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  #1  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 06:51 AM
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Hedgeleaf Hedgeleaf is offline
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I've been broken up from my ex for about a month or so now but I'm still really hurting.

I had some things of his that I said I'd take over to him and as id deleted and blocked him I didn't have his number anymore

I knocked yesterday and his mum answered and invited me in. When I said I wasn't staying she seems a little surprised and asked my ex to come to the door. I saw him in the kitchen and he gave me a horrible look and sort of guestured his hand to me to shoo me off. I drove off in tears.
He then txt from his mums phone this message
'Thanks for embarrassing me like that. I hadn't told my mum we'd broken up. I didn't even want the stuff back'

I haven't replied but have been crying every night when I go to sleep
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  #2  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 06:54 AM
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And I can't stop replying over all the nasty things he's said to me and that he's probably been with a load of other women since the break up
  #3  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 07:41 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Sorry you are hurting.

I personally don't recommend you keep contact. If he needed his things he would let you know. I know he is an ***** but i would be very upset if my ex showed up at my door uninvited especially if I lived with relatives. I'd be livid. It took me awhile to tell my family that I left my ex of 9 years. They really loved him. I would be very upset and angry if he showed up at my door returning things and my family was there .

Are you seeing a therapist? You two only dated few months right? Are you sure you are upset over this guy? Could it be that you are still hurting from what happened with your ex husband?

I doubt he's been with loads of women. Plus he really just wasn't a good BF plus the timing was totally wrong. It will get better with time

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Hedgeleaf
  #4  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 07:55 AM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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I don't know that I'd be so angry, he knew that he was expecting his stuff back afterall. A month broken up and his mom whom he lives with didn't yet know?

It's probably a good time to settle in with the wave of emotions and just embrace the grief. Not a good time for future planning, time to take it step by step. Evaluating everything, positive, negative and inbetween.

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  #5  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 08:23 AM
rachel_ rachel_ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I don't know that I'd be so angry, he knew that he was expecting his stuff back afterall. A month broken up and his mom whom he lives with didn't yet know?

It's probably a good time to settle in with the wave of emotions and just embrace the grief. Not a good time for future planning, time to take it step by step. Evaluating everything, positive, negative and inbetween.

This. Absolutely. Just take things step by step and work very hard on being gentle to yourself and kind to yourself.
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healingme4me, Hedgeleaf
  #6  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 09:24 AM
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I have personal aversion to people just showing up. I grew up in the city in the culture where it was common just knock on doors without phone calls or warnings. I have plenty of bizarre stories to tell . I also had exes who were just showing up and I am not talking about long term. Dated somebody briefly and left and then he'd be by my door a month later. For all he knew I might be dating someone else already! Etc if one needs me so bad they can mail a letter. Maybe I am bias here due to past experiences but showing up at ex's door with no warning doesn't sit with me well. What if he had a new date over? Or family event? Etcetc.

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  #7  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 02:44 PM
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The fact that the mum invited her in and was surprised that she wasn't staying left me with the impression of a sense of normalcy about her arrival.
  #8  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 03:08 PM
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
The fact that the mum invited her in and was surprised that she wasn't staying left me with the impression of a sense of normalcy about her arrival.


Yeah there was normalcy for mom because she didn't know they broke up. There was no normalcy for him as he was very upset about her unexpectedly showing up a month after break up. I know he
Is an idiot but that's besides the point. If two people are on friendly terms and keep contact then it's one thing but if you two aren't even talking and you blocked him then why showing up? To see him? You know his address so you can go mail his stuff to him.
  #9  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 03:13 PM
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Mailing was an option. I'm not here to judge her action however.
  #10  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
Mailing was an option. I'm not here to judge her action however.


I don't really understand the whole situation. I've been through breaks and I know it hurts regardless who initiated it. I just can't blame him for getting angry or upset over the incident. I also can't judge why he didn't tell his mother. It's kind of between him and his mother not for others to set the time line . People have their own time frame for sharing things with their families for personal reasons. Maybe she has poor health.
  #11  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 04:31 PM
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I don't know. The OP posted upset. That's as far as I know. I guess we could go on about social graces, culture and the like, but the OP is in tears, was at least when posting, I'm unconcerned about how and why he was acting the way he was in the moment and more in telling her to take some time to grieve.
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  #12  
Old Apr 17, 2016, 04:55 PM
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AbsurdBlackBear AbsurdBlackBear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf View Post
I've been broken up from my ex for about a month or so now but I'm still really hurting.

