[seesaw]

So about a week ago I messaged this guy that I thought was attractive and it seemed like we might have a lot in common. A week later (yesterday) he finally messages me back, saying he's sorry it took so long to respond, and that my message was the best first message he's received, and that he's intrigued.

So we chatted back and forth for a few minutes, but it was late and I think we both fell asleep. We had left the conversation at me asking him a question, to which he never responded, and still hasn't responded. And just a little while ago, I saw that he was online. But still no response. My experience tells me I won't hear anything else from him.

This is so frustrating, to have a guy act like he's interested then just stop responding. I never used to have this trouble with online dating. I could get a date in an instant...but now, maybe because I'm looking for something more serious, it seems like I can't even get a conversation going with a man I'm interested in.

I know I want to get married and start a family. So yes, I'm looking for a man that wants that too, so does that automatically make me undateable, just because I know what I want? Aren't there men out there that want that or all they are all just interested in casual sex at this point? I feel like I missed the boat and now will never find someone I like.

I'm going to a speed dating event in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping maybe I'll at least meet someone interesting there, but I don't have too high of hopes.

This whole process is incredibly tiresome. I don't remember it being this difficult. Sigh....

Seesaw

Well there definitely are men out there who do want to settle down, I know a few, they aren't online dating but laws of averages would suggest some will be.

Sorry I can't be more help, I have zero experience of online dating and not too much of dating, just wanted to say you sound like an interesting nice person and I'm sure you will get better responses at some point.

PS saying your message was the best he'd had but waiting a week sounds a little fishy to me, and not answering a question a little off too.

There are guys out there who are looking for something more serious. Unfortunately, from what I've heard, online dating isn't the place to find them (at least not easily), as many there are just looking for a one night hook up.

This sort of game is nothing new. I'm on a friendship site and the same games are played, guys only wanting something more but they are cagey about it or else they'll be booted from the site, and when you're straightforward with not wanting an "involvement" they ghost you. I think its just the nature of the internet bringing out guys who just want sex. They don't have the skills to go to a bar and pick up a woman for a one night stand, so they resort to dating sites.

Thus, I say keep on trying....hopefully you'll find someone.

In terms of unanswered questions.....he's definitely ghosted you. There is one standard question that I receive and when I answer it honestly I never hear from the guy again. I'm going to just stop answering this question and ghost them LOL.

[seesaw]

Ghosted...I guess I learned a new word today.

[angleparnia]

oh babe...dont feel bad..there is always ignorant and selfish guys...he was impolite.but dont think so seroiuse on dating online...i dont have good feeling on it.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

There are guys out there who are looking for something more serious. Unfortunately, from what I've heard, online dating isn't the place to find them (at least not easily), as many there are just looking for a one night hook up.

This sort of game is nothing new. I'm on a friendship site and the same games are played, guys only wanting something more but they are cagey about it or else they'll be booted from the site, and when you're straightforward with not wanting an "involvement" they ghost you. I think its just the nature of the internet bringing out guys who just want sex. They don't have the skills to go to a bar and pick up a woman for a one night stand, so they resort to dating sites.

Thus, I say keep on trying....hopefully you'll find someone.


In terms of unanswered questions.....he's definitely ghosted you. There is one standard question that I receive and when I answer it honestly I never hear from the guy again. I'm going to just stop answering this question and ghost them LOL.

What is that one standard, deadly question?

[Artchic528]

Yeah, 98% of guys on dating sites just want a one night booty call. That is what is the discouraging thing. I feel that for those of us looking for a serious relationship, online dating is a huge mindfuk.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What is that one standard, deadly question?

I'm on a friendship site (that is strictly for making friends, you will be banned if you are trying to look for a relationship.) So its a little bit different. The question I get is "are you dating now?" which in the realm of looking for a friend is indeed inappropriate. (My profile clearly says I am single and people don't need to know anything beyond that.) On a dating site that would be a completely appropriate question, but on a friendship site, its not. I didn't make it the "no go" question, it just ended up being like that after quite a few guys asked me if I was dating right now and when the answer was "no" (I don't lie), I was ghosted....every. single. time. (Quite a few times I must say, that's how I figured out the pattern.) And this was after we'd sent a number of emails to each other. I much prefer the guys who hit on you outright b/c at least they're being honest. It feels deceptive to have the dating thing sprung on you down the road.

I'm guessing it would be easier on dating sites, too, if the guys weren't so deceptive and hiding the fact that they only want quick/easy sex.

I guess my point is that on dating sites I'm guessing there is something similar, something that guys ask that is a clue for them to move on. I have no idea what that would be as I don't go on dating sites. (I'd need someone to wait like forever for sex b/c of my trauma history, and I know those kinds of guys just aren't on dating sites.)

[ReptileInYourHead]

Speed dating huh, good for you seesaw, sounds pretty terrifying to me. ��

[laffer75]

Keep trying, not all guys are the same )

[TishaBuv]

Good for you for trying and going to speed dating. You're bound to meet a nice guy eventually.

[divine1966]

When I did online dating in my 30s, many men did want to have long term relationship and marriage. In fact most men that I met. I dated some but unfortunately I just didn't find many of them interesting enough for dating or there were red flags (one asked if I'd convert to his faith etc). There were some that weren't interested in relationship but those were far in between. I just would not go on a date with them and blocked them right away (one asked my bra size wtf lol) but those were just a few

Also when I did online dating in my 30s so many men messaged me that I lost track and probably ghosted some unintentionally. There were just too many. The thing is when we just start talking to them we don't owe each other anything. I remember some men were upset that I didn't message right away. But I had a full time job, grad school at night and a kid and enormous number of men to reply. It was not about them. I then met someone and was with them for almost a decade

Well when I did second round of online dating at 49 when I was single again, there were way fewer men wanting me lol number goes down with age but I luckily met my husband quickly. So obviously older we get fewer men are out there.

Which sites are you using? I heard some sites cater to those who prefer casual sex etc make sure you aren't on free sites. Those are either hook ups or for people who possibly don't work so don't have the money to pay membership

[Artchic528]

I suggest not using eHarmony as that site is a huge scam. I went though the application process, taking the profile tests and whatnot, only to get a huge "We can't match you with anyone at this time" and no way to change anything or anyway to pay for their so called "membership". Don't use that site EVER!!!

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I suggest not using eHarmony as that site is a huge scam. I went though the application process, taking the profile tests and whatnot, only to get a huge "We can't match you with anyone at this time" and no way to change anything or anyway to pay for their so called "membership". Don't use that site EVER!!!

Really? Do you live in a rural area? (I'm just trying to figure out if there could be other reasons why you weren't matched with someone.) I was always under the impression that eharmony was one of the better sites. LOL, I guess their advertising worked on me! I don't qualify to use their site, so I really don't have any personal experience.

[Artchic528]

I live in an urban area. Suburbs of Charlotte, NC actually.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I live in an urban area. Suburbs of Charlotte, NC actually.

Damn. You'd think they'd offer you your money back if you don't even get one match! I mean I could see that as a major scam. Take people's money and just tell them they don't have any matches.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

Damn. You'd think they'd offer you your money back if you don't even get one match! I mean I could see that as a major scam. Take people's money and just tell them they don't have any matches.

Exactly. Though they haven't even given me the opportunity to pay for their "membership". All I get is the same damn page with "We can't match you to anyone at this time."

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

Really? Do you live in a rural area? (I'm just trying to figure out if there could be other reasons why you weren't matched with someone.) I was always under the impression that eharmony was one of the better sites. LOL, I guess their advertising worked on me! I don't qualify to use their site, so I really don't have any personal experience.

I was matched with tons tons of people on there.
I met my husband on eharmony quick so I didnt have to date much on there but I had tons of matches. They were mostly people in similar profession to mine, same or similar field. I assumed they answered questions similar to how I did, similar personalities I guess. Who knows

[avlady]

i am married for 20 years now, scared if anything should happen to him. i have a son from a previous relationship, alcoholic and issues. if i was single i would need a 20 page report on someone before attempting a date. some marriages do come from dating sites as i see on tv.good luck

[laffer75]

I met my wife online. We have been married almost 6 years niw

[seesaw]

Eh, maybe I'll try eharmony...we'll see.

[seeker1950]

After my divorce, at age 47, I used the dating sites, Match, eHarmony, etc. One thing I discovered quickly was that the men didn't care to talk much, as in having chats or correspondence, revealing much about themselves. I wanted to do that before meeting in person. Repeatedly, I found myself pressured for a face-to-face meeting. I did meet. Some I even dated for substantial time, but in the end, I never knew enough about them. I have horror stories, but this is not the place to go into it. (I could write a book!)

I liken online dating to throwing a hook into the ocean and pulling out who-knows-what kind of monster. Also, the men I met and dated...well, if I had met them in normal social situations, like work or thru friends, would I have been attracted to them? I say NOT. Online dating sets one up for unrealistic expectations.

Also, about age....the men my age, in my 40's were looking for women in their 20's and 30's. Later, in my 50's, same thing, 20's 30's , very few even women in their 40's. Also, those I knew were looking for a woman to support them either financially or for health reasons. (I spent two years with a man who deceived me about his health, thus ending up being a nurse maid, all the while he was in touch with other women till he could get his kidney transplant.)

Seesaw, maybe it would benefit you to meet men socially, thru some events, orgs., which you find interesting. I know one woman who volunteered for Habitat for Humanity, and met her nice hubby that way.

[seesaw]

I do volunteer and do things, but I work 60 hours a week so I don't have much free time. But thanks for the suggestions!