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#1
Dec 15, 2016, 05:54 PM
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Alright I keep coming across guys, who "want to be friends" and not date right now. Why NOT RIGHT NOW? Well I think they are making excuses but maybe they are real facts... But anyway, most of the guys, who I found ON DATING WEBSITES AND APPS, claim that they do not want to date right now, and are looking for friends only because.....
They have been hurt before They have been cheated on They have been screwed over really badly and are afraid it will happen again even though it has been a number amount of years since the break up ended. There ex is a stalker and caused their life a living hell. They gave up dating and can't bring themselves to date again Blah blah blah. I say they are all excuses. So what do you think? How can you convince a man to date you, and not want to be friends first? To me I have been friends with a guy or two who wanted to be friends first and then try dating and it NEVER lead to dating. So what now. |
 ~Christina
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#2
Dec 15, 2016, 07:01 PM
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Maybe you need to take break from dating sites and apps. you can't make someone date you. If someone says they want to be friends you have to take them at their word. You can't force it.
__________________
 Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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#3
Dec 15, 2016, 07:28 PM
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But being friends doesn't lead to dating. Its like if I know I like this person and I want to date them, I want to date them. I don't want to loose my chance and they get away. I don't want to go and find someone else and then that person is the one, when I wanted the guy that wanted to be friends.
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#4
Dec 15, 2016, 08:29 PM
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You can't force anyone to date you. No offense but that's ridiculous.
Obviously online dating isn't the way to go. Find a job, join some groups meetup groups, just live your life and not focusing on dating all the time.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#5
Dec 15, 2016, 09:20 PM
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They do want to date. They just aren't interested and since you pursue them in rather intense fashion they don't want to say no in a rude manner. So they say they want to be friends. That's indirect way of telling you they aren't interested.
At 29 you need to get your life together. Get a job or/and go to school. That should be step one in the right direction. I don't know how your parents are allowing this. My daughter is same age as you and wouldn't be allowed not to work and live totally off me while spending her days on dating sites pursuing all kind of guys. That's just isn't right Last edited by divine1966; Dec 15, 2016 at 11:08 PM. Reason: Autocorrect makes no sense |
| Molinit, scorpiosis37, seesaw, xRavenx
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#6
Dec 15, 2016, 11:35 PM
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I agree with divine. They are on a dating site because they want to date. Unfortunately, they just aren't interested in dating you. Stop trying to force a relationship on men who have made it extremely clear they aren't interested.
I also agree that you might be happier if you devoted your time to school/work or hobbies or volunteer work-- something other than just looking for men online. If you had something going for yourself like that it might also make you a more attractive match to potential partners. Most people want a partner who can support themselves because it puts a lot of pressure on the other person when you don't work and don't drive, especially if you're not seriously disabled. If you had more things to occupy your time, you probably wouldn't come across as so desperate, which may be turning them off. |
| Molinit
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#7
Dec 15, 2016, 11:49 PM
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No one of the guys I have been talking does want to date but he choices not to date because he thinks the same thing's that happened in the past, will happen again. I keep telling him I am not like those previous women and I am different but he won't believe me I guess. I know what I want when I see it and I will get it.
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#8
Dec 16, 2016, 12:01 AM
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I have plenty of stuff to occupy my time, and various things I can go out and do, but need someone to take me or go with me, if I go by myself my family and friends just tell me not to go and just stay home because why go alone? Besides that most guys I have met at group meet-ups don't drive and don't want to date they rather just drink, smoke, have sex etc.
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#9
Dec 16, 2016, 12:38 AM
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Quote:
I am not aware of the other parts of this, but I will say that as a female, if a guy approached me who lived with his parents and did not have a job, then I would not date him. Those are just deal breakers for me. My brother used to say his top 5 rules were: 1)Must not live at home 2) Must have a job 3) Must have a car 4) Must not be a criminal 5) must have never been a man. Obviously we all have our standards and preferences, but the not live at home and have a job thing are two pretty typical requirements that people seek in a partner. I do not think you are going to have success in dating and romance until you deal with your personal issues. Good luck, seesaw
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#10
Dec 16, 2016, 01:55 AM
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I think like some of the others have said, they may be just scared of you. I personally think this is the time for you to figure yourself out. Some of the other comments may have seemed harsh, but sometimes you just need a reality check.
Good luck.
