[fairydustgirl]

I need to just stay away from men altogether. But I LIKE men...I like being with them and all the physical and loving parts of being with men.
The emotional part? That's where the trouble lies. I feel so stupid for having written that guy. It would have been fine if he had stuck with his first reply which was thanks and things are good, hope you are too.
No, he has to send another message the next day saying he misses me but couldn't give me what I wanted. So now I feel sad and confused. And weepy. I am SO tired of these tears, and it's been ongoing for a few days, not withstanding the argument I had the other day with a girl and that made me cry too! I don't even like her, it's just, when I lose my temper and get very angry...I end up crying because of the emotional overload that anger causes me. But that's sort of beside the point here. I do not do well with breakups. I know this. Even with divorcing my ex H, I stood there and cried while we hugged, it was the hardest thing to do but it was the right thing to do. We aren't even mad at each other anymore, I even went to a movie with him the other day. Just friends. It's all we'd been for years anyway. And yet. Here I sit,
crying, over a guy I didn't even see very many times. But who texted me every morning for four months. I wanted it to work out with him. and it makes no sense whatsoever to me for him to miss me, and me to miss him...and be apart????
what the heck is that all about? why would someone act like that?

I just feel so stupid, knowing how badly I react to things, to even try to be with someone. I hate this. And I'm scared. because the last time I went through a breakup I became suicidal, not immediately...it was about a month later. And I ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. So here this is, a month later and I am worse than I was before. I thought I was doing all right. but I"m not. at least not today.

oh well...this too will pass. Does anyone know...or think...that having bipolar 1 makes these things harder for us than the average bear? or is it just me and I am too emotionally sensitive.
I don't even know what to think. Or feel. ugh.

[SvanThor]

Originally Posted by fairydustgirl

I need to just stay away from men altogether. But I LIKE men...I like being with them and all the physical and loving parts of being with men.
The emotional part? That's where the trouble lies. I feel so stupid for having written that guy. It would have been fine if he had stuck with his first reply which was thanks and things are good, hope you are too.
No, he has to send another message the next day saying he misses me but couldn't give me what I wanted. So now I feel sad and confused. And weepy. I am SO tired of these tears, and it's been ongoing for a few days, not withstanding the argument I had the other day with a girl and that made me cry too! I don't even like her, it's just, when I lose my temper and get very angry...I end up crying because of the emotional overload that anger causes me. But that's sort of beside the point here. I do not do well with breakups. I know this. Even with divorcing my ex H, I stood there and cried while we hugged, it was the hardest thing to do but it was the right thing to do. We aren't even mad at each other anymore, I even went to a movie with him the other day. Just friends. It's all we'd been for years anyway. And yet. Here I sit,
crying, over a guy I didn't even see very many times. But who texted me every morning for four months. I wanted it to work out with him. and it makes no sense whatsoever to me for him to miss me, and me to miss him...and be apart????
what the heck is that all about? why would someone act like that?

I just feel so stupid, knowing how badly I react to things, to even try to be with someone. I hate this. And I'm scared. because the last time I went through a breakup I became suicidal, not immediately...it was about a month later. And I ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. So here this is, a month later and I am worse than I was before. I thought I was doing all right. but I"m not. at least not today.

oh well...this too will pass. Does anyone know...or think...that having bipolar 1 makes these things harder for us than the average bear? or is it just me and I am too emotionally sensitive.
I don't even know what to think. Or feel. ugh.

Well, I don't have BP 1 but I know how breakups make ME feel, and I know that it's similar, but instead of tears, it's uncontrollable anger... I want you to know you're not alone, and that not all guys or people out there are crappy and mean spirited. I'm sorry that you've been so upset, just remember you have a huge support group on here and everything, if you ever need someone to confide in, I am here almost every day.

Svan

[NewCommer]

As Svan said, you're not alone.
Never been in a relationship, but i know what loneliness is like, so let me tell you. Even if it might appear as it is, you're not alone, good thing you came around.
As for this guy, still acording to Svan, there are better people and you deserve better.
I'm around most of the time so, as Svan, you got all our support. Be safe

[LeeeLeee]

Break ups are the worst for me too and at age 45 I'm going through the worst feeling breakup I've ever had. And yes, even if breaking up is the right thing to do, it still hurts so bad because our minds search for reasons it should not be happening.

Of course we never want to go through this again but it's unrealistic to believe we won't. It's not a promise we can make ourselves. Nor can we realistically promise ourselves not to love again.

Last night while crying over my break up I landed on a page on Psych Central all about Complicated Grief Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck | Bonding Time and it all rang true to me. It started with this quiz.
Grief Quiz - Psych Central

Right now I'm working through a book called "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliott. She has this amazing Relationship Inventory that is absolutely healing and puts you on a path to really understanding your pattern and history in your relationships! Get the book and watch her videos. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwj...e0OPdw__-hDe0g

I didn't make any progress until I found Susan Elliott on youtube, stopped all contact with the ex, including stalking him on facebook, and started writing a journal to work through the feelings.

