Not Interested in Counseling

My wife just said "I'm not interested in counseling."
Standard response, sadly.
So...Therapy is out, couples therapy is out, spiritual help is out, I'm running out of options here. Part of my problem is that after the past few days I'm not that interested in fixing our marriage either.
Only problem is that there are two kids involved, only one would end up with me, I would miss the other one ("it's complicated").

That's really unfortunate. I do hope that you will consider getting some kind of support for yourself even if it is not possible to fix the marriage. With kids, you need to set things up so that they can be as secure and healthy as possible and sometimes counselling can help with that too.
I am sorry your wife isn't on board with the counselling, that's hard to hear.

What about rekindling some activities that you two can do together that you used to enjoy doing?

Going to the movies?

A walk on the beach?

Morning coffee?

Doesn't have to be anything that costs a lot of money.

I wonder if you have considered telling her what you have just written here? Since she has nixed all of those options, perhaps she really wants a divorce. While I am not a fan of divorce, I also don't believe in people being held hostage and you and by extension the kids seem to be held hostage to your spouse's 'non-interests.' When people dig their heels in and insist on an untenable situation, it's time to consider going in the opposite direction--the one where your interests and by extension the kids' are given primary consideration.

A good and thoughtful point! Unfortunately, in the past the way forward together was for me to say "yes" and then "I'm sorry" and then "we'll do it your way" and then we're a couple again. But I've been saying "no" a lot recently, and my wife is really a "my way or the highway" kinda gal. She said in the past she wants a divorce because then I have knuckled under and said "yes/sorry/your way..." but I don't know if she really ever means it. My feeling now is that we're not in a relationship, I'm just part of her staff, and it's awful even without the past few days of abuse.

I can honestly say, counseling will not work if both parties are not willing to make it work. I tried 5 times with my ex H. That last time, I was guilted into it after I had asked for a divorce and I was bullied by both him and the therapist and ended it. Esp at the point that my ex threw a laundry basket against the wall because I wasn't out of bed yet.
Both my therapist and psychiatrist said 'get out'. So I did. It had been a long time coming.
If you are experiencing abuse, verbal or physical, I strongly suggest leaving. It's not worth it for your mental well being to stay.

Dear MrMoose...

I have read your posts. They are not lengthy, but they hold a ton of pain and confusion and self-doubt.

I have my opinions on your wife, but there is no reason to listen to me, at all. They would only be based on what information you have given, anyway.

I think you have a lot to offer. I think you have a pretty low self-esteem (probably caused by, definitely exacerbated by, Mrs.Moose).

You are hurting. I think that therapy for yourself might give you the ability to speak without being judged so that you can hear yourself and (maybe) gain back some confidence.

I failed at my own therapy (for different reasons) so perhaps I am not the one to give advice. Lord knows nobody has to listen to me.

But I think it would only be of benefit to you to understand that you have a voice, and you have a right to be heard.