Why do guys keep doing this?

My mother groomed me to do it, and I realize it was to serve her narcissism. But that's for another post. I didn't make money to support myself. I lucked out finding a man who made enough to support a family. You bet I kiss his butt.

i don't believe in catering either, I believe in helping each other with whatever tasks. Give and take. Sometimes couple might decide that one person would stay home and take care of the house and the other will work etc it whatever works for a couple.

Not working and not helping out is just bizarre. It's pretty much mooching and taking advantage of other people

Art, are you still around?

I'm just wondering your thoughts on the feedback you've been given.

Hugs.

Yeah I get it. I had men that wanted to support me. Idk if it's bc I'm the youngest of eight or what but I just couldn't do it. My mom was a stay at home mom. I don't look down on it. But my father helped too. I mean she had 8 kids. He was an electrician. She did most household chores. But in the summer he would bbq and such. He helped with dinner sometimes. But yeah she did most of the household duties. It was part of that era as well. I'm 42, but my mom had me when she was 40.

I hear you. It is tough, i work 60-65 hours a week too, two jobs. My DH works hard but fewer hours. He does way more around the house because of that. But we live in a small place and we keep it clean (I am neat freak) so whatever needs to be done is typically just maintain it, like vacuum and dust etc we have a pretty good system of chores.

Honestly when I lived alone it was probably less work on the house. Less laundry less cooking etc

I agree that it is all about balance and dividing up responsibilities so both people are contributing. I currently work 80 hours a week and have no time to do things around the house; I live alone so I use a cleaning service and eat mostly pre-made food. I am dating but not currently in a committed relationship. I'm looking for someone who also works (but maybe less than 80 hours), and who is either open to doing things around the house or who will split the cost with me for cleaning services/pre-made meals. I personally would not be comfortable with a relationship where one person worked and one person stayed home; just not my thing. I'm more interested in a partnership where we both work and can both support ourselves-- but to each their own. I know there are things I can't offer (terrible cook) but I can support myself, I drive, I'm great at planning trips and surprises, I'm a great listener, etc. I look for someone who can offer me similar things; a partnership.

Art i forgot if you are seeing a therapist? Good one can really help
with setting goals both with achieving independence and dating.

I can't see one because A.) I can't drive (I'm disabled) and B.) everyone around me refuses to take me to one and C.) I have no access to public transportation and D.) cabs are too expensive.

What are you, way way out in the boonies? Your location says charlotte. Isnt that the research triangle? There should be all kinds of services available. See if they can come to you if necessary. No one should have to live like this. You have a contribution you can make to society.

What services can come to me? I've looked at EVERYTHING and none offer a regular driving service for me.

I know that there are services to help disabled people get to appointments.

Even in my ridiculously rural home there is free transportation for anyone disabled. Seriously there is less than 7000 people in my area.

Not in my area. I even looked at the Charlotte Mecklenburg Public Transit website for a service to come and take me places and nothing was helpful. The most I can find is this PDF.

https://www.cms.gov/Medicare-Medicai...mt-booklet.pdf

Basically it says I need to be accessed and have authorization to use the service. That means going to the Medicaid office to get authorization. No one will take me to get the authorization needed to use this service.

Also, I looked into Rural area transit, however since I live in a suburb, I don't think it can be used in my situation. See?

Mecklenburg Transportation System (MTS)

What's your mother's position in this? Have you lived at home your whole life, never left? Why isn't she getting you help?

She's tired of shuttling me around like a Taxi service. She hates it. I asked her time and time again to help me to just get a basic doctor, she says I need one, but then she's too busy with her full time job, yoga and meditation after work, and never followed through with helping me to fix the problem.

You see, I have to use the doctor on my Medicaid card, but since the provider on the card isn't accepting new patients, and I haven't been in years to see them and thus, need to reregister as a new patient, I can't use them. Until I change the provider on my card, I can't even see a PCP.

No one else in the family wants to help either. Dad is too tired or has to work, kid brother is always working or tired too, plus he's a raging alcoholic and I am beginning to not trust his driving anymore. I'm basically the burden being shuffled from one family member to another and no one wants to help me. As a result, I feel guilty for being a burden.

I'm not so sure you're looking in the right places. Its not usually a service that is advertised through public transportation.

In my area we get vouchers for cabs and the bus. If you don't live near a bus line, then you use the cab service.

Its a matter of knowing who will give you the vouchers as its not an advertised service. You have to be a part of the system already to know that it exists for the most part.

You have a part time job, right? That means the chances are that you would be able to save up enough money to get a cab or uber or whatever. There are always uber promos going on, so look into that, too.

At this point I'm kind of getting the feeling that you are in a particular mindset and no matter what anyone says you want to disagree with them and tell them that what they say doesn't work or isn't true or something you aren't going to try. Is this just a vent thread then?

Who do I ask for cab vouchers then? What is this system I need to be a part of? How do I become a part of it? How do I find a service that isn't advertised?

I already said I can't save money to save my life. I have a compulsive spending problem. I would seek therapy for this, but you already know the deal.

I'm not venting, or disagreeing with anyone. Why would you think that? Nothing works, no matter how hard I try because no one cares....that's the main problem.

You have a smart phone, right?

There are many human service that offer education and employment services, including transportation, for people with disabilities. Here are some:

NC DHHS: Employment Services for People with Disabilities

http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/h...lity_bene.html

There are a lot more. I just ran a google search for you. If you need help finding resources, just ask.

You're in your 30s. At some point you have to take responsibility for getting yourself help, and not blaming your parents for not helping you. You also have the same access to google that we do to find services for those with disabilities. I have a learning disability and, as a teenager (with no mom and a dad who traveled for work) living in area with no public transportation, I managed to find myself a doctor who specialized in learning disabilities and get myself to appointments and apply for the services I needed. I had no idea what I was doing but I tried until I figured it out.

In googling, this is the first site I found that might be helpful for you. But if it's not, keep looking. These services do exist. You just have to make phone calls, do paperwork, etc. It also is within your control to save up $20 for an Uber to one initial doctor's visit, if you want to get things rolling. $20 is like 2 hours of paid work if you're earning around minimum wage. You can make that in a single day. If you want to change your circumstances, you have to do the work. I know it's hard and we all wish we had someone to do it for us. You've been blessed to have parents who, at least some of the time, drove you places and provided for you (even if they sucked at being emotionally attuned). Not all of us have had that and have had to fend for ourselves-- or literally die if we couldn't hack it. I know you have a disability and MI and that does make it hard, but that's why you need services! Those services will help you get where you need to be.

Special Transportation Service (STS)

Okay, okay. No need to overwhelm me with options folks. I think that right now, I just need to focus on therapy, not that it ever worked for me anyways...

Just want to give you a hug

If you are disabled most certainly disability services would provide transportation to apointments. Are you enrolled in disability services? Do you receive disability?

I can find disability services for you. Many of my students will never drive (seizure disorders or other impairments), they get around on the bus and my area has terrible public transportation, next to none. But they walk quite far to get to main roads to get on a bus. Can you take a bus?

If you schedule one appointment a month, you still can't take uber or taxi? Once a month? Aren't you working part time and you don't pay rent. How do you do date then if you can't get around ?

What's your disability? I recall you said you have depression and anxiety. Do you have physical disability with limited mobility?

Call your doctor, the one that diagnose you with disability and ask how to get to appointments. Call your psychiatrist.

At some point your parents will be gone and what will you do? If you are disabled you still need to build independence: apply for subsidized housing and disability etc.

Help is there. You can get help

Disability services drive people on disability to medical appointments. https://www.ncdhhs.gov/assistance/disability-services

You go on this link (see below) and you call them. That's where you start. That's where you get transportation voucher and other services. Every state provides a ton. My DH has a disability (he is not ON disability), at some point he needed help on something from disability services (when he was younger and was planning his career), he is forever greatful for what they assisted with. All it takes is one phone call

https://www.ncdhhs.gov/assistance/disability-services

People DO care. You have 12 pages of people who are trying to help you.

I think it may start with changing your "can't" attitude into a "can-do" attitude.

I think that perhaps you should start by making a list of the things that you want to accomplish.

I'm guessing that many of these things will cost money, so perhaps one of the first things you should do is work on your compulsive spending habits.

I find that its easier to change a negative behavior by replacing it with a positive one.

Is there something that you're interested in that could occupy your time instead of buying things?