I am unlovable... but does one HAVE to be lovable?

I am not angry at my job. I can keep professipnalism there.

I let myself be angry at demos and gatherings from time to time..
If I feel somebody deserves that. Or drivers me crazy enough. I dont feel oblidged to be nice to people who tell me i deserved to be shot or that i am a fascist.

And i do my cynicism outside of my job too. Mostly. Employers like me cause i work hard.

People tell you you deserve to be shot and you are a fascist? What???

I'll PM you.

People are monsters V, you've been exposed to some of the worst of them.


Don't let them taint your beautiful soul.

Hi there! You show great self-awareness Venusss. But clearly, the reactions from people to your personality is hurtful. It hurts you when people say you are unlikeable and distance themselves from you and talk about you behind your back. It's only natural, because we humans are social beings and we don't like being distanced, treated with coldness and made to feel alone. Sometimes we feel lonely even if we do have friends and significant others.

You say you are actively trying to change bad parts of your character but you also wonder if you even have to do that when people should accept you for who you are. Maybe you can weigh the consequences of 'changing' against 'not changing'. Which will have better consequences in the long-run?

Sorry if I sound presumptuous. It's just that I can understand a little of what it means to feel 'unlikeable'. Like you I decided that I really had to work on some aspects of my personality if I wanted to be happier and have healthier relationships with people. It's hard to change aspects of our self but you'll feel good about becoming a better person. There are bound to be people who look at you in disbelief and look at you weirdly for changing your values and behaviors, but if you are determined nothing will matter!

Reading a little into what your words are and how you worded them here.

First someone mentioned that you sound like you're fine with yourself but the truth is in this short description of yourself you've so far said you're fanatical, snarky, and cynical. you've separated yourself from this apparent ideal of normal people. In your framing of every specific detail about how you are, it seems to me, it's all in a very negative light. You are very critical of yourself and so I I disagree with anyone that states you seem fine with yourself. No, I would imagine you seem to be very well aware of what you perceive as negative traits affecting relationships but have the mindset that if it's something that so called "society" or social norms calls for you won't have it. For whatever reasons. I read this as if you see these negatives but are willingly refusing to look at them in any positive light or how you can use your traits to make them work. here's the thing. All of those things you describe have two sides to them, every aspect of personality can have a negative or positive connotation to them. I feel you just need to frame your personality differently and you can utilize this to find your place in groups, relationships and everything.

You say you are "unlovable" first as a thing that exists, which it does not and secondly as if it is a state of being that is to be achieved. It is not. Lovable is a word that can only be described by the person who cares for another. it is not something that anyone can generalize about any single person. What one man or women loves may be hated by another. it's a very subjective thing. If someone calls you unlovable, chalk them up as one of the people in a giant world that happens to find this true about you. They, nor no one person can say this about any other single person for everyone in the world. Find someone, some people that you can have common ground, equality and enjoy. They are out there.

Also, back to your negativitiy about yourself. Fact of the matter is, I won't use the cliché "love yourself first" because, well although it's kind of true, it's not a good description of what it means. If you see yourself in the bad, dark and negative light that you describe here, honestly how do you think anyone else is ever going to see the good, light within your personality that makes you one they want to be around? I am not one to push positivity as a fix all, but there is a certain amount of positivity and confidence we need to have about ourselves in order to attract others.

Don't try to be what you think the world wants you to be. Be yourself and find your own way, your own clique, your own group of friends and you will be much happier. Toss away the notion that there is some ideal set of personality traits that spell out "lovable" We all are to some, and not to others, so don't mold to the things you are resistant to being and find ways to enhance your own personal traits and style.

That is the thing. Some of my cynicism is defense from the **** I deal with.

You are right. I do need to keep my idealism.


You are right. I do know I am good person who does good thing. It should really not matter I curse while doing it and toss inappropriate jokes. Those who been there, those that know... they get it. Those from outside... well, that is another story, but... I will never explain or prove myself to them.

I do think I love myself... but I sometimes scare myself too.

I am not going to change my values, I just need to sorta... deal with traits that might be result of traumas, I think. That might damage me in the long run, I am afraid.