[justanotherdancer]

I've been with my son's father for over a year and I don't want to be in the relationship but every time I try to leave he threatens to take our son away and to ruin my life. I've been trying to leave since I was in my third trimester of pregnancy, but I had nowhere to go. We were happy together once, but when I was pregnant he treated me badly, spent all his time at strip bars and tried to leave with another woman one night. I've been trying to get away since then but he's making it very difficult. He uses my problems against me, threatens to have me put away, and says he could get full custody because I have nowhere to go and no money. He blames me for the things he did wrong and its exhausting to me. Its amazing how no one in my life ever takes responsibility for their actions. So my wrongs are my fault and their wrongs are also my fault. I try to leave my boyfriend and he says I'm breaking up our family when he's the reason I want to leave. This morning I told him I wasn't waiting around for him to get bored and chase after other women again and he said its my responsibility to make sure he doesn't get bored. WHAT? So basically he has a ready excuse to cheat. After all, whats the gauge of his boredom, right? I'm so tired of this $h!t. My ex treated me like crap for years but it wasn't his fault, it was his job, my personal issues, he was too young, and did I mention it was my fault? 6 months ago the person who abused me for years when I was growing up called to apologize. He had been through therapy in prison (not for what he did to me) and was still seeing a psychologist and he said asking my forgiveness was part of his therapy. I told him he ruined my life, i've never been normal and I've had serious issues for years and he said it was my fault I can't move on. So why apologize? He happens to be related to me, btw. And my mother has always said I'm a screw up and I don't take responsibility for my screw ups. Why cant he take some responsibility and explain to my mother why I wound up this way? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be posting a question. THis is more of an aimless rant. Once again my life is a horrible twisted mess and maybe it is my fault. Its hard to tell as everything always seems to be my fault.

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((((((((justanotherdancer)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. My heart goes out to you and your son.

Depending on where you live, there are places you can go to get away from an abusive relationship. There are women's shelters that will take you and your son in and help you get back on your feet. They will help with getting you the connections you need to start over in a safe environment. It will take work on your part also....it's never easy. But, the fact is, there are ALWAYS options!

I can see by your post that you have issues with low self esteem. Such a very common problem (I also fight it daily). In my own fight, I have learned that we can only feel guilty or take the blame for other's problems when we allow ourselves to do so. I know that part of the control an abuser has is to continually feed our low self esteem. (Been there, done that) But I am living proof to tell you that you can battle back and win. You do not have to accept their blame, or accept their responsibility for the way they act. They act the way they do because they want to....not because you make them act that way.

We cannot control what others think and do. We only have control over ourselves. When you accept that as truth, you can then begin to accept that only you can make the move to get out of your negative relationship and help yourself. There are people out there that are more than willing to help. Making the first phone call is difficult.....but so worth it in the long run.

If you truly wish to make changes in your life, then the change starts within you. Wishing others would change will only waste your life away. I pray you will find the inner strength to do what you feel is best for your and your son. I'm not saying that leaving is the right thing or not. All I'm saying is that only you know what is right.....search your soul and you will hear the answer.

I wish you peace, love and strength in your journey.

Hugsss
sabby

[mayshan]

Oh my gosh, reading your msg has opened my eyes up to see im not the only one out there with these problems.
I am in a relationship with a guy who can be AMAZING when he wants to be and when it suits him, he has been physically abusive a few times the most recent the worst where he strangled me and told me to call the cops, knowing full well i wouldn't. He doesnt let me see my family or hates being around them. Gets sh###ty when i talk to my friends, calls me ever mane under the sun and then appologises and says how much he loves me. But for some stupid reason i love him more than anything. I feel so confused and it takes up every moment of my day in thought. I dont know what to do, i know i should leave but will miss the companionship i guess.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))