[Lostinwonderland541]

Okay trying to get this off my mind and find some good advice.
My ex and i broke up about 2 years ago, one year later i met my current boyfriend. Two months into meeting him he proposed and i said yes. It was still new and excited.. Now and for the last 6 months things have settled in and i dont know any more.. I also need to add that he is my first boyfriend ever.. I have always been with women. I dont know if i really want to be with a guy .. This amoung other factors have led me to question this relationship.. More recently my ex wife has been asking me to come back.. I miss her so much and still love her so so much. We broke up because she cheated.. (Part of a manic bipolar episode).. Now i do think i want her back and feel like we are unresolved.
I dont want to hurt my fiance. But i dont know what to do or if this is just a depression or impulsive stage.. But it has been bothering me for months..

[Crazy Hitch]

It's 6 months ... you're not married, and you don't know. Fair enough. Marriage is made to last a lifetime not a few months so you'd need time before you make absolutely any decision. You're still figuring out who you are, and you don't need to know right now this very moment if being with guys is right for you. I think what's more important is the fact that there seem to be so many question marks hanging over your current relationship. And I don't know how truly past your previous relationship you are, I can't say.

Just don't rush into anything, is more my point. Especially not walking down the aisle anytime soon.

[Bill3]

If it has been bothering you for months then it is not a stage, it needs to be addressed. Do you see a therapist to help you think things through?

You don't want to hurt your fiance but he is definitely going to be hurt if you marry him when you have someone else on your heart and you are questioning whether you even want to be with men to begin with.

From what you say, it sounds to me like your heart is telling you to apply rhe brakes and spend some time figuring out what, and who, you truly want.

Honesty is always best for both parties...even if it hurts.

I'm not giving you advice but, to me, your post reads you don't want to commit to him. If that is true, being honest with him and breaking it off now is kinder than marrying when you know it's not what you want.

Counseling is an option but I think you know what you want. Good luck.

[Lostinwonderland541]

Yeah the wedding date is set for a year away but i keep trying to push it off .. To stall for time .. I do love him and care about him but i dont know if im in love or if the love i feel is enough.. He is a sweet heart and always means well but gives me no personal space and is clingy.. I have spent the last 6 months trying to bring this up in a constructive criticism way but it doesnt help at all. I do however know he is the type of man who will never hurt me and who will always be by my side .. Hell or high water. I just think we rushed things to much in the beginning..

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Lostinwonderland541

Okay trying to get this off my mind and find some good advice.
My ex and i broke up about 2 years ago, one year later i met my current boyfriend. Two months into meeting him he proposed and i said yes. It was still new and excited.. Now and for the last 6 months things have settled in and i dont know any more.. I also need to add that he is my first boyfriend ever.. I have always been with women. I dont know if i really want to be with a guy .. This amoung other factors have led me to question this relationship.. More recently my ex wife has been asking me to come back.. I miss her so much and still love her so so much. We broke up because she cheated.. (Part of a manic bipolar episode).. Now i do think i want her back and feel like we are unresolved.
I dont want to hurt my fiance. But i dont know what to do or if this is just a depression or impulsive stage.. But it has been bothering me for months..

In this situation I'm going to give you the answer that I think is going to be one you don't like but nevertheless I think would be best.

first off I don't think that you should continue with the fiancé you have now. You obviously are not all in anymore and are thinking about someone else, regardless of past relationship or not you are divided in your mind and heart. IT is not fair to be with anyone if you're not completely in it anymore. Dont' dawdle on this, but do what's best for the both of you and the most fair to him and let him go.

Mind you I do not mean that you should go back to your ex either. I don't think you're in a place to do so yet. I think if you are not completely sure, which seems to be what you imply here, then it's best for you to break off what you have now and work on you, take some time to consider, find out for sure if your ex is done with the cheating and can be trusted and if you can forgive and move on, etc.

Wait until you're ready to make a completely committed decision on anything whether it is to continue to seek out a new mate, or to be with your ex.

[Lostinwonderland541]

That is good advice. It is what i want to do. My only dilema is that he really needs me to be in his court right now .. Literally ... He is going to court over custody of his daughter and i made a committment to be there with him and help him.. If he loses custody of his daughter he will be devastated but if he loses us both i dont even want to think about how he would be. He has his family but they arent very supportive. They love him but support is lacking. I do love him, and dont want to see him hurt. I know stringing this along isnt good but ending it this moment doesnt seem like the right thing to do.. Im not really talking to my ex right now because even though im confused i dont want to be a cheater. Im trying to make this decision not based on the ex at all. It is all about me and my fiance. I feel like the things between us are enough complications without adding a third party.

(Please don't excuse cheating....)

I agree with the others about your fiancee. Loving someone is much more than not wanting to hurt them, don't you think?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Lostinwonderland541

That is good advice. It is what i want to do. My only dilema is that he really needs me to be in his court right now .. Literally ... He is going to court over custody of his daughter and i made a committment to be there with him and help him.. If he loses custody of his daughter he will be devastated but if he loses us both i dont even want to think about how he would be. He has his family but they arent very supportive. They love him but support is lacking. I do love him, and dont want to see him hurt. I know stringing this along isnt good but ending it this moment doesnt seem like the right thing to do.. Im not really talking to my ex right now because even though im confused i dont want to be a cheater. Im trying to make this decision not based on the ex at all. It is all about me and my fiance. I feel like the things between us are enough complications without adding a third party.

But you can be in denial about what this is about or you can face the fact that even in your first post you said

More recently my ex wife has been asking me to come back.. I miss her so much and still love her so so much. We broke up because she cheated.. (Part of a manic bipolar episode).. Now i do think i want her back and feel like we are unresolved.

Right there, that part of your post speaks volumes to the fact that she is a major part if not the biggest reason you're considering a break up. when you said you still love her so so much, that should say to you that you are not committed in this relationship with your fiancé. When you describe him I see no real love or commitment other than you care about how he feels, which is compassion but in contrast to how you describe your ex it's undeniable. Even if you don't end up with either I don't think you should be feigning commitment to him at all right now and pretending that all is well.