[compassion]

recently separated with a wife whom I love dearly but have finally realized has schizoid disorder. Anyone else dealt with this? What do I do?

[mylife]

Sorry I can't help you in answer to this question, but welcome to the forums!

[darkeyes]

Hi,
Welcome to the forum, please by all means pardon me for saying this but you say you "love her dearly"? Have you had her to a psychiatrist? Had she ever been evaluated and diagnosed with this disorder, cause you said you "finally realized" she has this schzoid disorder? I'm sorry but I think in order for some of us to give you some feedback you'd need to give us a little more info, this so far is a little too vague. From experience, when someone has mental disorders living with that person is very trying,exhausting while they are going through the hard times while hopefully their doctors are trying to hit on the proper diagnosis and medications that will help stabilize them. You need to realize the patient is also going through as much hell as you are, even more. Love is strong, if you truly love someone this can be some test of that, not saying a test of your patience. As I said, I don't know enough about your situation to give you any info that may be of help to you, infact I don't want to upset you, so if you wish to give us more background to work with and perhaps someone here can be of help to you. What I can say, seperation is not always the answer if you truly "love her dearly", if you haven't sought out professional help by now I suggest you do soon. I hope all works out for you two, take care now.
"darkeyes"

[compassion]

Thanks for your post.

She meets all the conditions for schizoid from the DSM IV.

from www.pipeline.co website:

neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family

almost always chooses solitary activities

has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person

takes pleasure in few, if any, activities

lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives

appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others

shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

has a childhood history of grossly inadequate, cold, or neglectful early parenting, which often began early in life. These traumatic experiences create an expectation that relationships will not be gratifying and a subsequent defensive withdrawal from others.

Intrusive mothering, detached fathering.

Basis belief: I need plenty of space
Strategy: Isolation

All this fits, she has been to a counsellor who has not been much help. I know it will take time. It does seem the best thing at this point is to give her space. She is around people of faith who give Christian counsel to work on the marriage and herself.

Thanks again

[kitty]

Compassion: Are you diagnosing her or did her dr diagnose her? I meet most of the conditions you listed and I am not schizoid. However, whatever her condition is, if you truly love her, you should try to stand by her if you can.

[darkeyes]

Christian counsel may be good, but you really need to see a Psychiatrist to have an exact, precise, evaluation, I cannot stress this enough. Psychologists can do this, but will usually refer you to a Psychiatrist to make a definate diagnose and it is there that proper treament can begin, if this is definately schizophrenia, talk therapy alone is not going to treat this, you need to have both. Also, when you have an experience once with a therapist, etc. and are not pleased with the results you cannot just stop there and call it quits, you must find another one and persue this otherwise there will be no progress at all. And one last word, you can not go strictly by DSM IV criteria for mental disorders, many can overlap, ex: some behaviors of Bipolar disorder can mimic Schizophrenic behavior, some ADD/ADDHD behaviors can be similar as Bipolar, etc. you see what I am saying? These are just guidelines, but it is up to the professionals to make the determination as to what the indivdual has, not us or some Christian counsel. This is or could be a serious matter and should not be taken lightly, so for the benefit of your loved one and you too I'd suggest you pursue this. Maybe your family doctor can refer you to someone, or call you local Mental Health, or Hospital and see if they have a Psychiatric dept. and get a referral to a doctor in your area, it is hard but don't give up.
I am praying for you and wish you lots of love and luck.
Please take care of yourself and her
"darkeyes"

[darkeyes]

PS I forgot to also mention, do not try to diagnose on your own, websites are fine like you went to, for information and there are many good and informative ones out there, but sometimes people are tempted to rely on them, I don't think you were but I just thought I'd mention it. Again, take care, and if ever you feel like talking, come here and do so, you are always welcomed here
"darkeyes"

[compassion]

Thanks for the kind comments.

We are still talking, some constructive things going on, some slow progress. Very transparent talk last evening for about an hour and a half. The things we used to argue about we talked about calmly and there was good give and take. Hope this continues. Feel like I don't really even know my wife and want to connect in the way we're supposed to.

I do love the woman so much.

