[galeckifan]

I am so Upset, I just got a FB message from my pastor saying we need to talk tomorrow night, so I said what about? and he said a couple things, rides to and from church and how you get offended when youre not invited somewhere with someone. I never told him anything about me being offended about not being invited places. So someone must have been talking about me to him and I want to know who and why they seem to feel the need to talk crap about me to him but cant say it to my face.

I remember you posting about not getting invited places. Can you describe your offline reaction when this incident (or incidents) happened?

And what does he mean about getting rides, do you have someone specific who usually brings you to and from church?

[A Red Panda]

This is going to sound harsh, and I apologize for that but I'm not sure how to be more gentle.

The person you refer to in your threads as a friend is not a friend. It sounds like she does not consider you in any way a friend and is trying to be more polite and subtle in rejecting you.

Which you don't seem to get. Your reactions to things make you sound very...clingy... Even sorta potentially stalkerish (do keep in mind I ONLY have these threads to go on!) and a little bit obsessive.

Whoever it is talking to your pastor may be feeling too uncomfortable to talk to you directly. Whoever it was wasn't "talking crap" about you behind your back - they stated to him the way that you do in fact react! They are going through your pastor most likely in an attempt to help you, instead of talking directly where you will get even more upset.

I guess you will find out tomorrow!

[Crazy Hitch]

If it was your pastor, as much as this is an assumption, I'd assume to think that he'd have your best interests at heart (hopefully).

What do you stand to lose by just meeting up with him?

Perhaps whoever spoke to him was nervous about speaking to you one and one and thought perhaps your pastor was best to broach the topic.

Or.

You could leave the entire thing alone and simply let it be.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by galeckifan

I am so Upset, I just got a FB message from my pastor saying we need to talk tomorrow night, so I said what about? and he said a couple things, rides to and from church and how you get offended when youre not invited somewhere with someone. I never told him anything about me being offended about not being invited places. So someone must have been talking about me to him and I want to know who and why they seem to feel the need to talk crap about me to him but cant say it to my face.

first you are here talking about the lady that has chosen not to be a friend to you and kind of "talking crap" about her yourself so "...lest you be judged..."

Second "you get offended when you're not invited" that is a fact not crap. It is not a statement that is an attack but sounds to me like they were speaking out of concern for the situation. I don't know about others here but fact is I have the right to choose who I invite anywhere I want and I am under no obligation to invite you anywhere outside of if I've made the promise to do so somewhere along the way. I think you assume you're more than you are to this lady.

On top of this, the way that you speak about the situation and your repeated posts related to this one lady comes off as really kind of obsessive. Considering that, I don't doubt that some of this makes it's way into your daily interactions with people and therefore her. your very obsessive concern for being considered a friend by this woman could easily be part of the reason she has decided to keep her distance.

I think if you do not have a T, you should get one, and if you do, you should talk about these things with him/her in therapy to be honest.

[Bill3]

I can certainly imagine how distressed I would feel if my pastor called me into his office because he was told by another parishioner that I do not socialize properly.

As I posted previously, I agree that OP would be wise to change her approach. She would be wise to find other friends. However, I think the pastor may be exercising poor judgment in using his position to intervene in this matter. There is a great deal to be said for allowing young people to work out their own problems. Perhaps OP would be willing to speak to her pastor about these matters if she did not have the feeling that the pastor is acting at the behest of others.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I can certainly imagine how distressed I would feel if my pastor called me into his office because he was told by another parishioner that I do not socialize properly.

As I posted previously, I agree that OP would be wise to change her approach. She would be wise to find other friends. However, I think the pastor may be exercising poor judgment in using his position to intervene in this matter. There is a great deal to be said for allowing young people to work out their own problems. Perhaps OP would be willing to speak to her pastor about these matters if she did not have the feeling that the pastor is acting at the behest of others.

I disagree that the pastor is doing anything wrong. A pastor should investigate at the very least if a member comes to him for anything related to other members it does not mean he has to pass judgment. He could be acting as a mediator to two parties that cannot work it out face to face initially and he may even want to see the other side before even giving any thought to it.

There is no evidence here that states that the pastor isn't acting on the behalf of all parties involved and I am not sure the OP even knows.

keep in mind also that we are seeing one side of this and there could be things left out which would provide basis for why the other church member even went to the pastor.

[Bill3]

I certainly hope that the pastor is acting on behalf of all, particularly on behalf of those those who feel marginalized and rejected; who are spoken harshly to; who are disabled.

I am not encouraged though by the use of fb to deliver such a sensitive and obviously upsetting message and summoning. I also wonder if this was the exact language that he/she used:

we need to talk tomorrow night, so I said what about? and he said a couple things, rides to and from church and how you get offended when youre not invited somewhere with someone.

How you get offended when you're not invited. Perhaps others differ, and maybe those are not the exact words used, but I myself would hear an accusation in those words.

Still, I do hope that the pastor will provide OP with the fair and loving guidance and support that she seems to need.

*****

OP spoke about the rides issue previously:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...want-give.html

I don't see any thing wrong with what the pastor said. What evidence do you have that people are talking to him? Can you elaborate on this driving thing?

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I disagree that the pastor is doing anything wrong. A pastor should investigate at the very least if a member comes to him for anything related to other members it does not mean he has to pass judgment. He could be acting as a mediator to two parties that cannot work it out face to face initially and he may even want to see the other side before even giving any thought to it.

There is no evidence here that states that the pastor isn't acting on the behalf of all parties involved and I am not sure the OP even knows.

keep in mind also that we are seeing one side of this and there could be things left out which would provide basis for why the other church member even went to the pastor.

I agree. When I was actively involved in church, it was members of the leadership team who would usually do this kind of thing (it was a huge church, so this is why we had discipleship groups and, thus, group leaders). But I had my discipleship group leader speak to me a few times about my reactions to certain things when they were out of proportion for the situation. No one had to go to her--she could see it for herself as she was also a member of the group. And when there was a specific issue between myself and another member of our college group, she and another leader acted as mediators, but they both called out the other girl when it was obvious she was looking for things to be angry at me for (that's a long story, not going to go into it). I believe this is very appropriate.