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  #26  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 10:49 AM
Anonymous52222
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
Still no one really said what are possible reasons someone would have no friends. What kind of deficits might you have?
Actually, plenty of people have given reasons as to why a person might not have friends.

Asking people to reveal their own social shortcomings might be asking too much out of people.

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  #27  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 11:02 AM
Sassandclass Sassandclass is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
Still no one really said what are possible reasons someone would have no friends. What kind of deficits might you have?


It seems like there's been a lot of good suggestions offered here. Some of them are:

A) Nothing's wrong with you and you just need to look at the following:

1) Overthinking may be making the act of making connections hard for you because of the anxiety it's causing you. Try looking into ways to stop overthinking friendships. (Google it and see where that leads you)

2) Join a meetup group or a sports team to find people that you meet up with regularly to build relationships

3) Try reaching out to people you've had initial contact with to hang out again, then again, and again, etc. That's how friendships are built. They say that it takes at least 100 hang out sessions to feel like you are very close friends. Try putting in that effort.

4) Try working on finding out who you are. What you like, what your hobbies are. Then you can connect with people over those things.

B) If there is some issue you're dealing with it could be:

1) Depression. Sometimes people who are depressed will find it hard to connect with people authentically because it's hard to "feel" anything but the depression. If this is you, I urge you to seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist

2) Perhaps you have an authentically introverted personality. Perhaps you are more so an introvert than an extrovert, so it takes more time for you to connect with people.

These are some suggestions.
  #28  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 11:33 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
Actually, plenty of people have given reasons as to why a person might not have friends.

Asking people to reveal their own social shortcomings might be asking too much out of people.
Many of us told you several ideas and suggestions what might be wrong and why people might not have friends . Not sure if you read them?

As about what exactly is wrong, I'd need to meet you in real life. It's impossible to diagnose people online.
Thanks for this!
MuseumGhost
  #29  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 11:35 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellyfish18 View Post
I do follow up but sometimes I am not "feeling it" and do it out of duty. Often the other person talks more and I just state the "general things" when I talk. Sometimes we meet, I could just be quiet and be pleased they are there with me even though silent, but you have to talk and I must force myself to talk. I feel anxiety when not talking (when I feel alone), worried when talking because it's like I'm cut off and must actively try to make a connection, anxious when I'm eating, about anything I do if I'm doing it right, worried when I'm walking, etc. etc. I even worry about sleeping because it's a nightmare that I'm so disconnected. And I never get to "closeness" with someone. If at least I knew what the issue is. If somebody said "you're a nasty person" at least I would know what to fix.
I might have interests. As said I was left on my own mostly and I did whatever I did, no questions, few ideas ... I was not treated with any empathy either, just forced and inappropriate "kindness" (like saying "it will be ok" when I feel awful instead of worrying, asking why or even doing anything about it). And just being treated like an autist and like it's normal.
I am thinking about it a lot but it is because it is an issue.
And yes ... it does not help that I do NOT know what to do in my free time???
Sometimes I pray it would end.
You might be having hard time finding what to do in free time because you have way too much free time. If for example you only had a day or two a week off as most people it would not be such a pressing issue.
  #30  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 02:22 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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We can't diagnose you. But there are possible medical reasons for your disconnect.

You need to talk with a psychologist. You could possibly be 'on spectrum' of Autism.

You keep referring to be neglected as a child. It might just be you haven't learned the skills and don't know how to connect.

You didn't respond to my question about if you ever had friends, people you enjoy being with. It sounds like you must be in your 20's. If this has gone on all your life, I'd think about it more seriously.
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  #31  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 04:15 PM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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For some of us making friends is very difficult.

My advice would be to get involved in a group (or groups) that interest you, and be willing to reach out to people there who seem lonely and don't have many (or any) friends. And know when you do reach out to someone like that, or someone reaches out to you, that there are going to be some awkward times, accept that and don't allow them to derail your potential friendships. And having friends also means being a friend, being supportive, helping them move when you really don't want to, and forgiving them for their faults and when they make a mistake.
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Thanks for this!
MuseumGhost, Sassandclass
  #32  
Old Jul 14, 2017, 07:44 PM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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You want to know what is wrong with you but you refuse to go to pdoc or T to get a REAL diagnosis of your problem. Instead you keep asking everyone here.

