How to resist urge to move too quickly in a relationship?

Nope, I didn't edit the original post at the beginning of this thread. Karen was correct in that they took quotes outside this thread, out of context, as an opportunity to specifically claim I was being "contradictory", instead of offering support and advice.

If the guy lives 4 hours away, there doesn't seem to be much of a worry on the sex front as you probably won't be seeing each other that often, unless one of you plan to move closer to the other. Or were you referring to (pardon the term!) "cyber sex"?

Well the goal is to actually see each other hopefully and maybe eventually more than that. Single people with no kids can move. I dated about 6 hours away and we saw each other about every two three weeks with plans to eventually one of us relocating , which became too difficult as we had young kids and demanding jobs and we had to discontinue relationship. But childless people with not extremely demanding jobs can just spend every other weekend together. No need for cyber sex

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Thanks for posting this reply, lolagrace. I did state that I didn't know OP nor any previous posts of OP.

Of course there will be members who have backgrounds with another member. I'm not saying it is wrong to disagree or dislike someone, I just felt while reading some posts that they should have been expressed in a private manner is all.

I don't like fussing, Finnicky. I detest discord. I still believe my mom was right when she taught me that "If you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all" is appropriate to apply to public threads. Negative sentiments should be conveyed privately and directly between members IMO. I'd prefer not get involved in those things. I was reading a thread so there was no way for me to avoid it.

My mom's words to me were what I intended others to contemplate and digest. I think they should apply in public threads.

Again, thanks for both your responses. My purpose was to enhance harmony but I won't preach my mom's wise words where I shouldn't again. I'll just practice that wisdom by myself, hey?

FYI, my mom is nearly 90 yrs old, and the short phrases of wisdom she has shared over the years has become more appreciated by me as I have aged. She has lots of good old sayings that have served me well. One of my favorites is "You aren't better than anyone else, but you are just as good!"I don't think I would have any self confidence without those words to rely upon.

I don't think it was about any member having a background with the op. It's about the OP's own behavior and responses in other threads recently and in the past. However, this side discussion is deflecting from the original purpose of the thread and it will eventually be closed by admin if people don't stay on topic.

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Getting back to the question of dealing with a high libido, how helpful might you find masturbation?

Oh, I do that every night now. It's fabulous...but it's not nearly as appealing as the idea of mind-blowing sex.

I think people are supportive of artchic , by which I mean everyone consistently offers constructive advice and support in form of various suggestions and answering her questions. And I believe she is appreciative of it. I don't see anyone having personal problems with anyone. Sometimes people say things that don't agree with op's opinion but it doesn't make it unsupportive. In fact it's more supportive than mindless praise without any substance. If I was about to do something dangerous I'd rather people warned me and told me to stop than said " awesome job you go girl".

We can all type paragraphs of empty sweet words but what purpose does it serve? In my experience artchic listens to suggestions and I am sure she appreciates words of advice especially when it concerns her safety and overall well being.

In fact when I was young there was no forums to go to and no one to ask. My mom is supportive of whatever by which I mean she never tells me to stop anything, I wish someone told me how it is the way some honest concerned people do on this forum. Some mistakes could be avoided.

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Your sense of humor never fails artchic lol

In the past when you were having sex, was it as mind-blowing as you are envisioning now?

Only my first boyfriend and I had sex that was, well, good. Not mind-blowing, but it was good nonetheless. My second boyfriend suffered from ED so it didn't go over too well anytime we tried to be intimate. It was just a nightmare.

So nothing mind-blowing in my past experiences, no.

Thanks. Maybe masturbating more often would help in the meantime?

Maybe buy some new toys. It isn't the same as being with a partner but toys are fun.

Good idea. I've been browsing sites, just need to get paid first.

Hitachi magic wands are a girl's best friend.

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I think your craving mind blowing sex with someone who cares about you (and vice versa) is like my craving the sexual initiation from my husband that I couldn't get. It's not totally about the physical feeling of having sex and the release, orgasm. It's the feeling of connecting, being enveloped, feeling loved, wanted, beautiful, fulfilled.

Exactly. I've never had the luxury of feeling wanted and loved and trustful of someone.

It can happen and I hope it happens for you. Just keep looking and being smart about it. This is going to take some time.

I've waited 20 years to get this. I don't feel much like being patient anymore.

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Those take time to develop, at least if you want a more genuine connection as opposed to just an infatuation/lustful one (personally, for me, I tend to go for something in between. I don't need to feel loved to first have sex with a new partner. But I do need to feel wanted and accepted).

As he is inexperienced, keep reminding yourself of that. Let him set the pace - he will likely be feeling a lot of anxiety and pressure. If you go too fast you might scare him away as it will increase the pressure for him to perform.

Also remind yourself that you want to feel loved and trustful. Trust is built with time. Love takes time to form.

Basically, just exercise self control and respect for his level of experience.

Make sure you become good friends first, then fell true connection then everything else will follow.

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I say this with all seriousness. If your libido is as high as you say it is, are you masturbating? Do you have toys to help you? I am a firm believer that a healthy sex life includes masturbation, and if you are simply abstaining between boyfriends, that could explain why you are jumping to get in bed with someone.

Again, saying with all seriousness, and not meant to be offensive.

Seesaw

Oh okay, now reading ALL the posts I see that masturbation has been suggested.

Artchic, screw what everyone is saying. Here's me and my ex's story.

We dated online (didn't meet) for 2 years. We started at first as just being friends on Twitter and following each other's adventures. When I eventually moved closer to him for a job (12 hours away) he came down to visit. The first time we met we said there was no pressure and there was no sex tied to the visit. Except when we first met it was like magic. ANd yes, mind blowing sex was had. We did the long distance thing for years, staying tied at the hip via text messages and visiting a few times a year. Eventually we just couldn't keep it up, after about 3 more years and called it quits. There are other reasons we broke up as well but the distance ended up being the main reason.

My point is that you can have a completely meaningful relationship with someone online, meet them in person, have great sex, and continue to have a meaningful relationship. If one of us had wanted to break down and move to the city of the other, we probably would've gotten married but I guess neither of us was willing to do that. (Part of the problem was that I was in Montana and he was over the border in Canada, and neither of us could imagine starting our careers over in a new country as well as city.)

So get to know this guy really well online and meet when you feel it's right. Online relationships can be successful, and they don't grow like IRL relationships although they should grow to real life eventually.

Seesaw

I dunno if mind blowing sex can be had when the guy is so inexperienced. I know my first time was all nerves and pain, granted I am female and pain goes with the first time or two.

Also, I am masturbating, nearly every day. Doesn't seem to fulfill the need for intimacy though it is pleasurable.

*starts googling said hitachi magic wands*