[scar12346]

Because of my psychotic episodes, there has been some dead air between us. She continuously tells me that it is all in my head, which is true, but she repeats that I can stop it only by myself, which is not so true..
She constantly ignores my messages even though she knows that she is the only person in my life right now that I can talk with.
She says things like "Leave me alone for a while"
And I have extreme paranoia around her. She is currently dating another guy because we are in an open relationship, because if I close the relationship she will cheat on me.
She hugs every single ex, which her exes are everywhere..
She continuously says that she is not happy and that happiness is not real.
If I leave her I am on my own, which is not a good idea because I am suicidal. What do I even do in this situation.. Is there a way out?

We are here to support you. We aren't able to diagnose anyone and we recommend people see a doctor concerning whether they have a particular diagnosis. We also cannot function as a crisis line. Please call emergency services in your area or go immediately to the hospital if you are suicidal. Your recent posts in the schizophrenia forum show you've been having a hard time. We are glad you are reaching out for support.

If you are psychotic still, you may not be able to realize it. Are family members and friends saying you are currently psychotic or has your psychotic break passed? If it hasn't passed or people in your life are showing concern, I think you need medical attention by calling your doctor right away or going to the hospital. You're exhibiting signs of paranoia and possibly are delusional based on your post. You sound distressed and not feeling well. This is my unprofessional observation.

The woman in your life ... your relationship status is confusing to me. Are the two of you a couple but she is dating others? You don't need to continue being with her if she will not be exclusive to you. It sounds like you want her to be happy but she has to find that within herself. I think you need to focus on stabilizing yourself right now. Giving your girlfriend space may be good for you for a few days. If she wants to be left alone and tells you, then you need to respect that. Like I said, your post isn't clear on your relationship so these are general suggestions.

Focus on you. That is very important. Are you taking medication? Under the care of a doctor?

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Others will post here to you, too. Take care...part of me thinks the hospital may be safest for you now. It has helped me during hard times. Are you able to consider going inpatient?

[scar12346]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

We are here to support you. We aren't able to diagnose anyone and we recommend people see a doctor concerning whether they have a particular diagnosis. We also cannot function as a crisis line. Please call emergency services in your area or go immediately to the hospital if you are suicidal. Your recent posts in the schizophrenia forum show you've been having a hard time. We are glad you are reaching out for support.

If you are psychotic still, you may not be able to realize it. Are family members and friends saying you are currently psychotic or has your psychotic break passed? If it hasn't passed or people in your life are showing concern, I think you need medical attention by calling your doctor right away or going to the hospital. You're exhibiting signs of paranoia and possibly are delusional based on your post. You sound distressed and not feeling well. This is my unprofessional observation.

The woman in your life ... your relationship status is confusing to me. Are the two of you a couple but she is dating others? You don't need to continue being with her if she will not be exclusive to you. It sounds like you want her to be happy but she has to find that within herself. I think you need to focus on stabilizing yourself right now. Giving your girlfriend space may be good for you for a few days. If she wants to be left alone and tells you, then you need to respect that. Like I said, your post isn't clear on your relationship so these are general suggestions.

Focus on you. That is very important. Are you taking medication? Under the care of a doctor?

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Others will post here to you, too. Take care...part of me thinks the hospital may be safest for you now. It has helped me during hard times. Are you able to consider going inpatient?

I would love to go to a hospital right now. Problem is that if I tell my mam she will say "it will pass" if I tel my pdocs they will send me to the only hospital for kids and teens which is very well expensive. If I go to my pdocs now, I probably will have to wait for hours. I was placed on a waiting list, I am going at 11th of this month.
My relationship is an open one, for her. I am too loyal to love someone else. Nothing is really wrong. I was just being paranoid, but of course I will realise that after whatever is happening with me. I am being delusional, but I'm used to it.
For the suicidal thoughts, it's the same with the voices I just let it be, if they become bad enough I usually talk myself out of it.
I still do think she is abusive. I have never been so anxious around someone.

You sound more coherent. That is a good thing. Can you have a very direct talk with your parents and tell them you are NOT SAFE and the hospital will keep you safe and stabilize you. I'm sorry they are struggling with you. How old are you? I'm glad you are reaching out - you are not alone. Tell your parents this is NOT PASSING and you need help now.

