Sad

Ok short version- 3 weeks ago I had an episode and blew up and ran my mouth. This was 4 days before I was dx as being bipolar. Anyways I said some very mean thi n he to my fiance and then when his sister and sister in law chimed in I cussed them out. Now no one want to have anything to do with me. His family reunion is in 2 weeks and I'm scared to go because I don't think anyo me will have anything to do with me. I want to make amends so bad but I'm scared to. What do I do?

What makes you afraid to make amends? I mean, it will be difficult but it sounds like the right thing to do.

If you don't try to make amends they can conclude that you don't want to make amends because you said what you really thought and you don't care to change anything. The tension will remain indefinitely and healing will not occur.

If you decide to apologize, think about which of them will likely be the most forgiving and consider whether to approach them first. Do not use bipolar disorder, or any other physical or mental disorder that you may have, as an excuse or explanation. If you do, you will not be owning the words and the apology will come across as insincere.

I'm sorry you had this experience. I know you are scared but you really need to try to make amends especially if they are going to be in your life going forward. Just practice what you are going to say and approach them one at a time if that will be easier. I hope everything goes smoothly. Best wishes.

Oops. I'd say 2 weeks could be too soon, especially given it's a family reunion - they may not want you there. Sorry to be so blunt. I think you may have to give it a little bit of time whilst you adjust to all of this and your diagnosis. There certainly will be time to make amends and move forward from all of this as you stabilise and get well again.

How are things now with your fiancé?

I want to apologize I'm scared of retaliation or that they won't accept it. I won't use my being bipolar as an excuse I am responsible for my actions bit it is a cause and I wish people would truly understand what mental illness really is.

What makes you afraid to make amends? I mean, it will be difficult but it sounds like the right thing to do.

If you don't try to make amends they can conclude that you don't want to make amends because you said what you really thought and you don't care to change anything. The tension will remain indefinitely and healing will not occur.

If you decide to apologize, think about which of them will likely be the most forgiving and consider whether to approach them first. Do not use bipolar disorder, or any other physical or mental disorder that you may have, as an excuse or explanation. If you do, you will not be owning the words and the apology will come across as insincere.

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[Things are great with my fiance hes learning about mental illness right alongside of me. Yeah I don't figure they want me there it will have been 5 weeks since my blow up. Unfortunately they think they know about mental illness and they truly don't. He wants me to go with him and I'm scared bit I will do it I can prove to every e I'm trying to get better
QUOTE=Crazy Hitch;5708348]Oops. I'd say 2 weeks could be too soon, especially given it's a family reunion - they may not want you there. Sorry to be so blunt. I think you may have to give it a little bit of time whilst you adjust to all of this and your diagnosis. There certainly will be time to make amends and move forward from all of this as you stabilise and get well again.

How are things now with your fiancé?[/QUOTE]

Well it is quite possible that they won't accept it, even though you are trying to do the right thing. What would that mean for you?

If they don't accept it, at least you know, and they know, that you made the effort.

How does your fiance view the situation right now?

With regard to retaliation: What sort of retaliation do you fear? And how might apologizing make retaliation more likely?

Apologizing would let them know I'm willing to take full responsibility for my actions and let them know I'm truly sorry. Their retaliation would be possibly getting mouth and me getting defensive and if that happen I want to be able to accept it and not not get defensive back. I just want things to be ok again....

I understand. First of all, most people, have all run their mouths at one time or another and gotten way out of line. I know I have. probably nearly all of us on the forums have said things wrong, and if by blowing up at others we remove all abilities to get along no one anywhere would have friends and/or family to be with. Let that be an encouragement that most times, even running our mouths, it's not irreparable. Make amends ahead of time, reach out and apologize.