I'm just numb and sick from the stress.
We argue today over the build up that grows inside me from the unsettled arguments.

We argue, he says things, i say things. Go to sleep and pretend everything is fine. That's his way. I on the other hand am haunted by the things said. I need a resolve and know what was truth and what was anger. I need to talk to figuer out how not to have the same argument. I don't try to hold grudges but i kinda do. I need to make-up.

He doesnt get this. Rather not talk since it leads to arguing....
Ok

So how do you work on things?

Oh let's just stop fighting. Ok...

Saying it doesn't make it happen.

Things got heated. I told him to go find a ***** since he's had a history of doing that when things get hard. He said if there was one to go to right now he would be there.

Im crushed. Cant eat. Just want to medicate myself to sleep. When I'm sleeping i feel nothing.

I know i deserve better.
I know that if he was unfaithful he may be again and i deserve better.

I'm still crushed.

I made a commitment to him to work though anything. I have seen all his ugly sides at the very beginning and chose to love him regardless.
We are both bipolar.

Im in treatment he's not

Im in a really depressed space right now and he's just agitated at the slightest reason. Been like this for a couple months.

Now this.

Don't know if we will come back from this.

Don't know if i want to.

I just need to let this out in a place where i don't have to fear judgment or hear how i should leave him.

Should should should. I hate that word.

I should have never been with him in the first place if i really want to be honest with myself.

[Bill3]

[~Christina]

I'm sorry your dealing with all this.

Of course you both being Bipolar is going to cause many difficulties at times. Is there a reason he's not addressing his BP ?

Is Marriage counseling an option? If it is or isn't I would certainly think you would benefit having a T. You can build yourself up and learn better ways to communicate with him, I am not saying you need to make all the changes , it does take 2 to fight. But your very unhappy with how you hold things in then explode...

It's quite possible if he sees you making changes he would be willing to look at himself .

I think everyone needs to learn how to fight fair. My husband and I went through a real rough time fighting, crying and lots of resentment on both sides. So we decided to just be kind to each other, sounds silly but we stopped arguing, we would email each other.. because in an email you can backspace in real life a mouth can't and all kinds of ugly can be slung around and some words can't be taken back. We stopped interupting each other when we needed to discuss things, He talked I listened, I talked he listened. You cant hear the other person if your busy defending yourself.

My husband and I had a bit of a tiff the other day over frozen bread for goodness sake! I hate frozen bread and he hates to waste anything.. So compromising was needed on both are parts.. I realized I can handle that stuff if I make toast ...but for sandwiches I want fresh bread ... 4 years ago we would start arguing about bread and then both of us would start unloading all the stuff that were repressing and before you knew we were yelling about stuff that happen 10 years ago..

So I think its important to put old constant arguments to rest and stop pulling them out in to the future, its so easy to fall into that stuff and you will never get anywhere.

I hope you both are able to set aside the anger and work on the fracture that is happening to your relationship.

Christina, thank you so much for your advice.

I have tried to do several of the things you mentioned and i did notice him being better when i was working harder at being better.
It's almost like my down fall excuses him to do the same.

I have such a hard time letting go and things are so much better when i don't drag up the past, it's just hard not to do when I'm already in such a bad head space.

We were doing better than ever up until a couple months ago. Disagreements stayed on topic and things didn't get out of control. If i take a calm approach and direct the situation the outcome is so much better.


Its just exhausting to be the guide of a relationship when i have my own demons i fight with.

Counseling would be great for us i believe but he just won't.

I continue to work on myself. It's just been really really hard lately and my mood going down and several stressful situations have put us back in a place we were over a year ago.

I thought we would never be back here.

Its so great to hear that you and your husband have gotten through the rough times. I admire such relationships where you refuse to completely give up on one another.

Thanks again for reading and replying.

Seems appropriate to look up this old thread of mine since he's leaving..... Again

This is probably a large contributing factor to my issues....

My life is a f*cking ***** show.

[divine1966]

Have you considered leaving him?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by divine1966

Have you considered leaving him?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Many times. Its like my head knows and feels strong and my heart screams like this little girl not to be "left".

I have abandonment issues, clearly.

I can go on and on why but i just have severe abandonment issues.

I have kicked him out then cried about him leaving and why would he do that and he should fight to stay.

It's sick and pathetic and unhealthy and I'm sure a bunch of other words.

Sigh

😔😔😔

[healingme4me]

thanks for bringing this thread back to the surface, it sheds light on begging for affection. It also brings forth the mention of wanting to be that couple that doesn't throw in the towel. A relationship that gains respect and admiration from those outside the relationship.

I know of a few couples that have dug in for the duration. Cheating, as implied of your h running to bleeps is not part of their marriages and neither is withheld affection. One marriage I know that one partner wound up being treated for mi, but the spouse was upset and beside themselves and willing to learn and respect. They've had their fair share of ups and downs and yes I know them very well.

Withheld affection leaves me scratching my head as that's huge for relationship survival. Gentle non sexual as well as...