[InACorner]

I want to send a letter to my mother but now im not exactly sure if i should....my bf says the letter sounds cold (which since my mom and i practally hate each other you cant really blame the ..strangerness of it all) And he said be careful in sending it because if i burn bridges i will regret it...but the fact is...its like the bridge is already burnt...since we havent talked in like 4 months...however my goal in this letter is to tell her i dont want to talk to her but i dont want things to be on a I hate you level...i just want a stranger cordialness about it...so i am able to contact my sister...so i am going to put the letter down here and if any could give me comments...yes the grammer is probably terrible...but thats not exactly the most important thing in writing this letter...any comments appreciated...

Dear Mom,

Currently our situtation between the both of us is unstable. I, myself, would like to see something different. I understand you have your arguments and your different points of view as you should since you are an individual as; likewise, you should accept the fact that I have my arguments and my points of view. I think we can both agree to disagree and understand that we have both been put under enormous amounts of pain and we have both survived the best we know how. That is the key element in this, we survived the best we know how. I respect you as a individual for surviving what you have, unfortunately we can both agree that in order for your ability to survive, other areas went lacking. Now that I am an adult I can understand this and my only request is that you give me that same respect. I have survived the best way I know how. That may mean other areas have went lacking, however we are human and this is what humans do. I believe th ough that too much damage has been done to us seperately as well as together that we cannot have the relationship that I am sure both of us in the past have strived for. I again am accepting this, as I hope you will as well. I will never deny you the title of my mother. I am writing this email in hopes that even though the relationship will never exactly be carried out or cozy it will not be like now. I am trying to learn of forgiveness, and I am still working on that and maybe, someday, I will become the better person and truly forgive but for now this is my first step. I think it would be better for the both of us if we stopped communication but are on easy, respectable terms if the moment should arise to talk. I would like to continue a relationship with Sophia because she is my sister and I do love her dearly. The innocent always have to pay. That is one lesson you and I have both learned very well. And I would rather she not have to learn that lesson. This is another mistake I am trying to correct before it is too late. As for StepDad, I think the same term should should be applied. I wish you all a very happy life of your own with much success and peace. May your faith be stronger, and your lessons learned as I have learned my own. God Bless and Good luck.

Inny (just changed the name to my sn here)

[InACorner]

by the way...my mother abandoned me and hated me and abused me...this letter ...even though i dont want to call her mom....is to at least try to start forgiving....and im trying to be the better person in all of this to at least establish ...peace on the sake of my 8 yr old sister.

[sabby]

inny, I think you expressed yourself quite well. The only thing I want you to think about before sending it is this - are you prepared for whatever outcome will happen when she receives the email? Are you prepared that she may not want any contact whatsoever? Are you prepared to receive an angry email or phone call in return? Just look at all possibilities and come to terms with what may come of it. I don't want you to be taken by surprise by her reaction if it should be a negative one. Of course, she may not take it negatively....which would be ideal!

Good luck with everything and I hope you can keep your relationship going with your sister!

xoxox
sabby

[InACorner]

thanks for the reply sabau...(((sabau)))

well to be honest...i dont want any contact from her whatsoever....i just dont want any hard feelings...if thats possible.....and to be honest again i dont think im sure how i will react to her reaction...ive never been good with her reactions ...shes never been good to me and i never know what to expect...with her its a shot in the wind....

[sabby]

I know that the best scenario would be to be able to call a truce and not have bad feelings between the two of you. Of course, in real life, that is not always possible. I know you say you don't want to have contact with her, but that is kind of impossible if you want to have contact with your sister don't you think?

I'm just asking you to be prepared for just about any kind of reaction from her and prepare yourself for how you will feel about the reaction...and what your next step will be.

Hugssssss
sabby

[InACorner]

so offense to sabau cuz i love her to death but no body else wants to post a response??? Is that it?? Why wont anyone else reply....

[sabby]

No offense taken sweety

Love & Hugs!
sabby

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Inny -- I did not reply because the situation is so complicated, I feel overwhelmed. I do not feel qualified to put in my $.02. I think you should develop a relationship with a therapist and talk this over with her, read her the letter, and really work on finding a strategy that is right for you.

Our relationships with our parents are very complicated and deep, and I do not believe that a 125-word response from Dear Amy or Abby or Wants is appropriate.

I apologize for not responding sooner and letting you know that I read and cared. I just felt so dang unequal to creating a response. I know what it feels like when people here ignore a request, and I'm sorry that I contributed to your feeling that way.

Take care, Inny, and keep us posted.

[demolitionlover]

So do i. My mum left me and my brother and sister when we were young.
She now has two children (one was only born a few weeeks ago) with another man whom is only ten years older than me.
I feel rejected and neglected and we are not speaking at all anymore.

I've tried very hard to forgive and call her and just try and talk normally...but she's so selfish and it's all about her new family. I feel like i don't belong there at all.

Let me know how you get on with the letter... thats one of the things i considered...but i don't know if it will do any good...

meh.