So sick of being accused

I am really at the end of my rope. I am going to start from the most recent incident and go backwards.

The other night, the police came to my door at 2am. They were looking for my ex-fiance, who apparently cracked up his car. I made the mistake of telling this to my bf. He came over because he said that he needed the charger for his phone, and proceeded to keep me up for an hour and a half after I planned to go to bed, knowing full well that I had to get up early for work, interrogating me about what happened. In his mind the reason that they came to my house was that I am still talking to my ex. I have a restraining order against the guy. I am certainly not talking to him. I had to tell bf repeatedly to get out of my house and that I needed sleep.

About a week ago, a guy friend sent me a message about meeting up for a drink. BF saw it and flipped out. He hit me in the head with my Kindle, and said it was an accident. I don't think it was. Another time he went through my phone and saw that I had hung out with a guy friend. Flipped out and said that the guy wouldn't be around to see Thanksgiving, and that it was nothing compared to what he'd do to me. Then he said that he was so upset that he didn't remember what he said. He's snooped through my storage rooms, peeked in the drawers in the chest in my spare room - I have no idea what he thinks he is going to find. He's gone off on me because he accused me of playing with myself in my sleep. This is just unreasonable. In his own mind he is right and I am sick of defending myself.

I have tried over and over again to prove that I am a good woman, but it is never good enough. He will just find something else to be mad about. I feel hopeless and disgusted.

You need to end this relationship, now .

His anger, jealously is probably only going to get worse. Accidental hitting you with the kindle? No No No .. Get him out of your life asap

You might need a restraining order on him.

Please stay safe.

Oh no, he's got to GO. And yes, get a restraining order on him as well. Whatever his problem is, it's only going to get worse, before it can ever get better, and you're safety comes FIRST. >^..^<

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Definitely safety first. This sounds abusive, and I would be scared. Get out now while you still can. Hope you are okay.

You are at the end of your rope for a reason, you are choosing partners that are controlling and abusive and don't respect YOU.

This means you are in an abusive relationship. You should never have to try that hard. You need to have therapy so you can get to the bottom of why you end up choosing the wrong individuals as partners. You have developed a victim mentality and you need to get to the bottom of it so you don't live out your life as an ongoing victim in the relationships you have.

My therapist just told me to "knock it off". As if it were that easy. If it were, no one would be going through this.

I think part of the reason he does this is my bipolar. He criticizes me for talking meds, yet he has friends that take pills just to get high. He doesn't listen to reason and he says that he doesn't need to be a doctor to know what he is talking about. He'll turn it back on me and say I am no angel that he is tired of being "battered". I can be outspoken at times, but I do not "batter" anyone. I just bring up stuff like why he's getting his electric shut off, that maybe he needs a budget to do some prioritizing. Battering? I am just telling the truth. And he plays it off so well - super polite to other people. They just think he is wonderful.

Dump him and get far far away.

This so embarassing. And I feel so stupid for trying so hard.

He always talks about how other women have cheated on him. You know what? I have had guys cheat on me. That doesn't mean I go around treating every guy out there like crap. I don't want to go out with friends because I don't want to feel on edge the whole time. He thinks that I am taking s--t about him when all I am saying is the truth. Right now I don't care if he is the last man on earth. I don't care if no one wants a 41 year old woman with bipolar. I have to end this for my own sanity.

Sounds like a dangerous bf and so possessive and controlling. Your safety is at risk. Put yourself first and end the relationship.

Forget about it. You never to prove you are good woman to him. Only person you need to be proving anything of your decency is you. You don't need his approval. You do need your own. I lived with emotionally abusive man for some time and I my self image of me was as low as the Marianna Trench. ie lowest part of the earth's oceans. Too me years of therapy to recover. I know personally it can be extremely rough to be in an abusive relationship of any kind.

End this relationship at once.

it would be so easy for me to say leave this guy fast but I know its not that easy and sometimes its even more dangerous for a person in an abusive relationship to just walk /run and dump their abusive person in their life.

first things first only you can decide whether you can and want to stay in this relationship. If you decide you want to stay then maybe a suggestion of planning ways that you feel you can be safe while still in this relationship ie some that I know have put locks on their bathroom door so that either person in the relationship can have privacy any time they need to take a few moments to their self. others I know plan ahead by stashing somewhere in the home a spare disposable cell phone (a cheep cell phone from a department store that you add minutes and air time by purchasing a card then by going into the phone's menu you can type the number of the card into the phone) this way the person in an abusive relationship isnt cut off from others nor help if needed

