Hi. I am dating a 25 year old. I am 33. I'm not happy emotionally. But he seems to want to move fast physically. I am ok with this because it feels good physically. I keep feeling awful though. I don't know him well. And I have trust issues. I worry about something different everyday with this guy. Don't even know if I want to get to know him. I thought I liked him. I am in a different place than him. I told him I am beyond the whole moving fast thing. But then find myself making out with him in his car. I feel like the very things I would give advice to people here, I'm going against my own advice. I just feel very uneasy about all this. And I want to just get my mind off it. I wish I was the kind of person who...could do stuff like this (make out with a guy she likes in his car she barely knows). And not pay too much thought to it. I don't think he's very mature. I know I wasn't at that age. He was super overcome with sex hormones. It made me happy. But it was also weird. Like, dude, control yourself. He says he likes me. And wants to get to know me. But I don't feel a connection emotionally. And I need that. I also wonder if he's just saying that he wants to get to know me and wants to date me, because I'm the second woman he's ever been with and he's super horny.

There's a part of me like, I can do this. And a part of me like, I can't. Help.

[divine1966]

How blunt do you want me to be? I am not good with bs. Dump the guy.

If you are not connected and happy emotionally do not engage in any physicality with him. And frankly it doesn't sound promising to me. I wish someone told me this when I was younger. Dump the guy. Trust me.

Others probably won't agree with me but I am rarely wrong with figuring out where things are going with relationships ( not necessarily in my own life).

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Update: I dumped him.

I'm sure part of it hurt, dumping him...but it sounds like you did the right thing. Good for you!

I talked to my mom before I did it. All my feelings came out. And she reflected that, and validated me. It became clear then. I really do think intuition is real, too. Red flags

[divine1966]

Good job. Hugs!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[fairydustgirl]

Very proud of you for listening to your intuition and heeding the red flags...I need to remember to do the same! (((BIG HUGS)))

It takes real guts to listen to your inner voice in this face of pressure - be proud of yourself StarrySky!

[Talthybius]

I don't see where she said anything about him that shows red flags. I feel bad about that guy. He thought he was doing everything right, then suddenly he is dumped. That is how it reads to me.

[fairydustgirl]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

I don't see where she said anything about him that shows red flags. I feel bad about that guy. He thought he was doing everything right, then suddenly he is dumped. That is how it reads to me.

She said it about when she spoke to her mom about him.
Not everyone can go with the sex without an emotional connection.
He was pushing the physical without the emotion.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

I don't see where she said anything about him that shows red flags. I feel bad about that guy. He thought he was doing everything right, then suddenly he is dumped. That is how it reads to me.

He was rushing to move fast physically before she even knows him well. That's never good.

Also if a person doesn't want to continue dating it doesn't always mean that somebody did anything wrong. She didn't feel emotional connection and knew very little about him yet he was rushing sex.

She also said he was immature. There is no need for a 33 year old woman to date immature guy.

It's full of red flags. It doesn't mean he he is a bad person, it just means he isn't suitable dating partner for this person at this moment

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Crazy Hitch]

If he was mature he'd treat you like a lady and not attempt to hump you in his car.

He needs to respect you a lot more than that.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by starrysky

Update: I dumped him.

Crazy_Hitch, thats an awesome gif.

[Talthybius]

If I read the post, she told him one thing verbally, the other non-verbally. She said she was going against her own advice. She said him being sexually turned on made her feel happy.
Not that he didn't listen to her.

I am not saying this way going into the correct direction, but you guys make it sound he was bad and rightly dumped. If he was posting here, I think you guys would say "Hey don't worry about it. She was not good enough for you. Blabla. You dodged a bullet."

She didn't say he was immature.

She didn't say he humped her in the car.

Originally Posted by Talthybius

If I read the post, she told him one thing verbally, the other non-verbally. She said she was going against her own advice. She said him being sexually turned on made her feel happy.
Not that he didn't listen to her.

I am not saying this way going into the correct direction, but you guys make it sound he was bad and rightly dumped. If he was posting here, I think you guys would say "Hey don't worry about it. She was not good enough for you. Blabla. You dodged a bullet."

She didn't say he was immature.

She didn't say he humped her in the car.

Talthybius, I'm the original poster. I don't know why you're taking such a personal opinion with my own issue, maybe you feel rejected yourself by someone. but this guy tried to hump me in his car. He was immature. He was sending me red flags left and right. I was also uncomfortable. I told him to stop. I told him I had to go and he grabbed my *** when I got out of the car. The fact that someone may enjoy sex and also not want to have it and be made uncomfortable with someone coming on to them, is a normal human thing. It's not black and white thinking. Its what makes people feel pressured into having sex. its what makes it hard for someone to say no in the heat of the moment. I was confused and trying to work out my feelings here. My feelings are worked out. I dumped a guy for moving too fast with me and having bad boundaries, and giving me a bad feeling.

