Did I do the right thing?

Hi there, I'm not sure if I've done something I shouldn't have. There is a female who has asked my partner out for a drink and has been calling him all of which I found out and not by him. When I confronted him he didn't say that much except she was ugly and then I had to basically keep asking if he had told her he had a girlfriend. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened.
The way I found out was his mobile and we are both open to borrowing or using each others etc so that wasn't the issue. When I told him how I found out he got really angry and somehow it was my fault in the end.
This has been playing on my mind and I am feeling like an idiot asking where he is going why can't I go etc etc.
I ended up texting this person and telling her that he has a girlfriend and to not ask him out again and that surely she knows what the right thing to do is. After that I sat with my heart beating so fast and felt so nauseous I nearly threw up. I only did this last night and haven't heard anything. It was such a protective instinct and it was like I couldn't stop myself.
Can anyone please give me their thoughts. I'm so grateful

You need to tell your boyfriend what you did ....right now. I appreciate that this was a knee jerk reaction to what you perceive could be an indiscretion on his part, and hopefully he will understand.

It's a slippery slope when we catch ourselves checking up on our significant others, and we need to remember that we have little control what choices our adult partners make...only hope and trust that our relationship is in a healthy enough place where infidelity won't be a cause for concern.

In my opinion neither this other girl or your boyfriend has done anything wrong really, they are simply both adults chatting to each other at this stage. I suggest that you talk to your boyfriend about boundaries that you both feel comfortable with in moving forward. It's when this type of stuff isn't discussed openly that things start to become murky and confusing.

Be kind to yourself jcc, and welcome to P.C

Thank you. That is why I wanted to share this as communication with him is not the best and I have never done this kind of thing before. I have been considering leaving as I am beginning to feel quite used.
I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

IMHO, you don't necessarily have to tell him you called that female. But you do need to recognize that your issue is not with her, but with him. I think you know that, yourself.

Since this has happened before, you have to wonder about your man's commitment. Sounds like he wants to keep shopping around, while having the security of someone always available to him. You might want to tell him that he can't have his cake and eat it too.

If fidelity is hard for him this early in the relationship, it probably won't be easier for him in years to come. You might want to cut your losses and not invest more in this guy.

So he tells you that this young lady is "ugly?" But she has his number and the idea that she can call him. She got both those things from him, I'm thinking. Imagine if she wasn't ugly.

If you two are living together, then you might want to rethink that arrangement.

He's cheating on you. He doesn't value you or respect you. If he did, he wouldn't be chatting with any woman, and he wouldn't hide that fact that he is chatting with other women from you. The fact that he hid it from you, then deflected with a lie, "she's ugly," tells me he's manipulating you, so that he can have his cake (you) and eat it too (flirt with women via text and god knows what else with them, behind your back).

The fact that he deflected again, and shamed you into feeling guilty for looking on his cellphone when you two agreed that you both could do that, shows me again, that he doesn't respect your feelings at all. He doesn't sound like a good guy at all.

Ask yourself, do you want to be living with a man who makes you walk on egg shells when he misbehaves, then blames you when you point out his bad behavior to him? He sounds very immature.

Asking him out for a drink is crossing all boundaries if she knows that he has a girlfriend (if she even knew before she asked him).

If he went - I'd run for the hills.

Thank you for your reply. We don't live together but he helps me a bit financially while I'm looking for work. I'm currently on benefits at the moment and it is proving to be something else he can control and he knows that I don't have my family or many friends.
To be honest i just know in my gut and the thing is I will have no where to go unless I find somewhere and move straight. So there is really more to this.

I don't think you should have called his friend no matter what their relationship is. If you suspect him of seeing someone else then he most likely is. Look for another mate.

Of course helping you financially gives him something he can control. How long have you known this guy? Taking financial help from someone you are not married to, nor engaged to, puts you in a vulnerable position. How would moving help you? Are you looking for a less expensive place to rent?

Cut costs however you can. One option is to default on credit card bills.

No, you didnt, if you dont trust him, trust your instincts and leave him