MY BEST ADVICE FOR RIGHT THIS MINUTE RELIEF: Start a journal and get your feelings out every day. Keep it in your computer and just write write write. You will likely cry through it but once the writing stops, you might feel incredible relief as I did.

Best of luck. You can do this hon!

Big Hugs, LeeeLeee

[Yours_Truly]

[fairydustgirl]

Today has been a good day and the first one in a few that I am feeling ok and not obsessing like I was..or whatever you want to call it. He's gone and I knew that already...sort of got my hopes up a little that he might come back...but honestly, it would be best if he didn't. I'm off the roller coaster and I'm not getting back in line for another ride. Let's hope I can keep this up. I have other things to focus my attention on that are more important than some guy I didn't see often and would rarely call, only text with me.
He's not worth the mental/emotional energy I have given him. Cause he certainly didn't give me any. I"ll be ok, I have been through worse things than this

I wanted to mention, I journal a lot and that has been one thing that has helped me gain perspective, to read what I have written over time. I actually had cut him off back in April for a week because I just wasn't comfortable with how things seemed to be going...however, I found myself missing him so we made up and continued the 'relationship'. I should have left it alone the first time.

[fairydustgirl]

what the heck is wrong with me????? I was doing all right, was pushing those thoughts of the guy away and moving forward...so he sends me an email last night in answer to the message I sent a week ago. we emailed back and forth a bit and finally I said why don't we just text for a while and see how you feel then. I get banner notifications on my computer and my anxiety started to soar the moment the banner popped up and said he had sent me a message. It was through the roof last night when I went to bed because I felt like, is he going to text, is he not...answer to that is, he has not. I refuse to send him any messages til he writes me first. what is making me so upset...each time I managed to calm down and start moving away from all of this, he shows up! and stupid me, I want him back. I can't even tell anyone why either. I am being seriously stupid and riding the roller coaster all by myself in the front seat. I know I have always liked him more than he liked me. I just kept hoping he would feel more for me over time if I was patient. So even though I thought I was being patient, he felt like I was pressuring him for more time that he didn't have available to give me. I seriously want to ask him, if you didn't have time to date someone and spend time with them, why the heck are you on a dating website????

I see my therapist tomorrow, I honestly don't even know how to explain this to her. I"m sure she will tell me to ditch him. I almost did send him a message earlier to day to say never mind, lets just go our own ways. I don't WANT to go my own way. I want him.
(shaking my head...) I am so disappointed in myself to let another person trigger all this. I've been so stable for 2 years and now I am back on the ride.
I know I have probably frustrated you guys too. hearts just are not rational organs. thanks for letting me rant.

[divine1966]

Oh no you didn't frustrate us at all. I most certainly can relate to such behaviors as I did it too. I am sorry. Do you have enough distractions to keep busy to avoid this guy? I hope your t can help you. I am sending you hugs.

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[LeeeLeee]

Originally Posted by fairydustgirl

what the heck is wrong with me????? I was doing all right, was pushing those thoughts of the guy away and moving forward...so he sends me an email last night in answer to the message I sent a week ago. we emailed back and forth a bit and finally I said why don't we just text for a while and see how you feel then. I get banner notifications on my computer and my anxiety started to soar the moment the banner popped up and said he had sent me a message. It was through the roof last night when I went to bed because I felt like, is he going to text, is he not...answer to that is, he has not. I refuse to send him any messages til he writes me first. what is making me so upset...each time I managed to calm down and start moving away from all of this, he shows up! and stupid me, I want him back. I can't even tell anyone why either. I am being seriously stupid and riding the roller coaster all by myself in the front seat. I know I have always liked him more than he liked me. I just kept hoping he would feel more for me over time if I was patient. So even though I thought I was being patient, he felt like I was pressuring him for more time that he didn't have available to give me. I seriously want to ask him, if you didn't have time to date someone and spend time with them, why the heck are you on a dating website????

I see my therapist tomorrow, I honestly don't even know how to explain this to her. I"m sure she will tell me to ditch him. I almost did send him a message earlier to day to say never mind, lets just go our own ways. I don't WANT to go my own way. I want him.
(shaking my head...) I am so disappointed in myself to let another person trigger all this. I've been so stable for 2 years and now I am back on the ride.
I know I have probably frustrated you guys too. hearts just are not rational organs. thanks for letting me rant.

It's a process and there is no perfect way to do it. We are here for you.

I would've asked him the website question.

It's very important that you clearly, within your own heart and mind, know what your needs are in order to communicate them most effectively. Stick with your therapist. No one is judging you. Keep coming back.



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