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
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#11
Dec 16, 2016, 07:06 AM
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I'd say not driving might not be as s big of deal as not working. Some people can't drive for health reasons (like seizures etc) My daughter doesn't drive but she is very successful. She moved to the city with excellent public transportation. I could also understand living with family as many cultures do it just following traditions or some people prefer living with family rather than roommates and some are helping elderly parents. But not working...there is just no excuse imho unless in school or in disability (even then many still work).
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#12
Dec 16, 2016, 07:58 AM
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If the men are telling you they just want to be friends not date don't chase them harder. They are probably not playing hard-to-get. They are not interested in dating you. This happens. I meet lots of people I am not interested in dating.
Allowing a man to be friends with you first and seeing where things go is not always a bad way to get a romance. Some men won't want to take things farther, but at least you will have a friend. Clearly on-line dating is not working for you. Try different ways of meeting potential dating partners. I hope something works out for you. |
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#13
Dec 16, 2016, 11:29 PM
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What do you mean figure myself out. I know myself, I know what I want, I am not changing my ways of living to please people online.
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#14
Dec 16, 2016, 11:32 PM
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No actually this man was against dating and has turned down A LOT of women, because of his past experiences with women, he doesn't have sex with these women so the women get turned off and walk away. To him he finds sex gross, because he was tramauized as a kid, walking in on a couple and saw them having sex, and it sacred him for life so he dislikes sex. He has done other things but sexual intercourse is never happening, not even after getting married or being in love with his partner, he is never having sex. He isn't even a fan of oral sex. Thats what he told me and why he turned me down and many other women. But in the end we weren't going to work out and we cut ties.
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#15
Dec 17, 2016, 09:18 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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#16
Dec 17, 2016, 09:30 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#17
Dec 17, 2016, 10:38 AM
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You contradict yourself. if things are working out for you then why are you posting that things aren't working out for you? Do you not see the contradiction?
Ok let's say this guy is completely against dating (yet he is on a dating site but ok), then why are you asking on here how to force him to date you? And why are you trying to convince him to take you on a date constantly contacting him demanding dates? If you are aware he isn't into dating then why are you pursuing him? You in fact started the entire thread on how to make men to start dating you. It seemed to be your topic of each thread how to get men to date you. Yet at the same time you are aware that they don't want to date (like this particular guy)? Isn't a bit of a harassment? Trying to get people do things they do not want to? And how do you know what he tells you is true? Most interactions you have with these men are online. Who knows what they are up to irl. How many times and how much time total you spent with this man? So because this guy you barely know tells you all kind of stories and you believe them all. I don't know how you can possibly say your life is all figured out. What's the evidence of that? |
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#18
Dec 17, 2016, 11:03 AM
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Quote:
Or just do fun things by yourself, who cares what your family says. |
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#20
Dec 17, 2016, 11:29 AM
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So you need a man so he can take you places? That's not the right way to approach dating. It will never work. That shouldn't be a reason for dating.
And if you have friends why aren't you spending time with them? Also if you don't work and aren't on disability who pays for your outings? Do you want a man to pay every time? |
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#21
Dec 17, 2016, 12:24 PM
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Even your comment about not going to change to please people on a forum is so twisted, I can't even try to help you anymore. It's frustrating to see someone going down a wrong path and no one can stop them.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
| LadyShadow
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#22
Dec 17, 2016, 12:49 PM
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Quote:
The second one didn't make it because of mental health issues between the two of us. Friendship absolutely can blossom into the kind of love that transcends all life. In fact, I would rather, at this point in my life, make a good friend with someone rather than just find a date. And if a good friend of mine turns into something more, well, that's just ideal. Just saying. Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
 xRavenx
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#23
Dec 17, 2016, 12:51 PM
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Quote:
It's all about values too. Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| divine1966
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#24
Dec 17, 2016, 01:13 PM
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I don't think the issue is friendship versus dating. If these men wanted friendships they would still want to hang out, just not romantically. They don't want to hang out with you at all. They aren't offering friendship instead of romance, they aren't offering anything.
So they are either wrong men for you or you need to make changes in your own life. |
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#25
Dec 17, 2016, 02:07 PM
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SMH, you should maybe chat with Artchic a little bit. She's been going through the online dating saga for a while now and has overcome a lot of preconceived expectations and is really doing well in handling the whole process now.
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| ~Christina
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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