Anxious and Nervous about meeting a guy I met online.

I have made plans to meet up with a guy that I met online in a couple of weeks. Thing is, I am nervous as heck. What if I don't like him in person? We've talked on the phone and I've seen a few pictures of him, but it hasn't eased my nervousness. I have social anxiety and it's getting to me.

over the next two weeks find a way to actually video chat with him. If he is not willing ot do this I would opt out completely. Video chatting with him would ease you into the meeting and make it not such a drastic change. It would also serve to show you that he is real before you do go out on a limb and meet the stranger. Which he is, or anyone you meet for the first time.

Okay, first off, he's not a stranger. I hate when people insinuate that. Second off, I am going on vacation in about 6 days, but I will ask if he wants to video chat via skype before then and before we meet.

He is a stranger though. It's really easy to lie online. It's how come so many vulnerable men and women has been scammed out of money.

You haven't known this guy very long. Not long enough to catch him in any lies anyway. I've met people I've befriended online. I hadn't even chatted with them as we live in different countries. And I organized a meet up (we're friends from a forum we all use). I was ok with it as I'd known them for years, a group of us would be meeting each for the first time together, and it was in a public place on no ones home territory.

It's hard not to be nervous about meeting someone online. We can all really be surprised with how different someone is in person when we've known them online (for example with the meet up I mentioned one of the guys was surprised a bit by my sense of humour in person. I didn't think it was surprising but it was for him! The others weren't but he was. I was likewise surprised by someone else as I didn't think she'd be as rude as she was, as she is very sweet online!)

Just try to keep in mind that you're not in a relationship with this guy. Do you don't like him in person it isn't a big deal. You won't have to worry about running in to him or anything.

But he is. you only know his text messages. you hve never interacted. online people that you talk to, no matter how long remain strangers til physical life interactions and a meeting happens, heck people I meet in life physically remain strangers til we've connected and learned about each other as friends, acquaintances etc.

Good though if you video chat first. I have decided if I ever meet anyone online it is not a "thing" until I do with her.

Personally if I like somebody on a phone, I like them in real life. I don't mean romantically necessarily but i would like their company.

Have you had lengthy phone conversations where you can actually say you know a lot about the person? Do you have a lot in common? If yes then it should be ok, if you only text and email and don't know much about each other then be careful.

couple of things you could do is google him and see what comes up ( that would prove if he is who he says he is). Meet in a busy public place at lunch time. Have a back up plan in case you need to leave early

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Have you asked him for a picture where you ask him to hold some random item, that is another way to confirm that he is indeed showing you actual pictures of himself.

I know you disagree with him still really being in the stranger from many of our responses .. But he is a stranger until you meed in public and spend some time with him. Hell you might not like him at all in real life.

Your just meeting him, Hopefully in a public place and he is not picking you up at home, Safety comes first.

Is this Guy 1 or guy 2 that you are meeting?

Whenever you meet someone for the first time, pick a neutral, public place and let at least 2 people know where you will be and what you will be doing. When I used to date, I'd select a restaurant or coffee shop near a mall and have one of my girlfriends casually "bump into me" and act like she hasn't seen me in forever. And if I said, "So, how old are your kids now?" she knew the date was NOT going well and that I needed her. Then she would either pull up a chair next to us and break up the "date" (option 1) or she just grabbed my arm and said, "They're right in the store with my hubby. Do you want to see them for yourself?" and she whisked me away right then and there (option 2). The choice was based on whether the vibe she got was 'nice guy, but just not working', (option 1) or 'psycho guy who might stalk you in the future' (option 2). I never let the person know my full name or where exactly I lived and I often selected a place in another part of town to meet, so the 'psychos" were much less likely to be able to track me down after the disastrous date. Then, when my friends needed date interference, I provided the exact same service for them. May seem odd, but it worked and was actually very safe and effective.

