Intimidated

I think we all find life ridiculous at times. I find dating sites ridiculous. I signed up as an ego booster and it just bacame a pain in the arse. Have you researched which sites may be better suited to what YOU want out of life??
I'm 36 and would date a 60 year old man, but he would need to be ne who enjoyed, dinner and shows and was still active. Solitaire and cuppa's?? These women are out there but perhaps you'd have better luck at a community group....? Good luck in love <3

Well still not much luck. You know I hate to burst your bubbles but I've noticed a few women on this site who are looking for much younger men. It seems that they are just as dubious. I don't know, my experience so far makes me feel like these dating sites are one large gambling casino - a lot of risk and little return. Of course I've only been doing this for a few weeks. I have received responses from younger women but the follow up sort of died. Bottom line - something made them respond. Like I said I'm not necessarily looking for a young woman - I'm just looking. Also, if I could find a friend that would be okay and we wouldn't have to worry about the age thing. Thanks.

And so it goes on. No bubbles bursting here Mac. Blowing bubbles yes, cos that's the song of the soccer team I support. WEST HAM UNITED. 'Come on you Iron's '.
I watched an interesting vid on you tube yesterday about a guys experience messaging on 'ok cupid'. Search 'online dating' and you'll find it.
Re 'blowing bubbles' I was going to mention Michael Jackson but thats in bad taste. The owner of one London soccer club 'fulham' put up a statue of Michael Jackson (without bubbles, I think) but when he sold the club they took it down cos it looked ridiculous.

You aren't bursting bubbles at all Mac. There are tons of people who have the fantasy of dating someone eons younger.

That doesn't mean that there are nearly as many in the reverse who are looking for someone a lot older.

Honestly I think I give up on you now. You're still complaining about having no luck but you aren't doing anything to help yourself find matches. Instead you seem happy in your misery. Good luck!

I'm 41 and my girlfriend is 51. She is a spit fire. Very attractive, youthful and ready for anything I can throw at her. In some cases, she lives a younger more active life than me! Lower your standards and look for someone in your own age range. I've dated younger girls and it's always great at first but then we hit a wall because we don't have a lot in common. There is a whole world out there that us 40 somethings don't know much about. Let the 20 somethings live their life. You have nothing in common with them and will end up feeling like a really old man.

Why do you worry about who these women are looking for? It should not effect your own search plus since you are looking for women 25 years younger than you so you are saying there are 50 year old women searching for 25 year old guys? How many 50 year old women are looking for 25 year old guys? But even if they do what do you care? I thought you want a date not to win an argument here. What's your goal? To find a woman or convince us that we are wrong and you are right? Makes no sense

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't know much about online dating, if the follow up dies off I'm thinking this may either mean they message back everyone initially and it's therefore meaningless, or they were intially intetested and something made them change their mind (maybe something about your response or they may have met someone else in meantime?) It's hard to know I guess, maybe some of the more experienced online daters may advise.

It does strike me you might have more success in your own age group (55+) but that's been done to death. Yes there may be some older women looking for younger men too but maybe they aren't having much success either.

Age thing aside, I do think that the online dating scene for the most part is pretty unsuccessful for many people. I don't think that it's entirely not working for people but that the successes are far too few. The online factor leaves too much room for embellishment (on profiles) deceit and imitation personas. In real life, I believe this is something that happens too, we put our "best foot forward" so to speak so we all will have a public persona, one for women/men we approach, etc. Add the online factor to the mix though and that just exacerbates the problem as people can more easily make themselves look even more appealing. Granted this defeats the purpose of it all if you want a long term relationship but then, I also believe many many people on dating sites want a fling, some fun and aren't that serious.

In the physical world, it is hard enough trying to ask a person out, meet the opposite sex etc. Online dating IMO fools us into thinking this is better and easier but in truth it can be much much harder. In real life you would/could meet a lady in passing, by chance somewhere and hit it off. Perhaps neither were "actively" looking for anything but chance brings you together. There is no such thing in online dating. EVERYONE is looking for something, it is all about relationships, meetings, dating, sex.. I'm sorry but as I have never been one against online dating itself, at this point I am realizing it isn't really better or easier.

I think just get out and meet people in general, be out in the world and let nature take it's course. The world will not end for you if it takes x months to find friends and or a mate. But in the meantime you will be meeting people, doing things and overall enriching your life - because, the goal of finding someone is far less exciting as you might think and everyday you obsess and continue focusing on the search, your free time to live life is wasted.

