[Artchic528]

So I had previously posted about this guy calling me, and that we talked for a few minutes. I called him yesterday and it rolled over to voice mail again, so I said to call me back whenever and he hasn't yet.

What is up with that?

EDIT: I should add that I sent him an email just a few minutes ago asking if he was okay. He has been sick with a bad cold, sore throat and all that, could that be the reason? He called me two days ago. Do you think he's moved on already? Should I move on?

[divine1966]

Hard to tell. How did the conversation end a day before? What did you two talk about? Did you have a feeling he wanted to continue talking?

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[Artchic528]

Well, he said that he was at Walmart picking up a recliner for his dad for father's day, and he was with his friend. He said he was often told how weird he was and to beware that weirdness (it was sort of a friendly jest at himself, I think) and I said I can be pretty weird too. He apologized for having a sore throat and sounding terrible. Stuff like that. We ended the call by him saying he'd let me get back to shopping (I was at Lowe's Home Improvement store at the time) and we hung up.

[divine1966]

Did he say he will call you again or ask when is a good time to call you again etc? Did the conversation end with just "bye" or some type of plan? In my personal experience when a man says "ok bye" rather than " can I call tomorrow or on the weekend or let's talk again in few days etc" isn't a good sign. But there are no rules really. Overall him not calling back is weird. Kind of rude I guess.

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[divine1966]

I saw your PS. Wait for his response in regards to possibly being sick. Personally I think if he doesn't get back to you soon it's probably not worth the wait. Emails are not reliable though. He might not get it right away. I have 3 email addresses and regularly check only my work one, the other personal two maybe like every other day or not even that. I text all the time though. I'd have trouble with people who don't text. I find it inconvenient

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[TishaBuv]

He'll call you when he's ready. Maybe he wants to get enough money together to take you out on a date. I wouldn't call him again, just wait. Meanwhile, keep pursuing new guys. #numbersgame

[A Red Panda]

He could find it hard to talk due to being ill.

Or he could have lost interest.

Or he has been very busy.

You get attached super fast....try to keep yourself distanced and grounded, you barely know each other! It's normal to go multiple days without contact when you are just starting to know someone.

[scorpiosis37]

It seems really unhealthy and troublesome to attach to guys you're talking to on the Internet so quickly. You have NO CLUE who these men are, and vice versa. I really would not put much energy into anyone until you have met in person and gone on at least a few dates (and NEVER invite a stanger into your home!) For all you know, these men could be criminals looking to hurt you. You need to stay safe, both physically and emotionally. Have you ever been in a relationship before? I would not consider myself to be dating someone until at least a month of dating, seeing each other regularly. Are there other relationships (friends/family) you can focus on, so you are not over-investing in random men on the internet? it might be really helpful to talk to friends who have been in relationships before or to read some books on relationships in order to get a better idea of what a relationship entails. Talking to someone, or calling someone, or emailing someone isn't a relationship. Most of the people you communicate with online will never follow through. Many of them are probably not who they say they are. When I have done online dating, I probably ended up going on an actual date with 5% of the people I communicated with. Very, very slim. To invest any emotional energy whatsoever in someone until you have met in person is unwise and will probably lead to hurt feelings. Just don't take people seriously until you've met and both demonstrated interest in meeting again. And ONLY meet in public places, and make sure someone you trust knows where you are going! Be safe!

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

It seems really unhealthy and troublesome to attach to guys you're talking to on the Internet so quickly. You have NO CLUE who these men are, and vice versa. I really would not put much energy into anyone until you have met in person and gone on at least a few dates (and NEVER invite a stanger into your home!) For all you know, these men could be criminals looking to hurt you. You need to stay safe, both physically and emotionally. Have you ever been in a relationship before? I would not consider myself to be dating someone until at least a month of dating, seeing each other regularly. Are there other relationships (friends/family) you can focus on, so you are not over-investing in random men on the internet? it might be really helpful to talk to friends who have been in relationships before or to read some books on relationships in order to get a better idea of what a relationship entails. Talking to someone, or calling someone, or emailing someone isn't a relationship. Most of the people you communicate with online will never follow through. Many of them are probably not who they say they are. When I have done online dating, I probably ended up going on an actual date with 5% of the people I communicated with. Very, very slim. To invest any emotional energy whatsoever in someone until you have met in person is unwise and will probably lead to hurt feelings. Just don't take people seriously until you've met and both demonstrated interest in meeting again. And ONLY meet in public places, and make sure someone you trust knows where you are going! Be safe!