I lost a lot! physically, monetarily, from the men with whom I tried to bond online in the dating sites. My opinion...it's a meat market. They want to meet you in person to size you up physically. They're just looking at you, first of all. If they like you physically, then it can proceed. What do you have to offer them? Financial, physical? Sorry to be so cynical about this potential relationship. Maybe, just out of a thousand chances to one, this fella wants a valid relationship. Mebbe time for you to try other means to meet men.

Gee, thanks for making me feel worse. Didn't know that was even possible...

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C'mon! don't feel down
The situation is possible, but not sure!

I know some guys around the world can be cruel and s***.
Let me tell you how i sort these kinds of stuff.

I'm a guy, and if i like someone, i like her and that's it. It's not always about looks, but more like personallity (it would be cynical if i'd say i don't care absolutely about the look. She doesn't have to be a model, just me liking her, i don't know if i explained this well)

This guy may have good intentions in getting to know you and liking you for who you are.
What could you ever lose?

I can give you an opposing experience. So, for actual online dating? I chatted with various guys via a dating sight. Have added three to Facebook - one was removed ages ago because he was creepy. The other two are there. One I still haven't met in person (been over a year!) but I am fine with that as we are just friends.

The third, and only, man I met off of a dating site? He is one of the very best people I have ever met. We are dating, but I cannot currently imagine my life without him.

So, it's really a luck of the draw thing

Getting married in less than two weeks, met on dating site. My cousin just had her third baby, they've met on dating site etc It's entirely possible.

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Congratulations!

See?
I don't see the problem is. If it is for you, it will hapen, if it isn't, then just keep looking.

What NewCommer just said!

Well, I think it's cancled. He started asking me questions like if I wanted a threesome, and how many kids I wanted. I was honest with him that I wanted neither and then things got all weird, he kept on accusing me of not being exclusive to him despite us not even meeting yet, and then accused me of having several dating profiles on other sites, thus "violating" his trust. Ugg. What a card.

I am truly sorry things didn't work out. Yeah that threesome thing is just "ugh" and the babies thing well that's a whole different story. Good thing you found about all this stuff, (trust issues etc) before meeting him. He did you a favor by showing his true colors ahead of time.

Nothing was lost in the end.
See?
It wasn't for you in the end. I'm sorry this happened to you. But i can tell you, everything happens for a reason

Omg I am glad you found out he is a jerk early on. Asking about kids is ok but threesomes? What's on the planet? So sorry but glad you are safe

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Really glad you are safe and that you reached out and also updated us

Just wanted to update you all and say that we reconciled after talking it out and setting some boundaries and the date is still on.

Why would you still meet him after he asked you about threesomes and then got controlling, possessive, and creepy? You've talked before about just kind of accepting whoever comes along, talking about sex with guys even when it makes you uncomfortable, etc. This guy is showing SO many red flags. He's shown that he is into threesomes (not a real relationship) and he is acting possessive (which could mean he is abusive). If recommend running away! Set some standards for yourself and don't compromise them. You can do better than settling for who is available.

I would pass on this guy. Truly. Having trouble finding a decent guy doesn't mean you don't deserve one. This one definitely doesn't deserve you, IMO. If you are going to meet him despite that, be very careful and do not go anywhere alone with him. Meet him when and where plenty of people will be around. Set a limit on the time you spend with him and set up a bail out plan.

Asking about threesomes would be a no no for me

. I once went on few dates with this guy who seemed decent and very classy but then he called me asking for another date and asked if I like group sex. When I asked him why would he even ask, he said because he likes it and found this group and if I want to join him. He proceeded describing activities they engage in. No kidding. Wtf. He was a doctor btw, very presentable. Gee. I'd say you are lucky you found out before meeting. I wasted couple of dates, not a big deal but I prefer not to waste any time at all. Thank him for being up front.

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I understand what everyone is saying, but some of us do like threesomes and group sex and just because we ask about them doesn't mean we're bad people. I've had numerous guys ask me to be with them and their girlfriends for a threesome, and I just look at it as a compliment and politely decline. People are degenerate because they have different sexual appetites.

If it's not your thing, just say it isn't and move on to the next guy. No need to judge.

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