Why women are attracted to creeps...

Unfortunately, there are differences between the sexes and people have been talking about it since we climbed down off the trees and onto the plains. Sure, nobody is perfectly sorted out but there are people out there who are plain toxic. I mean, even Hitler had a girlfriend!

In all honesty, haven't read everyone's responses yet. Am simply responding to the title...

I think it's because women settle, and would rather have A man, ANY man, than NO man.

Okie

Hi Friends,

If "my creep" doesn't straighten up and fly right, as in get a job, he may be history.

EJ

Sometimes women who are attracted to this kind of guy are love addicts. http://brightertomorrow.net/index.html

maybe it is a rescuing thing. guys who behave as arrogant assholes DO tend to have been wounded. there is this notion that if only we love them enough then we can cure them. a lot of females spend their early childhoods reading the cues of other people and sacrificing their own needs and preferences and emotions for the needs and preferences and emotions of others. maybe the idea is that... 'only i understand him' and... 'only i can cure him' and... 'if i love him enough then he will be healthy and love me forever and ever and ever' and ta da there is a happy ending.

only... it doesn't tend to work out that way. maybe because... the people who are drawn to these wounded people tend to be the people who are wounded themselves and the pathology is enacted over and over and over again...

no limits...
no love...

Alexandra said, " a lot of females spend their early childhoods reading the cues of other people and sacrificing their own needs and preferences and emotions for the needs and preferences and emotions of others." That really describes my upbringing, and I have long recognized this. Thanks for the clarity in your thoughts and message.
Patty

I agree with what fayerody said; "I believe that women with issues are attracted to men with issues. Period. "

This is odd coming from me.. Not blaming "childhood".. But thinking how we are raised and our family environment somehow directs our future. I think those of us who were "misplaced" in the family may be destined to repeat their childhood environment in adulthood. They "subconsciously" gravitate to that which is familiar. Either being a "healthy" background or a not so healthy background.

I think those who have been "abused or neglected”, will gravitate to being abused or neglected in relationships. It is what we know. And what we "dream" as being healthy is merely a dream. I say that because nobody wants to be in an abusive relationship or married to a "creep". We are driven to have a better "family life" than we had as children and yet we end up in similar if not the same type of environment we were raised in as children.

I believe that when a child and when one does not connect to a loving, healthy, guiding, structured adult, we tend to repeat all that we know from our "unhealthy" family of origin. The key, I think, is those who were fortunate to have connected with healthy, structured and loving role models; it then seems their relationships when an adult “ tend” to be healthier. Those of us who did not connect with “healthy role models” do not “know” what actually is healthy. That what we are “not” familiar with, we then tend to feel uncomfortable with and/ or “not as good as”. Yet we want what they have, we just don’t seem to know how to get it.

I think the “creeps” the women gravitate to have the same make-up as whoever was the “creep” in their family of origin. And the “creeps” the men gravitate to will also find a “creep” which is similar in their family of origin.

Of course, this is only my “opinion”. Looking back and observing my past, I can see the similarities when growing up. The position I held in the family. The position or role I played in relationships. Sad to say, both being overlooked, controlled, never validated and abused. And “I think” the healthier relationships I was in, I always felt uncomfortable or not as good as or even dirty.

Bottom line. I think I married both my mother and father. Mother being controlling and abusive. Father was passive, yet it is said he had been abusive to my mother. I even think I have my brothers and sister sprinkled in my x husband. I married the whole “damn family” loll… And the outcome was the same as growing up, feeling lost, abused and overlooked, ashamed and misplaced, timid and scared.

Again. this is just my opinion. Thoughts to ponder on, maybe?

Dee

Radio Flyer said, "Mother being controlling and abusive. Father was passive, yet it is said he had been abusive to my mother. "
And you have just described my parents exactly!
Patty

Radio, I think you're perfectly correct. We tend to gravitate towards what we learned as kids, what we think is "normal" and familiar.

The first time I married my "grandmother"; a controlling, abusing freak. The second time, I married my dad; passive agressive and emotionally unavailable. It was time to give up trying for me.

Radio, you are spot on.

I also agree with the poster who said (paraphrasing here) that sometimes we just go with the ones who are good in bed - and the ones who are good in bed don't settle down, more's the pity.

I read somewhere that we almost always pair up with someone who is in the same state of emotional maturity as we are. i had a hard time with this, thinking that I was far more emotionally mature than my spouse. But it really is true, in my case. So you marry a creep because you are equally immature - but in a different way, perhaps.

That one's hard to swallow - I'd rather blame the man.