Talthybius, I am not comfortable with you posting to me about this issue. Or anyone, really, trying to pick apart and piece apart things I did and said, of no relevance to me, in order to make themselves feel better for whatever reason. Its not helpful or supportive to me.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

If I read the post, she told him one thing verbally, the other non-verbally. She said she was going against her own advice. She said him being sexually turned on made her feel happy.
Not that he didn't listen to her.

I am not saying this way going into the correct direction, but you guys make it sound he was bad and rightly dumped. If he was posting here, I think you guys would say "Hey don't worry about it. She was not good enough for you. Blabla. You dodged a bullet."

She didn't say he was immature.

She didn't say he humped her in the car.

Nobody say he bad. People aren't obligated to date everyone they meet. People have rights to choose who they date. People have choices.

We can't possibly end up in a relationship with everyone we meet.

You said yourself you asked woman out and she said she isn't interested. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or did anything wrong. She just wasn't interested.

OP doesn't want to date this particular person, it doesn't matter for what reason. She dated him for a short period of time. You make it sound like she filed for divorce all of a sudden or something. They aren't committed. They just started dating.

That's how dating works. People see if they want to proceed further or look for more suitable partner.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Talthybius]

This is odd. Pretty sure there is more info here either through PM or previous posts.

Anyway, the only people making this personal is divine1966 and starrysky, suggesting the advice I give are wrong because they are coloured by my personal experiences or frustrations and that being wrong.

It's just odd that a person comes here, complains about a relationship going in the wrong direction, with no talk about ending it. Then a person comes and only says 'dump him'.

Then OP comes back and says 'Ok, he is dumped.'.

If he groped you, ignored 'stop', made you feel uncomfortable, yes, this is the right decision. But that wasn't in the OP. All that was in the OP was the poster being turned on by the physical, but being unsure about the emotional, and them failing to communicate effectively, with it being unclear who was to blame for that.

In the OP, they were going too fast. Not him. In the OP, he was as mature as she was at his age.

This relationship was probably in a bad vibe that made it hard to recover from. Probably she should have ended the relationship much earlier. But I just don't think we are doing the OP justice by high-fiving her dumping someone.
And saying 'he doesn't sound like the right person for you' is completely different.

No, I don't make it sound like they divorced.

'Dumping' people on command because a complete stranger online tells you to do so is odd and immature. That is how this post read to me.

Also, if he gives her exactly what she wants in the moment, which is what it sounds like, but she is uncomfortable with her own sexuality, or unable to set boundaries for herself, the solution is not to 'dump' people. Dumping people doesn't make you better at making an emotional connection.

Of course this goes with the trend of this place just telling people what they want to hear.

That's why I don't post things I think people feel is supportive to them. That's deceptive and dishonest behavior.

That the OP says she is not comfortable by me looking at it differently suggests to me I am not wrong.

Originally Posted by Talthybius

This is odd. Pretty sure there is more info here either through PM or previous posts.

Anyway, the only people making this personal is divine1966 and starrysky, suggesting the advice I give are wrong because they are coloured by my personal experiences or frustrations and that being wrong.

It's just odd that a person comes here, complains about a relationship going in the wrong direction, with no talk about ending it. Then a person comes and only says 'dump him'.

Then OP comes back and says 'Ok, he is dumped.'.

If he groped you, ignored 'stop', made you feel uncomfortable, yes, this is the right decision. But that wasn't in the OP. All that was in the OP was the poster being turned on by the physical, but being unsure about the emotional, and them failing to communicate effectively, with it being unclear who was to blame for that.

In the OP, they were going too fast. Not him. In the OP, he was as mature as she was at his age.

This relationship was probably in a bad vibe that made it hard to recover from. Probably she should have ended the relationship much earlier. But I just don't think we are doing the OP justice by high-fiving her dumping someone.
And saying 'he doesn't sound like the right person for you' is completely different.

No, I don't make it sound like they divorced.

'Dumping' people on command because a complete stranger online tells you to do so is odd and immature. That is how this post read to me.

Also, if he gives her exactly what she wants in the moment, which is what it sounds like, but she is uncomfortable with her own sexuality, or unable to set boundaries for herself, the solution is not to 'dump' people. Dumping people doesn't make you better at making an emotional connection.

Of course this goes with the trend of this place just telling people what they want to hear.

That's why I don't post things I think people feel is supportive to them. That's deceptive and dishonest behavior.

That the OP says she is not comfortable by me looking at it differently suggests to me I am not wrong.

You are jumping to conclusions and I feel attacked. You are assuming things based on what you see only on internet forum. I didn't dump anyone because divine or anyone told me to. I said I spoke with my mother and it became clear to me. But you know what? Let's say I did. Let's say I dumped him because someone suggested it to me and I thought, great idea! My perogative. My decision. You sound like a troll and I will have no more discussion about this. Leave me alone. I get it. you identify with the guy in the story. Great. Bye.

[Talthybius]

"You are just a troll [..]"

Really. So immature.

I was never dumped. Talk about wrong assumptions. Divine is lying.

If you don't want to read my posts, don't post and read here.

[FooZe]

This thread is being closed for administrative review.