I had some things of his that I said I'd take over to him and as id deleted and blocked him I didn't have his number anymore

I knocked yesterday and his mum answered and invited me in. When I said I wasn't staying she seems a little surprised and asked my ex to come to the door. I saw him in the kitchen and he gave me a horrible look and sort of guestured his hand to me to shoo me off. I drove off in tears.
He then txt from his mums phone this message
'Thanks for embarrassing me like that. I hadn't told my mum we'd broken up. I didn't even want the stuff back'

I haven't replied but have been crying every night when I go to sleep
I'm sorry that he acted that way when you dropped his things off and I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with a break up. They definitely are very difficult to deal with. Just take your time to recover.
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“In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human successes, but on how well we have loved.” + John of the Cross

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  #13  
Old Apr 18, 2016, 05:06 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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I'm sorry that he was so difficult and nasty. How were you supposed to know that he didn't want the stuff? How were you supposed to know that he was deceiving his mother?

Thanks for this!
Hedgeleaf
  #14  
Old Apr 18, 2016, 09:50 PM
Anonymous37954
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I agree that the details of who did what and who is right or wrong don't matter at all.

I think you need time and distance. Block his number, don't try to see what he's doing on facebook, and please don't put yourself in a situation where you might see him.

It takes a while for wounds to heal and when you have contact, it just slows the process tremendously.

Post here when you get the urge! Stay strong sweetie. You can do this.
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Bill3
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Hedgeleaf
  #15  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 03:35 AM
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Hedgeleaf Hedgeleaf is offline
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Thanks for the kind replies

I'm trying to take each day as it comes.

I've not heard from him since the last message at the weekend.

Night time is the worst for me when I actually stop and have time to think about everything. I just can't stop thinking about why I wasn't good enough for him and why he treated me like his did
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  #16  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 04:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf View Post
Thanks for the kind replies

I'm trying to take each day as it comes.

I've not heard from him since the last message at the weekend.

Night time is the worst for me when I actually stop and have time to think about everything. I just can't stop thinking about why I wasn't good enough for him and why he treated me like his did
His unkind treatment of you was his own behaviour not yours, chances are it had very little to do with you. Don't let this experience chip at your own self-esteem.
Thanks for this!
Hedgeleaf
  #17  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 04:37 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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I am sorry you are still hurting. I really don't see it as a case of him not thinking you are good enough. You dumped him because he wouldn't stop freaking out about that birthday party with the girls plus he wanted too much too soon with meeting family etc you made a good choice. And he went about it all wrong in a rude manner. So it's his loss not yours

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Hedgeleaf
  #18  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 05:16 AM
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Hedgeleaf Hedgeleaf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I am sorry you are still hurting. I really don't see it as a case of him not thinking you are good enough. You dumped him because he wouldn't stop freaking out about that birthday party with the girls plus he wanted too much too soon with meeting family etc you made a good choice. And he went about it all wrong in a rude manner. So it's his loss not yours

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I keep telling myself it's for the best, which it is

I just need to get over this hurt
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  #19  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 06:22 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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It will take time.

You were and are quite good enough for him. The problems are on his side, not yours.

Thanks for this!
Hedgeleaf
  #20  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 11:57 AM
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Hedgeleaf Hedgeleaf is offline
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He text from another phone that isn't blocked saying he's going to bring the things back to me in the week.

Said he won't knock will just leave them outside
  #21  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 11:58 AM
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Hedgeleaf Hedgeleaf is offline
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He text from another phone that isn't blocked saying he's going to bring the things back to me in the week.

Said he won't knock will just leave them outside
  #22  
Old Apr 19, 2016, 12:45 PM
Anonymous37954
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Don't reply!

Let him bring them and, if you are there, just wait until he's good and gone.

You're doing well. And I get that nights are bad. There just isn't any distraction from the thoughts. Just keep remembering what a jerk he was.

They will get better, I promise. And it will happen sooner rather than later if you stay with the no-contact rule.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Hedgeleaf
  #23  
Old Apr 20, 2016, 03:33 AM
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Hedgeleaf Hedgeleaf is offline
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I replied. I'm so weak

I had no control I spat venom at him which means I'm no better than him now as I rose to it

I was so angry
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  #24  
Old Apr 20, 2016, 06:38 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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(((((Hedgeleaf)))))
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Hedgeleaf
  #25  
Old Apr 20, 2016, 10:55 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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How are you doing today?
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Hedgeleaf
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