I have no idea where to post this, but I've posted about it a while ago in the mental health forum i think. I am on disability. I have issues with showing up to social stuff. I don't have an answer to why, except that when the time comes to do stuff like knitting group, meditation group, etc, I don't feel like it. I do feel bored when I think about it actually. But I want to get myself to go to these things. Its hard to push through the uncomfortableness of resistance. But I should keep trying.

Being on disability, I wonder if that lets me continue to just not show up. Because I have no consequences. Except I do. I don't have friends. no connection. I desire deep connections in my life. Actually, I don't feel deep connection to anyone at knitting group. I was friends with this one woman there outside of the group. She took an interest in me, but has kind of disappeared. Anyway, I don't have difficulty showing up for one on one stuff. So I don't think its me. I even sent her a valentine card.

I don't know what to do and am beyond my wits end with myself for not doing certain stuff. of not having friends. for not being in the community. Sorry, I feel like I'm babbling and not making any sense. But I need to get this out somehow.

The last time I talked about this, someone said I sounded very lukewarm and bored about knitting group. This is very true. Other stuff, that I've been more interested in, has given me more anxiety. So...I don't ****ing know. Maybe I'm destined to live alone and sad. I hope not. I'm just........I don't know how to do this. Social stuff. Without......feeling so much anxiety. feeling like I don't want to.

I know I need to talk to my therapist. and i will.

I want meaning and connection in my life.

I think some of us will always find social situations difficult to some degree, whether it's awkwardness, anxiety, shyness, introversion, whatever. I certainly relate to what you are saying, I feel like I have to 'gird my loins' when I go to social events, which is not that often tbh, but it's part of life and so I do it from time to time.

In my case I am in the community but in my own terms, small scale, via volunteering, sport, in my case 'doing' something/an activity rather than talking is a better option. I have a lot of acquaintances in my life through this, they're not deep connections mostly, but they are very much valued by me. Not sure if that makes sense to you, but it's my experience anyhow.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

...in my case 'doing' something/an activity rather than talking is a better option. ...

Interesting! I have problems doing things. People suggest many things to do, but the fear of doing them is greater than the willingness/energy to do most of the things. I also see no purpose in doing them, which is another factor why I don't do things. What does make you do things? I'm curious.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to yourt feelings I want to socialize and have friend, but I always get bored at social events. It's hard

I hear you

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to yourt feelings I want to socialize and have friend, but I always get bored at social events. It's hard

I hear you

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

Interesting! I have problems doing things. People suggest many things to do, but the fear of doing them is greater than the willingness/energy to do most of the things. I also see no purpose in doing them, which is another factor why I don't do things. What does make you do things? I'm curious.

I had a bit of a think over how best to explain the way I feel about sharing the activities I enjoy.

The activities I do are ones I enjoy alone anyway, they are my 'thing'. One is sport and the other is music - those two things are important parts of my life. Although I am not an outgoing person I like meeting others and sharing the same passions.

So I suppose the answer to your question 'What does make you do things?' is that the activities themselves are the driver, I feel better for doing them and look forward to when I can do them.

Hope that makes some sort of sense.

PS - the first time I went along to both my activity groups I was very nervous, it was the desire to enjoy the activity and the fact I did then enjoy the activity once I got over my nerves. I still do get a little tongue tied sometimes, and I'll never be the most talkative person, but the nerves are less with time.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

...

The activities I do are ones I enjoy alone anyway, they are my 'thing'. One is sport and the other is music - those two things are important parts of my life. Although I am not an outgoing person I like meeting others and sharing the same passions.

...

Thanks for your response. You have a passion about something, and you like people to share your passion with. That makes sense. No wonder why my social life is nonexistent and probably will never be.

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

Thanks for your response. You have a passion about something, and you like people to share your passion with. That makes sense. No wonder why my social life is nonexistent and probably will never be.

It wasn't always so simple for me, I tried a few groups/activities before I found the right fit for me. Those activities were also things I really enjoyed but for some reason I did not 'click' with those groups of people.

Thinking about that time in my life I can see now that it just wasn't the right fit for me but at the time I felt hopeless - I felt like there was something wrong with me and I couldn't fit anywhere. It actually took courage to stop trying with those groups and seek out different opportunities, because I felt it was me and nothing I would do would work, that I was fundamentally flawed and a misfit. Sounds kind of dramatic now but that was how I felt back then.

Maybe Starrysky and Mr Stranger you just haven't found the right fit for you just yet, but I hope you will keep trying different things - it can take experimentation to get this. Never give up!

Hello. I am in a better mood today because I have gone to the gym and it made me feel good.

Thanks Prefab. You know, I do wonder if I push myself too much. I push myself to do a lot of different stuff. Maybe my mind / body doesn't work that way. Actually, I was reading in a blog, that not everyone is made the same in terms of motivation, and its all genetic, like in our genes, everything we think and do (not pre-planned, just that our behaviors and motivations for those behaviors are genetically linked). Interesting to think about anyway. I thought it was kind of depressing too, but it was a motivational blog and there was helpful / encouraging info too. Anyway, that was a random tangent! Lol. But related

MickeyCheeky, you get a hug. I am glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you for the support

And hi Mr. Stranger! I know your question was directed at Prefabsprout, about what does make her do things and what motivates her? But I'll answer too. Sometimes I have no motivation to do something I planned to do. So I don't do it. I get so frustrated, as you can see. Other times I remember how I feel when I do do things, the feeling after. Like the gym or walking in nature, for instance. Today, I went to the gym, but I literally took a detour / joy ride before I actually went there. I'm wanting to get to the point where I don't do that much, either. But I'm not being hard on myself today.

There are definitely some things (and some times) I have more motivation for than others. Also, another thing I notice about myself is that when I procrastinate, I literally feel worse, emotionally, and the worse I feel emotionally, the harder it is to get myself to do stuff.

Social stuff, I know that I have social anxiety with new stuff.

Hands up here about the procrastination thing - and I'm happy to read you beat that today and got to the gym and felt better!

Yes I think it's possible to push too much, I think it sounds you have a really good insight here. It's getting that balance right, actually a detour to the gym sounds okay, you went there in the end after all and perhaps that detour refreshed you.

Originally Posted by starrysky

.... Other times I remember how I feel when I do do things, the feeling after. Like the gym or walking in nature, for instance. Today, I went to the gym, but I literally took a detour / joy ride before I actually went there. I'm wanting to get to the point where I don't do that much, either. But I'm not being hard on myself today.

.... Also, another thing I notice about myself is that when I procrastinate, I literally feel worse, emotionally, and the worse I feel emotionally, the harder it is to get myself to do stuff. ....

I find that things aren't as hard as they seemed once I start doing them, but I'm quick to forget this fact every single time I want to do something. I agree about procrastination. Good points.