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#1
Jul 12, 2007, 12:41 PM
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Is this okay??? I've reached this point where I don't want it any more! I marvel at this mindset I have now, regarding men, and yet I don't want to extend even my little finger in that direction now! I do realize that much of this attitude has to do with the disastrous attempts I've made since my divorce 11 years ago. I honestly, naively thought I'd find happiness with a partner after being married unhappily for 20 years, and plunged into it with my all, only to be deeply hurt and disappointed. Now...honestly, the thought of extending affection, and horrified at the thought of sexual intimacy, being vulnerable, seems out of the question for me forever hereafter! Also, and this is bad to admit, but at age 56, when I pass men my age or a little older in my comings and goings, I kinda say "yuck!" to myself~! Who wants to be with THAT! Bad to admit, I know! (and I'm sure they think the same of me!
 ) Is is so bad to just be lazily content alone? Patty |
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#2
Jul 12, 2007, 03:23 PM
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its not bad to not want a relationship with men....i partly think though that its a defense mechanism somewhere in your system....what about just very relaxed friendships with a few men? Make sure they know all you want are friendships....and dont think of this as a relationship...think of it as just expanding your friendships? why not try that....and go from there....but i must admit...you dont need to be in a relationship, or need a man, to be happy...if your content within yourself....dont feel you need to jump into a relationship....be happy with your individualism ....i know you are strong and independent....be proud.....we are all proud of you here....good luck
love, inny
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"You look at me, and you dont like what you see. But this is the price of living with you, Mother. " - White Oleander |
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#3
Jul 12, 2007, 03:30 PM
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I don't think there is a thing wrong with that. I think though I would if I were single be looking at younger men lol
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#4
Jul 12, 2007, 03:37 PM
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I feel that way to at times.I just want to take things slow.Be friends with guys. Maybe have a romance bloom with one of them.Guys better be patient.Because i'm not willing to jump in a relationship right away.I'm more attracted to guys younger than me. Guys in their mid to late 20's.I'm 36 and half the guys my age in my area have beer belly's.There are only a few guys that are not well built that i find attractive.I like the Teddy bear types and other types.
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Check out some of my favorite bands www.myspace.com/12stones www.myspace.com/3rddayofmay www.myspace.com/strata |
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#5
Jul 12, 2007, 04:11 PM
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Patty -- I'm a few years older than you are (59). I do not find men my age sexually attractive. I assume I am not particularly sexually attractive anymore either, as they all seem to want younger hotties.
Yes, I've been very hurt, and a man would have to do more than I could reasonably expect to overcome that. Not wanting it anymore seems to me to be a good thing. Dance naked in the moonlight and celebrate. I can't bring myself to date or think about having a relationship. I don't think that's the same thing as "not wanting" -- I just cannot deal with the whole thing and haven't been able to for the past 4 years. I had some casual "dates" with a man in NOLA in '04, and I realized at that time that I wasn't ready or able -- and I'm still not. So glad you feel content.
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#6
Jul 12, 2007, 04:19 PM
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patty, i know where you're coming from but i want to know if it's okay if i run willy-nilly through the deep end of the dating pool for awhile long???????????????
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#7
Jul 12, 2007, 04:57 PM
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I am in a current relationship and wonder why. I am not happy....if I had to do it over again he would not have moved in with me. He is not a bad person at all.....I think I am growing in a different direction than he is....
Snow
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SNOWFLAKE |
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#8
Jul 12, 2007, 06:03 PM
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Hey...After posting this topic and leaving the computer for a few hours, I started wishing I hadn't written about this, but I see others here feel similarly!
pat...girl! You go willy-nilly all you can! I also felt it was biased of me to say that about older men (men my age!), and realize our society is so youth-focused! I want to respond to some of the individual comments, and will do so later. Patty |
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#9
Jul 12, 2007, 06:17 PM
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Hey it's ok not to be attracked to men your age.Don't feel guilty about what you said.I feel the same way to.I might add i like guys a bit better. Not just because of how they look. But younger guys seem like they can keep up with me better.They more than likely have the same taste in music as me.
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Check out some of my favorite bands www.myspace.com/12stones www.myspace.com/3rddayofmay www.myspace.com/strata |
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#10
Jul 13, 2007, 10:12 AM
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Ooooooh, perhaps I would like to have a guy 15-20 years younger than I am -- in his 40s -- secretly, I think I still look pretty good bodywise but want a face and neck list. Not to please men. To please me when I look in the mirror.
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#11
Jul 13, 2007, 01:59 PM
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Wants!...I could use a total body lift! LOL!
In my naive belief in love, I think appearances shouldn't matter so much as we age, but the harsh reality is that youth sells! On the other hand, my wrinkles and sags are the result of my life! who I am...and I kinda like them! I'm the Velveteen Rabbit! patty |
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#12
Jul 13, 2007, 10:37 PM
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cellulite just appeared in my world. i'm hurt. i thought i had it outrun. support stockings are probably next.
i've grown this mane of curly hair (well, a perm did the curls" and i am going to shake it a lot and look at men, under my eyelashes. they're still thick and nice. patty, it's okay to date......it really is. i'm going to.....let's double date.......xoxoxo pat |
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#13
Jul 14, 2007, 11:49 AM
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OK, I can see you saying yuck at some fat pig slob of a guy but, at 51, I'm in great shape and work out nearly everyday.
NO beer belly, no rotten teeth, and I shower everyday. Personally, I wouldn't want some young thing. I like women in good shape over 45 please. |
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#14
Jul 14, 2007, 11:50 AM
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I agree, Patty -- it's okay to date or even to want to date and be unable to find a suitable candidate . . .
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#15
Jul 14, 2007, 05:16 PM
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i love younger men. men my age are a bit stuffy....
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#16
Jul 14, 2007, 05:25 PM
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I've dated so much, and I hate to admit it, but I seem a bit worn out! That is hard to say! I really WORKED at it...giving it my all, focusing on the relationship, being a loyal doormat! only to be stepped on repeatedly! For the past three years, I've done something healthy for myself, concentrating on my education and getting my MA, which I will miraculously complete this fall semester! Up until this time, I've ignored myself, focusing on others to my detriment!
I don't hate men, nor am I prejudiced against men my own age.....They just don't seem to be out there. Patty |
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