Always have, always will.

[darkeyes]

Great, it's a begining, right? I am happy to hear that
Yeah, you are right about "slow" progress, but it is "progress" in the making, and that is a start. I'm sending you two my wishes for continued progress, and remember don't give up even if you hit a low point for a moment, it happens, but don't stop working at it, like in other words don't get discouraged, okay? Best of luck and remember what I said you can always stop back here and chat with us
"darkeyes"

[Zenobia]

Just to counterpoint Darkeyes post: I went to the quizzes section on this site and did every one of those quizzes. I came up with being likely to have everyone of those disorders except ADHD. Before you think that I am a wack job I really do not have all those disorders. My disorder symptoms just overlap all the others. So my point is that it would be a good idea to get her into see a qualified perfessional. Even if she deffinately has this disorder she should get some help in learning to overcome it and lead a normal life. Also it is helpful if you and her go in for some couples therapy. When I was diagnosed my therapist kept insisting that my husband and I go in together to one of his co-workers. It was incredibly helpful to my husband because he was able to gain some understanding of what I was going through and how he could help me and care for himself while our lives were in turmoil. I am so glad he didn't just dump me when he was at a total loss for what to do. He was in a lot of pain and I could understand him leaving me. His support has been one of the reasons I have improved as much as I have. Take care,
Zen

<font color=green>Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.--Angela Monet

[darkeyes]

What did you mean about "counterpoint"? I'm afraid I don't understand what you meant here to this man. If it was in reference to me telling him about info at websites, I told him do not use them to self diagnose, just for info. You are right about those "quizzes", gee, I think almost everyone would have almost every disorder or at least half of them, in the general public, especially on our major highways, ha!ha! Sorry, only kidding about the major highways, after having one of those weeks of driving amongst a lot of "road ragers", just one of those weeks. But what Zen just said about going together to the therapist is excellent advice, it was too bad I couldn't get my husband to go more often with me, I think it was a "macho" thing with him, or something.
Good advice Zen
"darkeyes"

[Zenobia]

Jeez, why the heck would I have put counterpoint? Now that is totally weird. I wonder what was going on in my mind at the time that would place that word in my head? Hmmm. I have been having this difficulty all day. I think one thing a write the opposite. It has got me worried.
Zen

<font color=green>Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.--Angela Monet

[darkeyes]

Ah,
Don't worry about it, I just thought maybe I said something wrong "again", ha!ha! especially when I am trying to be so carefull and sure to be helpful. I for sure wouldn't advise anyone to go according to these questionnaires, quizzes, or even the DMS IV or DSM IV, whatever the hell they call it, you see I've seen the damn manual so many times it has made me dyslexic, ha!ha! But really so many symptoms to so many mental illness can overlap as the behaviors that also go with them, that one really needs a good psychiatrist or an excellent psychologist to make a precise diagnose. And sometimes a 2nd or even 3rd opinion wouldn't hurt if you still feel uncertain. Zen, thanks for replying you made me feel better I really thought I did it again. Maybe you were just having what my neighbor's little girls say "a topsy turvy day", she has the 2 cutest little girls I've ever seen, they treat me like an aunt, and I just love that feeling Take care now
"darkeyes"
2 very tired eyes

[splash]

Hi compassion. Welcome to the forums!

Questions (as usual):

Has she always exhibited these "symptoms" (for lack of a better word at the moment), and if so, have they gotten worse over time?

How old is your wife, and how long have you known her?

The reason I ask these questions is because, if you read the getting help for people with PD's can be difficult.

Best wishes. Let us know how things are going, not only with your wife but with you, too.

splash

[Zenobia]

don't you know it splash! I went on for years blaming everything on my husband. Don't get me wrong there was some abuse on his part but if it wasn't for my damn illness I would have been able to make him knock it off or leave him. Knowing how much he loves me I know he would have towed the line in the end IF...and it is a big if...I had been able to make sense of what was going on. Yeah, there was nothing wrong with me...until I started thinking about suicide all the time then I kinda got the hint that I really needed to see someone about it.
Zen

<font color=green>Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.--Angela Monet