I have no friends, and I can't talk like that to my family. I've been in two relationships before. I'm not as naive as you think I am. I don't need advice from a silly book. I am just going to be myself. I don't need to change.

[Tsukiko]

Yet you post often about seriously worrying when not receiving speedy replies from people you barely know. Please step back and rethink your statement. Obviously something isn't working and the sooner you figure out what, the sooner you can work towards developing happy, healthy, lasting relationships. Seriously, it's worth the effort. Otherwise, people are going to continue giving advise that you most likely don't want to hear.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I have no friends, and I can't talk like that to my family. I've been in two relationships before. I'm not as naive as you think I am. I don't need advice from a silly book. I am just going to be myself. I don't need to change.

[Artchic528]

Oh I know what's not working all right. It's them. You can't change other people. No one is trustworthy. I am not at fault here. It's other people.

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[Tsukiko]

Does that really seem logical to you or are you just upset right now?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Tsukiko-chan

Does that really seem logical to you or are you just upset right now?

Upset? No. Why do you ask?

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[Tsukiko]

I know that people giving you certain kinds of advice bothers you at times. Also, I'll assume you haven't heard back from the guy yet, so I wasn't sure if you were perhaps upset or not. Sometimes we believe things when we are upset that we wouldn't when we're okay.

[Artchic528]

As far as the guy is concerned, meh. I've come to expect guys, and pretty much anyone, to behave this way. It's pretty typical of humanity to be untrustworthy.

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[~Christina]

Artchic .. What kind of advice are you wanting?

Seems you disagree with most everything anyone offers out of kindness.. and it is kindness( not judgement or being bully types) ... people are taking time to respond and from the looks of it solid common sense advice.

If your just venting ? well that's great too .. maybe give us a heads up and let us know that, then we can either offer advice or just drop some virtual hugs.

You bash men and anyone here that offers help with one broad stroke and I just don't understand that

Of course there are untrustworthy people... that is life on this spinning rock.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

As far as the guy is concerned, meh. I've come to expect guys, and pretty much anyone, to behave this way. It's pretty typical of humanity to be untrustworthy.

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Why do you say this guy is untrustworthy? He may be, but it does not seem that he has betrayed your trust so far.Did he promise to call, and then not do so? From your post, it doesn't seem like any agreement was reached about future contact. Speaking to someone once does not create an obligation to continue talking. Having a phone call with someone is a way to gauge possible comparability (or lack thereof). If the phone call ends in "bye," it is usually a polite way of indicating there will be no future contact. No obligation is created or explanation owed if someone decides there is no connection after only a couple of message or calls. They just don't reach out again. If you expect everyone you contact to continue calling/texting indefinitely, you will only be disappointed. Have you ever contacted someone, and then decided that you were not interested (for whatever reason)? It's just a part of the dating process. Most people are not going to be compatible, so they move on. It's more of a marathon than a sprint to find someone who really is a good fit. I know you only talk to one person at a time, but most people talk to several at once. If they had to explain why they didn't want to continue talking to each person, it would be a full time job. That's why most people just stop reaching out once they decide they aren't interested.

[Tsukiko]

Please know that what I'm about to say is done so with all due respect and care: you cannot expect others to be trustworthy if you aren't entirely trustworthy yourself. You do not seem to trust yourself enough to make many decisions on your own. People see this and, you're not going to like this but it's not attractive, especially to the type of person who is truly relationship-material. Take responsibility for your own attitude. Take charge of your own life by becoming more self-sufficient. Instead of depending on others for all the answers, try looking deep inside and see if you can come up with the answers yourself. Be realistic. Then life will truly open up for you. Many of us here would love to give you tips. Please don't be so quick to rebuff what I or anyone else is saying here just because it's not what you want to hear.

Until you deal with your issues, I can say with 100% certainty that you're not going to get anywhere substantial in the relationship arena. Please think on this.

[divine1966]

I feel the same as scorpiosis and I said it earlier, if the very first conversation ends with "bye" it is a sign there will be nothing further. Of course he might be just shy but then he'd call back. Also notice you are the one again who called twice, sometimes it's ok to wait for other person. I think people suggest reading books on dating as to get familiar with basics of dating.

Also do other things. Join meetup groups etc get out there. Get a second job etc

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I saw your PS. Wait for his response in regards to possibly being sick. Personally I think if he doesn't get back to you soon it's probably not worth the wait. Emails are not reliable though. He might not get it right away. I have 3 email addresses and regularly check only my work one, the other personal two maybe like every other day or not even that. I text all the time though. I'd have trouble with people who don't text. I find it inconvenient

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Now see with texting vs email I find texting people too much is annoying and prefer people to email me because I check it very regularly, even multiple times a day sometimes. Texting has the benefit of notifying you I understand, but my email notifies me on my phone just the same too. Really just depends on the person - I ignore texts all the time if I don't feel like giving an instant response tbh though I don't know if I'm rather odd in that way or not haha. Just saying..

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I have no friends, and I can't talk like that to my family. I've been in two relationships before. I'm not as naive as you think I am. I don't need advice from a silly book. I am just going to be myself. I don't need to change.

I'm not sure if you're just annoyed and responding out of a knee jerk reaction from that kind of mind set or not but it comes off as a bit like you're deflecting the exact advice you're here for.

To be honest the way that you expect brand new acquaintances to place high importance on your relationship almost instantly is kind of being naïve. Thinking that because of a brief conversation over the phone there would be some kind of connection that is more than just casual is just unrealistic anyway. If the guy does not call you back that still is no evidence that he is not trustworthy at all nor does it state anything about the person that there is no way to make a judgment on. There is no bond yet, and there won't be with anyone you've talked to once or twice or connected via the internet a couple times. And if there is, like in the case with the guy ready to call you a girlfriend and come stay the night with you, there is a huge problem because the bond can in no way be genuine yet.

True bonds and intimate connections emotionally and mentally take time.

Fact is after once talking to someone most people can still just take it or leave it at that point.

And if you think following the advice of a book is silly, why are you asking random people on the internet who may or may not have less expertise than someone who studied and wrote about the subject?

Sounds to me like your opinion with regards to men or other people is quite low. Going on sites to find a mate or someone to date when your attitude is that you have nothing to change and it's always other people that are the problem is just going to come out in your interactions with them and affect how many guys remain interested beyond one call or message.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by divine1966

... Also notice you are the one again who called twice, sometimes it's ok to wait for other person....

This, I have to add that especially if it's a new acquaintance, that waiting is the best thing one can do. if I just met a lady and talked to her once on the phone, but then she called me multiple times soon after, if anything it would be a bit off putting, and depending on how many times, could downright scare me away.

on the positive side of waiting for someone to get back to you, it leaves an air of mystery there and if there was any interest initially, it will sharpen their curiosity to just let them be the one to initiate.

[Tsukiko]

I'm not sure about other people but my phone calls all end with "bye", even if I plan to talk to the person again in 15 minutes. :P

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Tsukiko-chan

I'm not sure about other people but my phone calls all end with "bye", even if I plan to talk to the person again in 15 minutes. :P

LOl I agree it's not a way to gauge what the intentions of the other person are. I typically say bye too, although sometimes "talk to you later" but neither of these carries much weight as to what my plans are for the future of talking with the other person later.

[Artchic528]

I didn't call twice. LOL I called him once, left a voice mail, and then emailed him the next day.