Tired of being treated like a patient by my wife

I am seriously sick of this

She seems to think that all that is required of her is that she measure out my meds and write things down to talk to the pDoc about. No attempt at understanding, not even going to try and help me or be there emotionally for me. I don't need a flipping nurse and nothing I say will get this through her head.

The only communication I have with her is when she argues with my illness. She flipping knows that I have little or no control right now so why does she have to keep bringing up my mistakes and forcing her brand of "caring" down my throat?!

Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you bang it into their heads that you need emotional support, something more than "did you take your meds?"

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in. On the one hand it is nice to have someone who is helping out with meds and the "official" stuff, but emotional support is necessary too. Have you considered marriage counselling? It may help to have a professional there who can help you communicate your needs and concerns. If she does not agree to this, you could always seek out individual counselling to receive that emotional support you seek. There is a chance that she is just not capable of giving you the support you need. At that point you'll need to ask yourself if you can live with that.

Excellent advice. Could this be your wife's way of caring? Maybe she is very frightened or uneasy of your condition and this way of having some sense of control over a very scary thing helps her stress.

I have nothing against her helping with my illness. (though admittedly I get very annoyed when the first thing out of her mouth is "have you taken your meds" when we have a disagreement). And I do appreciate it.

But listing off all the wrongs I have done in my lifetime while I am literally losing my mind and asking her to back off? no, she just wants to argue and justifies that she cares for me by pointing at all the nurse-like things she does. Not one iota of understanding. No attempt at offering a shoulder to cry on. She would rather fight my illness than help me through it. I bet if she could traq me she would so she didn't have to listen to me.

oh and I have tried counseling. In the end it never works because she picks and chooses what advice to take

Seriously thinking about ending this all. it was easier being alone.

I'm sorry. I understand but I had the opposite problem. I was ill and he doesn't believe in mental illness. I was married for 20 years but finally divorced him when he became verbally and physically abusive. It was excruciatingly hard but I started getting better after I did that.

I hope you can either work this out or come to a decision that brings you peace.

May I ask what your diagnosis is? Can u maybe attend a support group? They might be able to give you what your wife can't.

Also, I don't know if your wife reads or not but I am sure there are several good books out there and online about spouses dealing with each others illnesses. She may not understand what u need so you might have to educate her.

Bipolar. The support groups around where I live are so full of politics. Who leads what, etc. It was more stressful going to the support groups than just staying home!

And to my wife's credit she has read a lot of books on my illness. She does want to help. The problem is, as stated above when we went to counseling, she only picks out the parts she likes and adheres to them like crazy while ignoring everything else the book says. For instance she is religious about checking my meds and writing down observations about my mood. But actually talking to me about how I feel? yeah, not so much.

You've mentioned some positive things about your wife just now. Could you sit down for a heart-to-heart and work things out or at least come to compromise where you both win?

Is there a chance that maybe she doesn't feel listened to either? Or that she feels like her own emotions and needs aren't being met either?

Mental health is tough, for both partners. Relationships need balance and that's hard to find when your brain is trying to mess with you.

I reiterate what was said above about your wife misconstruing this as a way of caring.

Might I suggest you attend a support group for bipolar or mood disorders? And I think you should take her along to the first meeting - many groups like my own encourage this. It would be really helpful for her to see how bipolar is present in and affects other people's lives. She needs to see that being mentally ill requires more than simple medication.

You asked if others experience this. YES. It is my father who seems to desperately want to be my rescuer. But what this translates to is a barrage of questions about my medication, behaviours, and present mental states. The biggest thing is that he questions every decision I make with the assumption it is the illness that is motivating it. I have decided to make some changes in my life; mainly, a return to work and possible relocation to the city where my boyfriend (of years) resides. I am thinking ahead and making myself a six month plan. I am not taking this lightly. He was adamant when I told him I was thinking of this that I must be manic and needed immediate psychiatric care. In fact, the first words out of his mouth were, "Have you been taking your meds?"

A former boyfriend of mine is bipolar. The last time we dated, he rejected me for something more longer term (he wouldn't elaborate). Then he married a psychologist.

We ran into each other and caught up briefly. He shared with me that she emotionally abuses him with the line "have you taken your meds today" when they argue and she wants to shut him down. She is always right, according to her, bc she has a counseling license.

Apparently, according to her, that trumps his teacher's license. So, he never wins an argument and is emasculated (according to him) by her. She also picks and chooses to listen to (abide by) what advice he gives her about how to treat him, if you can believe that.

So, I sympathize with you. I would say, if the marriage isn't working for you and your wife is domineering and overbearing to the point where it just shuts you down and frustrates you; then divorce seems like a reasonable choice to me. I mean, why be with the wrong person. Sure, we all have our flaws. But when the person you marry, emotionally abuses you, and knows that you are quite aware that they are emotionally abusing you but won't stop emotionally abusing you...then why stay married to that horrible person. I don't know you or your wife. So, this is purely my stream of consciousness from my encounter with my ex-boyfriend who married the wrong woman (I wouldn't have married him if he'd asked, but that's for another thread).