So Lost.

I dont know where to begin. I am so lost. I am all alone in this world and I am desperate to find my place in life. My thoughts are constantly not happy ones and I my anger and stress is so great I feel myself breaking down. I am completely stuck with my situation and it is not going to get any better. My job has been killing me for the past 10 years. But I still go, 12+ hours a day and forced to do some work on the weekends. I have two beautiful children, but I can't be a part of their life the way I think a parent should be due to my job. Their father and I just can't get along. Just now we were finally getting along and he had to bring up something that basically broke us apart. He stills lives here, but really all he does when I am home is pretend to be sleeping. Anywat, this thing was two years ago, but he was talking about this party where this girl (who I suspected of them having a relationship ) who just so happened to show up as a "surprise" and he just told me today that they slept over the friends house. They were all passed out drunk. I don't believe him when he says that they slept in separate rooms. This guy has a two bedroom house and there were 6 people who stayed over. He would have never told me that part unless I mumbled under my breath that she was probably there. I was away visitng family.

I really don't have anyone to talk to about this or really anything that I am feeling. I have no time for me due to my work schedule and I have to keep my job because he forces me to pay for all the bills as he works a lot too, but never has any money...I recently found out that he spends about a grand a month on eating out. He also has joined a high end gym and bought a high end car and a new iphone. But he can't pay for his car insurance without giving me crap about it. (It's all in my name)

So after the yelling was over...he said that there is something wrong with me. My kids heard and said is that why you won't marry Mommy? He said well a ring is expensive and she is never going to get one now. And a ring is very expensive.

I just thought to myself that I guess I not worth it.

I dont know if what I have been feeling is a result of this "relationship" or the "relationship" is what is causing my feelings.

metalchick, I am sorry you are so stressed out. You really are maxxed out right now.

What you describe sounds very unfair. If you are paying all the bills and he is adding nothing, what is in it for you with him sticking around? At least if you were separate you might get child support. Who else can you talk to? A therapist or social worker could be a lot of help.

If you are working 60+ hours plus weekends on salary with no overtime, that sounds like a very challenging job. What other options might you consider for another type of job?

Everyone chooses their situation. Sounds like you might be in danger of succumbing to exhaustion and stress or overworking and the neglect of your "partner". I really think you could use a professional to help guide you through this situation and teach you self care (exercise, yoga, good food, enough sleep, having re-creation activities.

"I just thought to myself that I guess I not worth it. " is what you conclude.
I would pose another question, since you are doing everything, paying for everything and he is out partying, Is he really worth it?

Your situation is somewhat like mine was. It eventually got better, but first I had to decide to leave him. A friend told me 'when it hurts more to stay than it does to leave, you will leave.' And I did. The truth is he will continue to do what he's doing as long as he can get away with it, he's not going to change. I don't know if that helps but it can get better. You need a break in order to continue functioning. Is it possible for you to get some kind of state aid temporarily until your kids get a little older maybe? So you don't have to keep working an impossible number of hours?

Is there something holding you back from leaving him? For me, as terrified as it was, I finally left my own husband. I was in a very similar situation. I won't say the process was easy but it ended up being the best thing I ever did. I kicked myself for not doing it earlier.

Does your employer have an EAP (Employee Assistance Plan). Here any company of a certain size is required to do so. My EAP really helped me out. They provided a therapist. Offered to do the same with couples' counselling. They got me in touch with lawyers. Heck, they even sent me a stress kit.

I envision myself doing all of those things, but I just can't. I dream of a day when I will be happy again. I am really trying to get in shape and just be healthy. I think he is just such a bad part of my life now. He truly was my best friend until about 2 years ago. That is around the time that girl came around. I think she brainwashed him. Is that even possible? Just he did a complete 360 and now I truly hate him. I hate how he treats me and I hate how good he is to everyone else. He has told everyone that I am crazy and he tells me that everyone hates me. They don't even know me. They ignore me if I am around, which is a rare occasion. I don't really have many people in my life. I really have no opportunity to really do anything with my life other than working and taking care of the kids. I am really so angry, hurt, and really I feel like I am going to have a mental breakdown.

So why do YOU stay?


He pays for nothing, treats you like dirt, what are you getting out of this "relationship" and why do you keep wanting it?


Don't necessarily have to answer, just some points to think on.


He's not worth it, and that's my professional opinion.


Yeah I got a PHD in bad boyfriends.

He's telling you these things? Don't believe him! Of course you are angry, he betrayed you on many levels.

Why wait?

Do you have a women's shelter with volunteers you could talk to? Psychological abuse is still abuse. Let someone who has experienced it help you get unstuck. I felt like I was walking through mud and I was afraid but I managed to push through with the help of people who didn't even know me but had been in my shoes.

That situation is really similar with whats happening between my parents now. Father doesnt want to pay bill and **** and prefer to hang out and wasting money on his own. Meanwhile my mom has to work so hard, do everything by herself, pay everything even food for him yet still choose to stay. Its been 5 years or even more smh.. What a waste of energy

i feel so bad for you. my sons father whom i lived with for 4 years was the same way, i had to escape from him. i called the cops to get my son out of our apartment and never turned back.good luck

He is so horrible, just dump him and file for child support

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It probably didn't start when she came around. Very unlikely she did something to change him. No, it was both of them responsible equally for the bad behavior and betrayal but above that, typically I have found that people that cheat have it in them already even before they do so. The opportunity for them just needs to present itself but to be honest, it's an issue with integrity and faithfulness and even absent of the opportunity to be unfaithful, the lack of integrity is already there.

Nope. Brainwashing, is a word that is used far too loosely nowadays. it requires that someone is put in such extreme situations mentally that it is enough to cause a change in thinking. Do you really think that someone that he slept with has that kind of psychological savvy and power?

Stop making excuses for the person that was unfaithful to you. it was, simply put, a choice he made. Regardless of the motivations or reasons, it is on HIM, not you, not the mistress, for what he did with regards to your relationship.

I doubt it was a complete 360, more likely it was the way he has always been but once he realized (and you've kind of shown here) that you're not going to leave for any reason, all bets were off and he let his true colors show. He is a manipulator, it sounds like and someone that enjoys dominating and/or controlling his mate.

The mental breakdown could quite likely happen but... it's not as though there is no remedy. You really need to get free from this person become independent and find yourself. Stand on your own two feet without some dead weight (financially) dragging you down. You obviously have the capacity to care for yourself - you take care of many others in the process, so it's not like you're going to fail here.

I hope this helps, but essentially you need to find the courage to leave.

Had to say ... this made me chuckle