[Mike91]

Hi guys,

I'm with this girl for almost a year now (I'm 25 and she is 27). The other day she told me that she needs to forget about me in order to go back with her ex.

She says that I'm what shw always dreamed about it and that she's not able to leave straight away, but she needs to do that gradually, by stopping seeing each other every day, texting and so forth.

She also said that she wants me to be in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together, she will die if I cut all contacts with her.

I find the situation a little bit weird and somewhat dysfunctional. She talks to me like if she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to achieve that, like if it was a project assigned at work.

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm realy in love with her, so it is difficult for me.

What do you guys suggest?

Thank you!

[~Christina]

Advice ?

Dump her now.... Why allow her to use you ? Be grateful you dodged a very huge bullet.

No need to be her doormat.

Welcome to PC

[Michelea]

It's very difficult to look at a relationship objectively when you are part of that relationship. If a friend/brother/sister was in a relationship with someone trying to do this to them, what action would you want them to take?

[Bill3]

She also said that she wants me to be in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together, she will die if I cut all contacts with her.

I don't see this as working out well for you. Given that she has informed you that she is in the process of leaving you, I think you should cut contact with her. You will be torturing yourself by being "friends" with someone you love, and by being an ongoing witness to her closeness with someone else. Plus, I think you should let her experience what life is like without you; maybe she will change her mind.

she will die if I cut all contacts with her

Is she seriously suggesting that actual harm will come to her if you cut contacts with her? If so, this would be what is known as emotional blackmail,

Emotional Blackmail ? Out of the FOG

[Steiner of Thule]

Yeah, **** that. Just block her and move on.

It's not your loss but hers, you didn't lose someone who loved you but she lost someone who loved her.

I wouldn't put up with that. End of story.

[TishaBuv]

Tell her she can't have both. Since she chooses to go back to her ex, you are out of her life. It just doesn't work the way she wants it to.

[Trippin2.0]

Tell her to grow up and eff off.


You don't get to gradually break up with your partner just because you don't like change.


Clearly she doesn't think very highly of you, but she obviously finds your presence useful.


There's two of you, the world doesn't revolve around her.


Cut, block and run.


You deserve better than her.

[Crazy Hitch]

She wants her cake and she wants to it eat too. Don't let her. Feed her stale bread and send her packing

[kipper-bang]

Originally Posted by Mike91

Hi guys,

I'm with this girl for almost a year now (I'm 25 and she is 27). The other day she told me that she needs to forget about me in order to go back with her ex.

She says that I'm what shw always dreamed about it and that she's not able to leave straight away, but she needs to do that gradually, by stopping seeing each other every day, texting and so forth.

She also said that she wants me to be in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together, she will die if I cut all contacts with her.

I find the situation a little bit weird and somewhat dysfunctional. She talks to me like if she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to achieve that, like if it was a project assigned at work.

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm realy in love with her, so it is difficult for me.

What do you guys suggest?

Thank you!

What an awful woman!! If you are not careful she will go back to the old BF and at the first sign of trouble she try and get back with you. I'm sorry you are still in love with her as this situation must be eating you up inside.

The logical thing to do is ignore all her calls & texts and pretend to be out if she calls round. But love turns us into illogical beings, and we often do things that hurt ourselves just to keep our love interest around.

Tell her to get out and careful of the door on the way. Buhbyeee!!! She will play you and the ex for as long as you let her. You will end up feeling used and dejected. Cut your losses, there are many more out there deserving of your love. She, my dear, is not one of them!

[Talthybius]

It puzzles me why she tells you plainly she will leave you, but expects you to stay with her till the day she leaves you.

This makes no sense. She is either saying things she doesn't mean and making any healthy relationship impossible, or she has zero respect for you.

In either case, this isn't relationship material.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Mike91

Hi guys,

I'm with this girl for almost a year now (I'm 25 and she is 27). The other day she told me that she needs to forget about me in order to go back with her ex.

She says that I'm what shw always dreamed about it and that she's not able to leave straight away, but she needs to do that gradually, by stopping seeing each other every day, texting and so forth.

She also said that she wants me to be in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together, she will die if I cut all contacts with her.

I find the situation a little bit weird and somewhat dysfunctional. She talks to me like if she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to achieve that, like if it was a project assigned at work.

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm realy in love with her, so it is difficult for me.

What do you guys suggest?

Thank you!

You're in love, you say but is it really that you care about her or for other reasons that you can't deal with not being with her? think about it. The fact that she says she needs to get back with her ex to you but wants to keep you on a string anyway kind of says a lot about her. I highly doubt that over the past year that she has shown no signs of being this type of person already or that this is new behavior entirely. For that reason if it's coming as a shock to you, it's probably because you've been in a mode where you're not paying much attention to what is really going on. Rarely do people suddenly change like this but there are almost always signs of it along the way, we just don't pay attention and/or ignore, remain in denial that there is a problem.

Do you really want to hang onto someone that has by no uncertain terms laid out their motivation to manipulate you? She knows you're attached. She likes to think of you as being a safety net, that's all it is. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and her own needs.

Run. Run away, fast.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

It puzzles me why she tells you plainly she will leave you, but expects you to stay with her till the day she leaves you.

This makes no sense....

Definitely nonsensical.


IME, its quite common for females to plan their exit strategy wayyyy in advance, as opposed to the male method of "Band Aid Style" but this is honestly the first time I ever encounter one who verbalized her plan.

[divine1966]

The girl is out of line. No one leaves gradually

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Definitely nonsensical.


IME, its quite common for females to plan their exit strategy wayyyy in advance, as opposed to the male method of "Band Aid Style" but this is honestly the first time I ever encounter one who verbalized her plan.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed.