How do you deal with negative people who undermine/sabotage your life?

It can be a big challenge when coming across a toxic "group" like you are describing. Unfortunately, people will go along with "shunning" because they are getting something "they" want by being on the good side of the "bully" or toxic individual that is making it a point to convince others to decide to "unfriend" someone and shun them. Sadly, this happens a lot in different workplaces and "groups" of people.

I worked as a temp for a couple of years and what was nice about doing that is that I got to observe different work environments and the way the people in these environments developed their social groups. It gave me a chance to be a fly on the wall because I was only a "temp" and that meant I was not considered a threat, and often I was invisible.

It sounds like the "threat" you presented was because you were gaining friends and a certain individual was threatened by that. That is why so much effort was put into creating "doubt" about you and gossip that doesn't reflect the truth about you. This can happen anywhere and in any group.

In my lifetime, I have watched some very "toxic" people collect a following. It NEVER ceases to amaze me. I don't really care to get too devoted to a group for that reason because I am not willing to "hurt and shun". It can be very challenging to learn how to "play nice" in the sandbox. If someone is working on getting others to think badly of you and you know they are lying and manipulating, it's important to learn how to develop your own skills of having "your" direction and staying "your" course of being pleasant in spite of. If a person is successful at convincing others of "lies" then what that really means is these "others" are simply not worth your time and investment. The only thing you can do is be "you" and be nice as a person and commit to striving in whatever your passion is understanding how "yes" you will come across others that may be threatened by you and take part in toxic behaviors to remove their sense of threat.

These behavior patterns are part of the human condition, you will never be able to "remove" this behavior in human circles. All you can do is learn about this reality and adjust yourself towards recognizing it and developing your own way of learning how to distance from how these behaviors are intended to hurt because of how someone feels "threatened".

When a person practices these toxic behaviors, often this is resulting from something in that person's past they are compensating for. Actually? This site alone is "full" of all kinds of personal histories that different individuals experience that "hurt" them. One time I visited the forum for NPD and read a thread called "how bad was it?". What I read in that thread was SAD. I read different stories about childhood emotional neglect and abuse. So, a lot of times the toxic behaviors you come across in others is often due to how an individual is compensating for something that person did not get in their childhood. Often the desire to "shun" comes more from how a person wants to rid themselves of a reminder of something that "hurt" them. Yet, this can be on such a deep subconscious level that this person isn't really completely "aware", they just want this threat "gone". This is one of the reasons behind, "narcissists don't know they are narcissists".

Ask yourself this question, "what do all children want?", answer, attention and praise. This is what "narcissistic feed is all about".
We all desire a degree of narcissistic feed.

Whether this is a reality or not really just depends on your determination to get out of the environment where you're clearly oppressed in some form. It really comes down to that. It may not be something easy to do, and I didn't mean to imply that it is, if that was your impression but it is really just what needs to happen. If you're in an environment where you have no control of changing it or the parts of it (the people involved) the only options you have are to accept it is what it is and remain oppressed or move on and find a better environment. Again, easier said than done but I do believe I am speaking the truth here and ultimately what is reality.

How badly do you want to pursue your passions? What are you willing to sacrifice and do? You can only remain a victim in a situation where you can't or won't get out of.

((( Cielpur ))) this sounds like an "office politics" kind of situation. If your recreational life were a work environment, people are making it toxic. I can't for the moment offer any advice - because you don't seem to have a "supportive manager" type figure available in this situation - but you have my support.

Basically, my question is: how do you deal with negative people who sabotage your life's passions? I have several life passions that I have not been able to get involved with in my city, due to some very mean people. Three of them are women and there is one man -- these could be villains in a Shakespeare tragedy: Reagan (King Lear), Lady MacBeth (MacBeth), Timora (Titus Andronicus) and Richard III (Richard III). Look them up to get an idea of their character traits.

They're nasty people, like the people I previously knew who have continued to slight me to their friends, thus undermining my efforts to re-engage in three creative areas that are my life's passions, and it's made me miserable. I could use advice.