should you decide to leave this relationship here in my location domestic violence agencies teach dont attempt to leave right away, to plan the leaving in such a way that it doesnt put you and your life in danger... ie stash a set of clothing, spare phone and money with a friend, this way if the person in an abusive relationship must get out quick they dont have to worry about gathering what they need. they can just go. check out local agencies that may help when the time comes. many states participate in a domestic violence underground railroad where they have shelters and will help those in need to get out of the area. when it is time to go, leave at a time when you have plenty of time between when the abuser leaves for work or where ever and their coming back into the home. this gives a victim of domestic violence extra time to escape without needing to worry that the abuser is right on their trail. use cash not credit cards nor back cards that can be traced to your locations through purchases of food, clothing and other necessities. domestic violence classes in my location also teaches once out of the situation no contact with any friends or family due to thats usually the first place abusers go looking for their victims and no telling relatives and friends any plans of where the victim is going due to domestic violence abusers use intimidation and threats to uncover where their victims are.

whether you decide to stay or leave I hope you have ways to keep yourself safe.

Please run!


There is no way this is good for you, and it looks like it's getting progressively worse too.


Ps. You may need a restraining order again.

No no no no no.

His behaviour is not acceptable.

It either stems from being extremely controlling, or insecure due to past hurt in previous relationships.

This relationship is an impending disaster waiting to happen.

You don't deserve this

Oh so he's a know it all too and can diagnose what you can and can not take because he has a degree in mental health as well as a doctorate in medication?

Didn't think so ...

He's an arrogant son of a *****.

He's an arrogant, immature ****. End this relationship now and run away and do not ever even consider taking him back.

He is quite scary IMHO. Accused of playing with yourself? It's not against the law to play with oneself. Like he never does. He is snooping in your drawers and you don't even live together. I don't see how your bipolar could possibly justify his behavior. I think he is dangerous.

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Get out before it is to late. You deserve respect and love like everyone else. You are not a punching bag. No one accidentally throws a kindle. Do not put yourself through this any longer. (((( Hugs)))).

I have come to the conclusion that there is no way that this is going to work. He thinks he is such a great guy and that I am a horrible person. I have done so much for him, but he seems to conveniently forget about that. He says the way I feel, I do this to myself. No. He is the one that is doing this to me. He was messing with my head making me think I had to work today. My office has been closed every July 4th. I am going through some tough times and all he could do is talk about what he wanted. I need to just dump off his crap on his porch when he is not home and just cut him out of my life, for my own sake. Who gives a damn if I have to be alone. It's better than being treated like this.

*singing*


I won't be a fool, a fool for our love

'Cause I know I'd rather be alone than be here unhappy


Karyn White


And in the words of Oprah Winfrey, "Don't waste your pretty on this man"


You deserve better, and yes, sometimes alone is definitely better. Alone doesn't have to equal lonely, and it's temporary, hopefully the alone time will help you recognize / identify better mating / dating material.

I am happy for you. Smart woman!

Hi notthisagain.

First order of business…If he has a key to your apartment, arrange to have a deadlock installed asap. Also he will undoubtedly insist on a reason as to why you don't want to be with him anymore..Try to be kind but firm, without citing his faults, but your own goals.
As in…'I dont want to be in a relationship right now' or ' I want to focus on my study/work'.

It is important to keep all animosity to a minimum…as he could very well become hostile. Ensure that you let your neighbours and family know that you have broken off with this man, so if he starts to create problems for you there is support around you.

I hope that you can move on quickly from this, and just remember that you deserve to feel safe & be happy.

Good for you - you've taken the hardest step and that's making the decision. Take every precaution especially security around your usual routes like home to job and back, change your locks etc. And please do not look back or feel sorry for him if he starts puling at our heart strings. I have to agree with others: so much better to be happy and confident on your own than feeling like a piece of poo in his company.

Another safety idea: police departments usually offer a free service where an officer will come to your home and look at your existing security system (or lack thereof). They will make suggestions on how to keep your home more secure as well as your personal safety. These are often low or no-cost things like cutting back overgrown shrubbery or showing you how to properly secure a glass sliding door. If you are concerned about being followed, ask them to check if a GPS has been put on your car.

They may have a service where they will drive by and check your house (viewing from their vehicle on the street) if you give them a specific range of dates, what make/model of vehicles are on the property, and if anyone else is permitted on the premises. I've done this while on vacation and requested it by calling their non-emergency number. Ask your local law enforcement if drive by safety checks can be done.

Lastly, look in your back seat and underneath your car before entering it. I've heard pepper spray is effective for sel-defense and you can put it on your keychain. You want your keys in hand in a parking lot. Don't get distracted fumbling through a bag for car keys or talk on your cell phone. Do keep your phone on and nearby. Keep your whereabouts about you, so to speak. Take care.

Read through these and hope you broke it off with this guy. Please let us know how you are doing