If they refuse to help you, can you call your doctor now and say you are having a crisis emergency, you are not safe because you are suicidal and hear voices. Tell your doctor you need help from him/her as your parents are not understanding you are in crisis. Explain the 11th is too far away. It may not be the hospital you want, but sometimes we can't choose. Your health is priority. Many hospitals will do a payment program or bill on a sliding scale. That is your parents' concern. Don't be shy to tell your doctor you need the hospital right away.

If you can't reach your doctor call a local crisis line and explain the above. They should be able to help you right away. Tell them you've been experiencing psychosis, you are suicidal and you need help immediately to be safe. They will take it from there and help you. At least this is how it works in my country. Sometimes people don't understand and we need to advocate for ourselves that we need medical intervention right away.

I hope someone else will post here soon with ideas.

Your relationship with your girl can be addressed after you feel better. Don't stress about that now. That can wait.

[kecanoe]

Rainyday makes some good observations.

[Trippin2.0]

I can understand holding on to a bad relationship when you're lonely and that person is your only source of support.


But from what you've posted this girl doesn't even want to be supportive of you.


So, at the end of the day she gets everything she wants: A devoted bf who lets her sleep around on him so that she doesn't cheat instead, as well as all the space she can possible need or want.


What exactly is she giving you in return?


What are you really getting out of this relationship?


Just some points for you to ponder, no need to answer them here.


I really hope you get some help soon and please do call a hotline if you need talk things through urgently.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by scar12346

Because of my psychotic episodes, there has been some dead air between us. She continuously tells me that it is all in my head, which is true, but she repeats that I can stop it only by myself, which is not so true..
She constantly ignores my messages even though she knows that she is the only person in my life right now that I can talk with.
She says things like "Leave me alone for a while"
And I have extreme paranoia around her. She is currently dating another guy because we are in an open relationship, because if I close the relationship she will cheat on me.
She hugs every single ex, which her exes are everywhere..
She continuously says that she is not happy and that happiness is not real.
If I leave her I am on my own, which is not a good idea because I am suicidal. What do I even do in this situation.. Is there a way out?

(((SCAR)))
It's been awhile...miss seeing ur posts. I can relate... got no one but my SO either...and he is not much support lately. ......is this a new gf? Or the relationship that Loreen kinda threw u into?... Idk, what you should do, only u can decide what u are willing to put up with in this relationship. U can not make her change. So, is staying on "her hook" hoping, waiting (with no garrentee of change) for her to give u the support and loyalty you desire..does that outweigh, the loneliness is u break it off? Idk, only u can decide which is worse. .. I am loyal to a fault as well and never could cut ties in any relationship b4 I was broken down completely and the other person left me... knowing both lives well...isolation and loneliness vs. desperate dependency in relationships that I know are hurting me.... my wish for you is to try to not become me... maybe if I had been able to find a way to cope with loneliness when I was ur age...I would be less broken...each time I allowed someone to beat me down, more pieces crumbled off..... Oh, Scar! You are such a wonderful kind loving person! Please, save all your love for someone who deserves it. Someone who reflects your values and loves you for all of your pieces...even the tiny little crumbs
In the meantime....I know it's not the same, but you are not truly alone...you always have us
(DD forum misses you...please stop by and say hi some time)

[scar12346]

Update:
Firstly thank you all for the support, and the advises. *Hug*
I did realise that I was a bit, if not a lot paranoid. I talked things out with her. Actually when she would "ignore me" she would be doing normal things like eating, drinking, using the bathroom or just relaxing.
I realised that when would say "only you can help yourself" is practically true. I started training more, drawing and using my guitar more. By that sentence she kind of told me that for psychical health you need to have physical as well. By me focusing more on gaining weight and being more healthy, more strong and focusing on my art and guitar I think less of everything else.
She doesn't mention the guy as much. Even if she does she would say "Oh, I truly am sorry" so that has been good as well.
She loves being social and having a lot of friends, she is just friends with the whole city, which I am an introvert, I am not used to it, but she is and I am willing to try.
She finally admitted that happiness is real and that she is closer to it when she is with me, which makes me happy.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Glad to hear that you have found some independent activities to help focus your thoughts in a more positive direction It is easy as an introvert to get stuck in the trap of becoming overly dependent on another to feel value....I'm do happy you have been able to find some balance while maintaining ur relationship That is HUGE!! Hope everything keeps getting better!