Obviously, I live by the motto "your past does not define you," but that doesn't apply to the people in my past, who continue to define me in their own distorted terms, without telling me what those terms even ARE. As Dorothy Parker, an American writer once quipped, "what other people think of me, is none of my business."

But in this case, I really want to confront these four a-holes who have ruined my reputation with complete strangers, who won't even give me the time of day now as a result. And yes, that says something about those people's character traits but if they are the gate keepers, and they hate me based on what their friends say, how do I get around that? How do I disprove the people who for whatever reason don't like me? I'm really frustrated because it's really unfair. I deserve to be happy and indulge in my life's passions regardless of what those four people think of me.

I'd find a new group, a new set of opportunities and leave the mess behind in this case/ "don't look back unless you want to go there."

You told Sandman that you need to change your attitude about these individuals, and not leave your situation, but you said you don't need to change your attitude in your response to me. So I'm confused. But maybe you are confused and thinking things through. I know you said you can't move, but I am wondering why your social situation would not change if you moved and were around new people. Whatever you choose to do about your difficulty, I hope you find peace of mind.

Some people really are messed up, I agree w you. I've experienced group drama of my own. I've left groups of people in the past, and it had been painful, and I would never go back, because it IS hard to go in as an individual when you think people dislike you or you dislike them! People who are gossip driven are immature at best, cruel at worst. I have experienced the lament of wishing I could go back, or at least turn back time. I think this is where acceptance of reality comes in. I also think, have hope. For yourself, your future, your art.

You can call whatever you want on it but calling "b.s." on something implies that someone is telling something other than what one believes is true, with the purposes of misleading someone. I assure you there is nothing of the sort going on here. You can disagree with me or anyone but just because you dont' agree doesn't mean they are trying to bullsh** you. Whether I am wrong or not, the reality is that sometimes the things that are actually honestly said are the hardest things to accept. But trust me, there is nothing in my statement that is intended to put you down, minimize or hurt you. My intention is to help. Take that or leave it.

I'm not sure how to respond to the passive aggressive statement, I mean, I dont' know you, only your issues that you post here, why would I have any reason to be passive aggressive with you in the first place? I gain nothing from coming here to cause you stress or anger you.

I make no judgements on your character, once again, because I do not know you personally.

You assume that changing environments = moving physically. that was not at all what I meant. Although moving physically to a new location would ultimately change environments, it is not actually a requirement. I can live in the same house and change who, what and where I do my business, entertain myself, or hang out. The who, is the part that I was most focused on.

As an example, I am an artist. I can be involved in artistic groups in all kinds of ways. If say I was involved in a group related to my style of art... wait I have an experience based example here. I use something called picarto. It's a live streaming art site where you can do your art live with viewers watching your work. Well in my case I have found there are many groups that take part in certain chatter and activities, have certain attitudes. some I will get involved with, others I have found I have to avoid because I disagree with the way they interact online. now I am only assuming that your problems are related to the people involved in your group related to the passion you mention. if that is so my only suggestion is to try and find a different group that has the same passions but are beter people. Again, this is working from minimal amounts of information pertaining to your situation so I know, I could be off.

but ultimately we do have choices and whether we like it or not, if we choose to remain in situations with toxic people, we choose to remain in the toxic situation.

If there is no way to find a different environment (again, not necessarily physical) then you are probably right about that.

Well thank you for sharing that last part. I would agree that being involved with a group to do the things you find worthwhile is great but if it comes with strings related to more of a belief system and or maybe a religion, and you're not already a believer in it, then no that kind of goes against the purpose. would be different if you're part of their community religiously and take part in the creative portion as an extension of it but obviously that's not the case.

I don't think it's rude to expect that of the people in your group but I do think that it's rude to shun them if they choose not to follow it, an agreement to part ways because of it makes sense but there's no reason for judging the person choosing to opt out. I mean, it seems more like their ultimate goal is to sway people to their belief system than it is to find artists or creative for their project.

Anyway get those feelers out there, I am sure there are many that are more in line with your thinking.

*btw I wasn't sharing the part about my live streaming to toot my horn but because it was an example where I've had to choose the groups I get involved with *