I need to let go, but I can't seem to do it.

My husband and I can't get along for more than a few weeks at a time. It's been like this for 4 years. We've been married for 2. I keep hoping this will change and we do talk and try to find resolution for our issues, but they don't seems to stick for very long, and then we start the cycle all over again.
He's a doctor and practices psychotherapy, and I don't have the luxury of going to marital counseling with him because he refuses to go.
He feels like no one is going to be able to tell him anything he doesn't already know, and that he is one of the best at what he does.
I feel like he is the judge and the jury, and if anyone were to hear some of the things he says to me, they would certainly wonder how he can save everyone else's marriage, but not his own.
Never-the-less, I am very sad; overwhelmingly sad. I feel hopeless. I know I should let go of this marriage, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it.
Our relationship is like 2 magnets; we are either completely and blissfully stuck to each other, or we are at each other's throats. It's sick.
He has threatened to leave a dozen times, he threatens me with a lot of things, and I think sometimes, he does it to watch me try and pull him back again. And, I always do.
sorry this was so lengthy....

Hugs sakal. I'm struggling in my marriage right now too and my h refuses marriage counseling as well. It makes me feel like he doesn't even care. We have times that go on for awhile too where we get along fine and then it all goes to hell again. He says such hurtful things to me, stuff like that.

Hello sakal: I'm sorry you are experiencing this difficulty. They always say doctors make the worst patients. Perhaps that can be said of psychotherapists too. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support as you struggle to come to a decision regarding the future of your marriage.

This appears to be your first thread here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

I believe the biggest obstacle to your getting past this and fixing things is his refusal to admit that he might not "know everything" there is to know about marriage problems. I believe he is in denial because since he is a psychotherapist, he can't accept that he is capable of having a bad marriage. Granted it's deep seated denial, in that consciously he knows things are bad but there's something in him that is keeping him from admitting fully that it's true. he wont' fully give himself entirely to getting things done to fix the problems because of this.

I say he needs to face the truth and give in or you need to move on. You can't go through life repeating this cycle and have him only half -a$$ing it to fix things.

Thank you all for your input/ It's very helpful, and at the least, it's somewhere I can go to feel like I am being heard. I know I couldn't possibly be the only person who struggles with these problems, but I am so grateful to have this mode of ....release and relief, shall I say.
Reading everything is also helpful. It gives me back, a sense of myself ; at times, I feel so low, I actually think I must be the problem and I can't see things clearly.
Thank you for providing this safe place.

ugg...my H says the most terrible things and then says he didn't really mean them.....then goes right back to it.
I wonder if most people's husband's do the same? It feels like I have all these holes in me with every cruel thing he says. They don't seem to ever heal.
I do say things back to him, but he isn't phased in the slightest, and then I actually feel like I've betrayed myself because I hate saying them, and I want to take them back immediately. Who can say such things to someone they are supposed to love???

Just here to offer my sympathies and offer a small suggestion. If you don't want to leave, it might be easier to just accept he is what he is and won't change.
That takes away half the battle. Learn to protect yourself from his harmful comments, ignore them if you can and move on with your day.
It would makes things considerably less stressful than battling him over things he doesn't see need to change.

No this isn't what most relationships are like, are you deserving of something better? Absolutely! But if you are to insist n sticking it out, making peace with it might make things a little easier.

I wish you all the best, and Hope you have the strength for all that lies ahead.
Take care.