*I say this with myself in mind. I have chosen that if someone comes along that I want to date I will be happy to but I am also happy with the fact that I don't do the things it would take to meet many women, people... and socialize. I accept that this is my choice and the chance of it happening is very low but I am still content and happy with daily life because while having a gf would be "nice", it is no longer NECESSARY to be happy.*

I actually know very many people who met their match online. It is no different than other means of dating. It's just gives you bigger pool to choose from

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

As I've said I am not saying it doesn't work but I do feel it's got it's pros and cons. I do feel I disagree that it' is indeed different. In the normal traditional sense, one does not go to a big building or place and sit around and focus entirely on finding a matching "profile". You don't even go to a bar and do only perusing of women's or men's profiles, lives or physical aspects. I can't imagine walking up to a lady in a bar and asking what her life activities consisted of, how active she was etc... sure it would come out in time but the socializing part of dating is missing online. There is no real physical connection, it's entirely cerebral or intellectual. IT's all words and yes it's possible I'm just saying that is the challenge in online vs real world match ups.

Please, understand, I have been through online mates, met women I met online and actually my ex wife was met online too so yes, I agree it CAN work. just pointing out the ways it can be more challenging, for me I think it is actually harder but that's just me.

Also my ex is not an ex in my mind because we met online so don't think I'm jaded because of that. we were together 14+ yrs and the subsequent years together just deteriorated and it wasn't a relationship worth keeping after all that.

sorry I am prone to long responses today apparently.

We will have to agree to disagre. I just think if you meet right away ASAP then your "getting to know each other" process is no different than if you met in a church or at a party etc

It is only different if you chat and go on and on without meeting. I don't think socializing is any different regardless where you meet and there is a physical aspect to it if you see each other pictures.

I've met my ex husband at my friends wedding, was introduced by friends, and liked each other company and proceeded to socialize after he asked me out and it went from there ( I was pursued by 2 more guys at the time, so I have some funny stories, it was a weird summer, so I chose him for exclusive dating).

Now many years later after we are divorced ( amicably) and our daughter is grown I am engaged and getting married to a man I met online. Our courtship and socializing isn't different than the first time around. We exchanged few emails talked on the phone and had a first date soon. We didn't go on and on.

The rest was just exactly same dating process than the first time around. Well our age is different. Lol but I don't see anything else that differed at all. Between by two marriages I dated and had relationship with men I've met in different places under all kind of circumstances. At work, in class, at a party, introduced by a friend, online.

I see absolutely no difference in how it developed. None. It's just a place to meet just like any other place IMHO.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I only did the online thing because it seemed like an option. I've been flying solo for a long time and to tell you the truth I don't know if I'll change at this point. It's going to take a lot of energy to go out and date. I did something similar (answering ads in newspapers) back in the nineties and it was exhausting. I'll tell you one thing, anybody who I'm going to sacrifice my independence for at this point is going to have to be really special. Yes I'm reluctant and lonely but I don't want to share unless I'm ecstatic. Sorry if I sound like a snob but living the rest of my life alone is not that distasteful considering I've already done the majority. I know everyone is trying to help (thanks) but this might be too big of a step for me and even though it's hell sometimes I still have fairly high standards. So I'll quit rambling because all this has made me insane. Thanks again.

Actually that sounds incredibly sane to me. I get this very much, I also did not 'do' the whole dating thing before I met my partner - didn't even 'date' him tbh, just formed a deep connection, and he is a special person. I don't think I'd be with someone unless they were special either, I suspect I may well be single if I hadn't met him.

I think it's how some of us are wired. We take our time to make connections, it's not always easy for us.

Good luck Mac, whatever you choose to do.

I suspect most of us wouldn't be with anyone unless they are very special. Especially those of us who are older. No way I'd marry second time if I didn't meet my fiancée who is special , I had no particular plans to ever marry again. I don't think it's weird to value ones independence especially at older age. In fact I think hooking up with whomever is weird.

I also think that having high standards is common sense and isn't unusual.

I don't think though that wanting much younger partner equates high standards. I don't think just because those coffee shop baristas are in their 20s falling for them demonstrates high standards just because they are young. In fact going for educated professional woman of class would be a higher standard ( even if she isn't 25 or 35) than those rather immature girls who are sending questionable instagrams.

I think my standards are high despite the fact that I am marrying a man my age, not someone 25-35 year younger than me or 75 year old man. I don't think age has anything to do with standards

Good luck with whatever you decide

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk