Asking too much?

This is for future reference really, I'd like to know if i expect too much in relationships and learn about boundaries for my future relationships etc.
For the past 2 years, I have been a stay at home mother to 3 children, partner works away sometimes for weeks at a time.
During our first pregnancy, he went away and ended up going on a night out drinking one weekend and didn't call until the next day. When he came home, he acted odd, i felt something was wrong and I checked his phone. (I know, bad) In the deleted pictures, there were photos of him taking selfies with another woman. I suspected infidelity and all my trust went out of the window.
I told him i wanted to build up the trust again if i was to forgive him, he agreed.
During the years, the same thing happens while hes away. He calls me after work, says he will call me later and then ends up drinking and spending our bill and rent money and not answering my calls or texts until the next day.

The more this happens, I get upset at him and he says im trying to control him. Its not that I don't want him not having fun while hes stuck working away... but i would appreciate him to shoot me a text or call on a night when he promises he will. I'm not exactly having a blast being home with the kids everyday and night alone.

This time, he called me after work, said he was going to hang out with his friends and I agreed and asked if he could text or call me before I went to bed, he said he would. He didnt, i called at 10.30 and it went to voice-mail l, i left a message to say I was upset he had forgotten to call or text me.

This morning he called like nothing was wrong, i said i was upset he didn't call or text last night like he said he would and he was extremely angry with me. He said im always trying to control him, don't let him have any fun etc.. which i did not care that he was out with friends.. i just appreciate him sticking to his word about shooting a text letting me know he wouldn't be able to chat or whatever..
I enjoy speaking to him while hes away, i get lonely at home being with the kids all the time and I never go out, I just look forward to his call all day.

Is it wrong at me for being upset about this? He acts like i expect too much from him, like I don't want him to have a life. But all I want is a phone call! My trust is gone from the lies, the spending money and the suspected infidelity 2 years ago.. i had just wanted to build the trust between us again.

I have chosen to leave this relationship as I am no longer happy. But I want to know.. from a man's point of view.
Is it frustrating and too much to ask for a quick call? Or at least a heads up he would be too busy to chat that night?
He makes me feel like im nagging and annoying which I hate.. i dont want to repeat the same mistakes in my next relationship to be honest. I want to learn from this failed relationship.

I'm not a man but for what it's worth no I don't think it's asking too much. Sorry he treated you like this, it's not caring or respectful.

Thank you for the input! I don't feel it's too much to ask either.. but he always makes me feel like such a nag when I say it. I feel he doesn't respect me in that aspect, i would never just forget to call him when I said I would, especially if it gave him peace of mind.
I'm just trying to make sense of everything right now.. so thank you.

I'm not a man either but I also agree that you aren't asking too much. Calling to let you know would be a common courtesy. I'm sorry this has occurred.

I agree. I also think it is a common courtesy.. i was so very tired of being made to feel like I was in the wrong.
I just wanted to make sure this wasn't me over stepping boundaries and demanding his time... I didnt want to be the helicopter wife, but I also did want to gain some trust back into our relationship.

Hello again Zedsdead. No it isn't asking too much at all for him to call if going to be late or out all night,most men wouldn't hesitate to call their partner.The thing about narcissists though is they are very controlling themselves and love nothing more than to upset and frustrate the people they accuse of controlling them.They are the controlling ones and if they can make you worried and upset they love it,it satisfies their nasty and selfish streaks and they are getting the most pleasure from causing significant others pain and frustration cos they are on top of everything else sadists.

This is what I was wondering about too!! If this was all a part of his scheme with me. Hurt me, then try to make me feel like im crazy for being hurt.. seems to fit in with the rest of our issues anyway.
Wow. What makes these people tick... im so glad I saw this side of him. Even if it was 4 years too late. Thanks Marilyn 😊 it really helps to come here to make sense of it all.

I am a man and I agree it is common courtesy and not stepping over boundaries. I would have no problem calling if I was out late.

Thank you for the male input. I have felt like I was obsessive and needy for years over this issue.. its nice to know that it's not too much to ask or be upset if he continously broke his promise to call the way he did.