Husband wants to sleep with other women

Hello, I'm new here.

I'm having a major issue in my marriage right now, as the title infers. My husband and I have been married 12 years and have 2 children. Over the weekend, my husband told me these things:

1) He doesn't want to be in a relationship

2) He believes I deserve better and should be on the lookout for a new guy who would treat me the way I deserve.

3) He wants to have sex with other women, not relationships, just sex. But also, not just sex. As in, he doesn't want to meet a girl at the bar and have a quickie then go home. He wants to take her to a place where they can have an entire evening of sex and "hanging out." After that he wants to just leave the woman behind, not be involved with her further.

He doesn't have a specific woman in mind, he just wants to find women who want to engage in this type of sex and then go their separate ways, no strings attached.

I'm not okay with this. I think he's delusional to even think it's possible. I told him that not only does it hurt badly that he wants to have sex with other women to begin with, but the way he wants to do it just makes it 100x worse.

My questions are:

1) Is that really how a one night stand works? I always thought it was one time and done.

2) That's intimacy, not sex, right? Even though he can just walk away from someone like that after really getting to know them and spending a whole evening together, I don't know how many women are just okay with never seeing a guy again.

On top of this, over the weekend I was crying a lot. He spent a lot of time with me and we talked it over a lot. But now, when I came home from work and it all came back and I started crying again, he acted annoyed. He told me to stop thinking about it. But I can't! I told him I'm scared and he told me to stop.

I think he's annoyed because I told him I don't want him to do it.

Now, I know this will probably end in divorce one way or another.... either because he goes out and does this and I can't handle that or because he doesn't go and do it and grows to resent me.

It's a cake and eat it too situation for him. He wants his wife to just let him do whatever he wants but I can't. Emotionally and mentally I can't. Also, I know that if he's out doing this with other women, it could be addicting. The fun of a brand new partner however often, why pay attention to the old rag of a wife at home?

I guess the point is, if I know if what he wants is way off the charts for what's most likely, maybe I'll feel better enough to function.... at least until things get worse....

You are not wrong. He is to even ask you. You're right I don't see this coming to a good ending unless he straightens up and forget this nonsense. Stay strong, you don't deserve this.

Quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with that.

Not only would I be very hurt,I would be very pissed too if my husband told me that.

I am sorry,but I don't think it really matters whether you are okay with it or agree with it or not,it sounds like he wants to,and is going to, regardless of how you feel.He already told you what he wants.

Hugs

In other words, he wants to cheat/break the marriage vows with your "blessing."

I would wonder if he is already cheating on you. Deal breaker.

P.S. Would he be okay with it, if you told him you wanted to do the same thing?

So sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this.

It would certainly be a deal breaker for me.

cut him loose - it sounds like that's what he wants you to do anyway

Hes delusional if he thinks women are looking to just give it to him. Is he brad pitt?

#2 - He believes you deserve better?

That is not what he is saying at all...that is a cop out for him to do whatever the H*LL he wants by making you feel (manipulation) that he is not good enough for you...when in fact..he is just done with being with ONE woman and wants to move on and have his cake and eat it to.

You are silly if you put up with this..YOU DO deserve better..but coming from me is a lot different than him saying that.

12 years is a long time..but you crying all the time...feeling like you do and being put in this situation is not acceptable...please find the strength to kick his ***** out of your home (as an early Christmas present to you and your child).

Contact a lawyer and start the divorce. Find a Therapist , you will need support and guidance.

I am so sorry he feels it's ok to treat you this way.

Welcome to PC , loads of support here.

So what role does he expect you to play in the marriage?...Housekeeper?
Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds by letting you know that he wants your marriage 'dynamic' to change, to give him more autonomy...otherwise why not just ask for a divorce?

No, no, no, no, no. Either get into therapy together so he can remember what marriage is about, or start filing for divorce. This would not fly in my marriage. No way. No how.

I would contact a lawyer if I was you but don't tell him. Unfortunately, you have to consider that he may have already cheated and this is his way of trying to get your permission after-the-fact.

Soooo sorry. He's right about one thing; you do deserve better.

basically numbers one and two are the same as saying he wants a divorce without saying the D word, I didn't use the D word with my ex, I told him I didn't want to be married anymore. (we tried marriage counseling 5 times in 8 years)

and I agree, he probably is already cheating.

I can see that as this is sort of the situation my parents were in. they never got divorced, the one time they came close my dad realized he couldn't afford to live separately (my mom was a stay at home mom, they married in the early 1960s, he would have been paying dearly in alimony). my mom didn't exactly allow it but my dad cheated continuously for at least 40 years and didn't bother to hide it from her.

I'm really sorry you are in this situation, I agree you need to get yourself to a lawyer..he may already have done so.

oh and him being annoyed? he thinks he's already comforted you the first time and now he thinks he's being guilted by your tears, as if you should be over it and facing facts.

it sucks, it's not fair but this is not someone who has your best interests at heart, please try to pull yourself together and take care of yourself and your child.

How old is your husband?