that well aside from the physical ones of course like hunger, etc....It's a wonder that we've managed to stay married for as long as we have! And it helps that I don't need to talk to him all the time. I tend to be quieter than most people I know.

Mar 23, 2016, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

It's just another kind of emotional.

Yeah, I have a short tolerance for too much emotional drama. Probably comes from spending way too much time with teenagers (24/7 actually). I have an extreme amount of patience, but sometimes enough is enough already.

Edited to add: Sorry, you asked us to be specific about what gets annoying. I guess for me it is the melodrama over relatively small matters. I mean, if a person gets all upset over something trivial, how the heck are they going to deal with life when life gets real on them? It guess it's a perspective thing. I have a husband who has lived in chronic debilitating pain for 31 years. I have friends who have terminally ill children, spouses, etc. I have a friend going through a heart transplant. I have friends who have lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet. My cousin lost her house in a devastating 100-year flood. My future daughter-in-law's best friend has just been diagnosed with a very rare disease that has had her confined to a hospital bed since January. Etc, etc, etc.

So then I run into someone throwing a fit because someone didn't "like" their post on FB, or freaking out because they got a C on that test instead of an A, or crying buckets because their friend said something to them they didn't like. I get those things are upsetting, but when the reaction is so far out of proportion to the actual severity and seriousness of the event, I just want to say "Take a deep breath, go find something else to think about for awhile, and this too shall pass." I don't (unless it is someone I know well enough to feel free to speak to that way), but it sure crosses my mind. It's fine to be upset, but somewhere a person has to gain some perspective or life is going to really be a shocker down the road when something truly upsetting and life changing actually happens . . . and it will.

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I don't like overly dramatic people either unless they are on t.v or in a movie usually, lol. Wow, you sure have your hands full with dramatic teenagers to deal with! I don't have kids, so I can only imagine how trying it must be to deal with teenagers all the time!

Hopefully they'll grow up and grow out of this stage sooner or later!

Mar 23, 2016, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

It's just another kind of emotional.

Yeah, I have a short tolerance for too much emotional drama. Probably comes from spending way too much time with teenagers (24/7 actually). I have an extreme amount of patience, but sometimes enough is enough already.

Edited to add: Sorry, you asked us to be specific about what gets annoying. I guess for me it is the melodrama over relatively small matters. I mean, if a person gets all upset over something trivial, how the heck are they going to deal with life when life gets real on them? It guess it's a perspective thing. I have a husband who has lived in chronic debilitating pain for 31 years. I have friends who have terminally ill children, spouses, etc. I have a friend going through a heart transplant. I have friends who have lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet. My cousin lost her house in a devastating 100-year flood. My future daughter-in-law's best friend has just been diagnosed with a very rare disease that has had her confined to a hospital bed since January. Etc, etc, etc.

So then I run into someone throwing a fit because someone didn't "like" their post on FB, or freaking out because they got a C on that test instead of an A, or crying buckets because their friend said something to them they didn't like. I get those things are upsetting, but when the reaction is so far out of proportion to the actual severity and seriousness of the event, I just want to say "Take a deep breath, go find something else to think about for awhile, and this too shall pass." I don't (unless it is someone I know well enough to feel free to speak to that way), but it sure crosses my mind. It's fine to be upset, but somewhere a person has to gain some perspective or life is going to really be a shocker down the road when something truly upsetting and life changing actually happens . . . and it will.

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Also, sorry to hear about your friends too-

Mar 23, 2016, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Only my mom comes to mind as being overly emotional in general. Yes, she is very annoying. She is too easily offended, thinks everything is a conspiracy, goes off on people telling them off and making a scene, rants about all the injustices in her life and how miserable she is, keeps telling the same stories over and over during these rants until I got PTSD from it, her face is contorted into a sour puss, she screams and curses at mostly my dad, she only wants to talk about her books that she writes and how great they are.

I have had to learn to keep a distance and only see her briefly.

But, no, emotional people don't annoy me. In my job I deal with very emotional people and I am very good with them. I feel for them and try to ease their stress the best I can.

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Sorry to hear about your mom. Does she have a histrionic or narcissistic personality disorder? It sounds like she does have one or the other. My mom kind of sounds like your mom at times! My mom is better than she used to be, but god, she is a huge nag, and she seems to have the worst ADD ever. She is always saying HUH?

And I have to repeat myself constantly to get an answer. She tends to pause for a very, very, long time before giving an answer like she's spacing out, ugh! She can talk and talk, and interrupt me just to talk more, ugh! And when I ask her a direct question, she'll talk about an entirely different thing! So like you, I have to avoid her as much as I can for the sake of my sanity. All she does is complain and criticize me and everyone else most of the time, ugh!

You sound like a caring and empathetic person. I wish that more people were like you!

Mar 23, 2016, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

I find white people esp. From the upper and middle classes very contained,not as emotional,etc etc,same with asians very contained.
but not so the White lower classes they are wild and very emotional have fights etc.
Im very emotional and romantic and I have no interest in becoming a cold,rational,robot.
You go girl!

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That's interesting. I'm biracial. I'm not always emotional. Sometimes I hold in my emotions to keep the peace. It's not always easy for me to do though as I like to be direct and communicate openly with people.

I'm not loud, but I'm not a robot either. I don't want to be a robot, but I do hate being as sensitive and emotional at times. It makes life harder for sure, especially when most people seem to be sort of indifferent, apathetic, insensitive, and thoughtless sometimes.

Mar 23, 2016, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

I don't believe we humans are good by nature. Most people would do nasty things if they knew there are no consequences to their behaviors.

We humans have a part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex that modulates our instinctive behaviors and thoughts. We cannot prevent the instinctive impulses, but we can control them to be part of a society and to cooperate with others. If you mean by being natural and free spontaneous and genuine, then I agree. But if you meant to express every impulse you have, then I disagree. We need to put some mask to interact with people, by keeping our inner cave man/woman under the surface.

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I agree with what you said. I've heard of the term lizard brain before, lol. It's funny to how we evolved, but in some ways, we are still the same in some ways.

A lot of people still follow the herd mentality since we still need others in order to survive. I read that our ancestors knew that by not conforming to society's standards meant that they would become an outcast. We've come a long way since then, but some people have never lost that mentality sadly.

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