Deeply need advice

Have anyone here dealt with infidelity in the past and decided to stay?? How did it turn out?? Was it difficult after a while?? Was an outside child involved or conceived?? How was your relationships with your in laws afterwards??

Sounds like a tough situation. Can't say I have any experience such as you describe. I hope you find a path that works for you.

Yes. My ex husband that I was married to for 15 years and had been together with for a total of 19 years had an affair last year. Difference is, he left me for his mistress.

To be honest, the damage was so far done in our relationship - I couldn't have gone back, regardless of whether or not he asked me to.

Why do you ask this question?

I've not had that experience but wanted to lend you my support and let you know I'm here if you need to talk.

My boyfriend cheated and conceived a child when we were 18/19 years of age and I decided to stay. We're 22 now and I hate to say it but I kind of regret it. Not because of him per say because he haven't been nothing but gold every since, but because of the situation I'm faced with. The drama I have to forever avoid, his family taking sides (it have not been evident, but just the fear), and I hate to sound selfish but bedsides his moma, I have yet another person who will foever come before me and she's not my own ( I lost my baby due to miscarriage). I still feel like I'm being cheated on, but it's his daughter this time but from the girl he cheated on me with. I act as it I'm unbothered, and most times I just deal because I'm chasing a thought that everything will get better and be okay one day. At first, I wasn't allowed around his daughter, according to her mother I'm still not but my bf have made a change on his part because he want me in his child's life, I thought I'll be difference if I am around her but no, my heart still sinks.... There are a thousand other red flags, which Ik if I'm not happy I should leave but he's really not doing anything wrong, I have no reason to leave him. And honestly, I'm scared that leaving him will cause more damage than staying because we love each other and Ik we will equally be just as hurt as the other.

Anything help right now.

Some situations just are what they are & the best we can do is run through the pros & cons & whatever decision we make & live with unless some radical change occurs. There is really nothing that can really help because the pain is in YOUR HEART & the only thing that can change that comes from within you....definitely not easy I understand

I think that you need to be very upfront and honest with your boyfriend on how this is all making you feel.

To be cheated on is one thing, but to have to face his child of an affair is something completely different.

You need to talk your feelings through with him, as the hurt you are feeling is legitimate.

This is a tough one, I have been there with my ex. We had been together 8 years when he went of and got another woman pregnant.
Difference is we had 4 children together and he had another two from a previous relationship. I had no issue with th older two. Because I had made the choice in the beginning.
But I really struggled with his infidelity and it leading to this child.
He told the woman he wasn't interested, and didn't want to know.
Thing is I never could stomach being intimate with him after that so....after another 2 years of trying to fix it we went out sesperate ways.

All the best for you and your future though.

When you realised, you never finished your post.

If you can't stomach it, it's unlikely to change over time with this constant reminder of what he did.
More over it isn't the kids fault, if you plan on hanging around you will have to deal with this child eventually.
Can you see yourself able to be a step parent to them without feeling hurt or bitter. Because try as you might kids spot this stuff, no matter how hard you try.

Really do wish you all the best.

If you're living with him, that's making you not feel free to leave him. If you're not living with him, hold off on that. 22 is young. You may change your mind about this relationship.

Thanks Erebos, Crazy thing is its not that I can't stomach it, I became pretty comfortable with it overtime and being shown that he was pretty sure he wanted to be with me. I also come from a family who accepts everyone, especially kids whether step kids, outside kids (meaning of an affair), kids of friends and neighbors. So I can sit and play with her all day, she will be 3 on the 29th. Since he has changed his act on allowing her to be around me regardless of her moms wishes, I've been around her maybe 5 times and on FaceTime with her multiple times. She's a sweet little baby, what got to me though was the fact that she acts different around his sister, her aunt and this was a bother to me because you are right kids pick up on a lot and they notice a lot so i took that in consideration because it almost felt like she was looking at her aunt for an "approval". I hope that don't sound crazy, she even hugged me and slide off my lap after looking at her aunt. Idk what that's about but I was kinda heart broken and uncomfortable after that. Ik they have to converse with her mom but I really worry that they take sides or like her more than me since I've distanced myself or whatever the case. And his sister is not very mature for her age and I sometimes classify her as messy. We don't like or condone in the same things. So that is where some of my discomfort lies.

Thanks All for taking the time out to reply with great advice. I also have a post named "In laws.!!!", if you guys want to know a little more of why this is becoming a little uncomfortable for me and continue to reply here if you like. Thanks so much it helps so much to talk about it, get it all out, and receive advice and encouraging words.