[Basspro85]

I keep starting a post and deleting it. Honestly I don't know what to do. It's been over a month since my ex left me. She said we would be friends and things wouldn't change much, even though it did. I messed up a lot during the relationship and we fought a lot. I was deemed a liar, obsessive, controlling and thinks of my own feelings above others. Some of that I don't think is true the next yes. The biggest reason being that I lied about a lot of stuff. I think more white lies than anything. But I can't even explain examples cause I can't remember. I have such a horrible memory. I blame myself for a lot even though sometimes I think I did my best for her and her kids and was always there for them. I was and have always been quite insecure with her. Her going out with guy friends, even girlfriends to bars/clubs, became more insecure when the lovey dovey stuff like hugs, kisses, cuddling and saying I love you stopped.

I'm having a hard time because my life became her life and I was always around. Even when I was at work I'd come home then go see her and the kids. Things have changed so much it hurts. I can't stop thinking of her, what she's doing, if she misses me or thinks of me, if the kids even miss me, if she's talking bad about me, if I meant anything to her, about all the good times and lovey dovey moments we had, I go through pictures and just get so sad. I start getting anxious and my chest and heart hurt. My therapist says to not contact her and so does my good friend. But sometimes I just get the urge to when I sad and do it. Sometimes she asks me if I need something being in a way like why are talking to me then the next she's up late at night and can't sleep and she's msging me first. I've gone 4days straight not texting her so far. But each week that goes by I throw it out the window by msging her.

I can't sleep at night, I sleep all day, I've had issues with eating nothing to just bingeing. I feel like I'm stuck in an endless loop that isn't getting better. Even though I do have good days where things feel like they could get better and that I do to need her. I just feel stupid. As much as things hurt during the relationship I still loved her. I still do and don't know how to let go. I know there are many other women out there and maybe something else could happen one day but my heart keeps telling me she's the one.

By the way I have depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

I just feel alone and my heart won't let my mind sit at ease. I'm just so sad right now..

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much


I don't have much to offer, but I may have some insight that could be helpful in future.


Lies, albeit tiny white ones, can be a deal breaker for obvious reasons, but I want to let you in on why it would be for me as a single mother in particular...


As a mother, I want my child to be able to depend on the man in my life, she must be able to take him at his word, be able to trust him, his word must be his bond.


This also makes him a good role model for her.


I know if my child were to catch my bf out in continuous fibs, she'd lose faith in him, lose trust in him, realize she can't depend on him for a simple truth, and ultimately lose her respect for him.


So even if I as a person can overlook pathological white lies, I definitely would not expect my child to, and would absolutely protect her from the repetitive disappointment they bring.


If this is truly something you struggle with, I suggest exploring why lies are easier than honesty, and then take it from there.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

People with BPD often have difficulty in relationships. I have BPD too and I've never had a relationship without drama. The fear of abandonment, the constant need for attention ect. It really gets out of hand. If you're not in therapy already, I highly recommend it. Learn as much about yourself as you can right now and better yourself for the future and hopes of a healthy bond with someone.

As far as the lying goes, whenever someone lies to me, even a small white lie, I wonder what else they've lied about. What else are they capable of doing if they can hurt me with lies?? It really messes with my head. And being able to trust someone's word is very important to me. It shows who you are as a man.

Take this time to heal, reflect, cry. Do whatever you need to get over this person and don't obsess or try to go backward. Staying out of contact is probably important to heal and who knows, maybe in the future you guys can be friends.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

There are some things beyond our control. And one of them is making decisions or feeling for another person. You have to accept what they say and do and move on for your own self and good. Yes, it is hard but necessary. I wish you the best, blessings and tc

[Basspro85]

I'm currently in therapy and both my therapist and good friend say to stay clear of her. But it's so hard not to text her when you have consumed your life with this person. Being that I ended up making my life her life so in the end making the abandonedment feeling worse cause I was attached at the hips to her and didn't have my own life and space.

Again some days are good and I can think clearly while the next I'm dreaming of her and the days are long and sad just not being able to clear her from my mind. I really love the woman not just cause I didn't want to be alone but really cared for her in every way. I did lie and I take the blame for it. I guess the white lies just kept piling up and the mistrust just kept amplifying. But then again there were the times I didn't lie and was made out to be the liar but I understand that my lying caused the trust issue. I'm not perfect in anyway but I know I can still be a better person and not do it.

Just have to see what life throws at me next. Like my therapist says I've always gave a short term fix for my issues including relationships so I have to put in place a long term one. So I'm trying to get back to a happier me.

I guess I just get really down for the mistakes I've made and continued to make when I was with my ex and just still miss her and the kids. I've just always wanted a family of my own and they were like that to me and thinking about how it's gone kinda bums me out. But things happen for a reason right?

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Do you realize that allowing her to consume you is part of the problem here?


Us borderlines struggle with finding balance, and this sets us up for a world of hurt when things go south.


I've done this too, and in my current relationship I don't.


And I can tell you, as hard as it is to find that sweet spot on the emotional Richter scale, its worth it.


My bf doesn't consume me, I am not swallowed by his life, his wants or his needs. We are two separate people with conjoined lives... Which makes for a healthy balanced union.


It really does make a huge difference, so I hope you are addressing it in T.

[Basspro85]

I'm addressing this now as I've had to be alone a lot more as the breakup really separated us. The most contact I have is through text. I haven't seen her in over two weeks and the longest I've gone not texting her is four days. I'm trying to improve upon that but it still gets hard. If another relationship comes my way I won't be attached at the hip again. Like you said trippin two separate people with conjoined lives. That's what I want to aim for. Right now it's how to fill the void and learn to be myself again. Become the happy me I once was.

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

[Fuzzybear]