Honestly I believe your issues that keep you from having close relationships with other people can ONLY BE DIAGNOSED by a professional.

YOU SAY you are not depressed.
YOU SAY you are not on the Autistic spectrum (Aspie)
YOU SAY not CEN

What do the PROFESSIONALS HAVE TO SAY taking everything into perspective? You want answers????........then go to the professionals who can give you what you want & they have the TRAINED SKILLS to work with your issues or learn how to deal with them.

PC has never claimed to be able to tell people what is wrong with them.....you need to take ALL your issues to a professional & let them diagnose your problem & help you deal with it.

You are NOT going to get the answers you seek here because they can be nothing but guesses that will never be accurate.

Go seek your answers from a PROFESSIONAL who is really capable of knowing. There are many community psych facilities that are on sliding scale..... That are affordable.

You are living in a home with other people so you are paying rent so YOU HAVE MONEY. Use some of it for your own personal benefit with a professional who can REALLY HELP YOU get the answers you are seeking.
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Thanks for this!
divine1966, MuseumGhost
  #33  
Old Jul 15, 2017, 04:07 AM
Jellyfish18 Jellyfish18 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
We can't diagnose you. But there are possible medical reasons for your disconnect.

You need to talk with a psychologist. You could possibly be 'on spectrum' of Autism.

You keep referring to be neglected as a child. It might just be you haven't learned the skills and don't know how to connect.

You didn't respond to my question about if you ever had friends, people you enjoy being with. It sounds like you must be in your 20's. If this has gone on all your life, I'd think about it more seriously.
Yes I am in 20's. I did have friends but it always did feel like things could be better, I didn't have many at a time and often hung out one on one. Now that there is no school, I just do not know how to "be". It is a very serious issue. I have not had a long-term friend a while and now that I try to connect, it feels like something is missing and it is hard to keep conversations going. They are not as relaxing as they should be. This has been going on for probably an amount of years. Some older friends have seen me once and did not contact me again, nor respond..
Eskie in another thread I said I saw some workers, therapists and professionals. I did not get a diagnosis (I think it is lacking skills and background), do not have depression and I can explain my problems fine to older people, I am not autistic, I can read emotions etc. But I don't know if I can cope.

Last edited by Jellyfish18; Jul 15, 2017 at 04:33 AM.
  #34  
Old Jul 15, 2017, 10:05 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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I may be off track here, but I think with all the electronics, people all may be having a harder time connecting in person. I wonder if it's partly that.

You do have the ability to make/have friends because you have in the past.

There's nothing about you that screams out that you have any illness or disorder. You're just struggling, like so many others.
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  #35  
Old Jul 15, 2017, 11:45 AM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
You want to know what is wrong with you but you refuse to go to pdoc or T to get a REAL diagnosis of your problem. Instead you keep asking everyone here.

Honestly I believe your issues that keep you from having close relationships with other people can ONLY BE DIAGNOSED by a professional.

YOU SAY you are not depressed.
YOU SAY you are not on the Autistic spectrum (Aspie)
YOU SAY not CEN

What do the PROFESSIONALS HAVE TO SAY taking everything into perspective? You want answers????........then go to the professionals who can give you what you want & they have the TRAINED SKILLS to work with your issues or learn how to deal with them.

PC has never claimed to be able to tell people what is wrong with them.....you need to take ALL your issues to a professional & let them diagnose your problem & help you deal with it.

You are NOT going to get the answers you seek here because they can be nothing but guesses that will never be accurate.

Go seek your answers from a PROFESSIONAL who is really capable of knowing. There are many community psych facilities that are on sliding scale..... That are affordable.

You are living in a home with other people so you are paying rent so YOU HAVE MONEY. Use some of it for your own personal benefit with a professional who can REALLY HELP YOU get the answers you are seeking.
I fully agree with this. You need to be professionally evaluated and diagnosed. With all due respect, you keep asking the same questions no matter what advice people on PC give you. Best wishes.
Thanks for this!
MuseumGhost
  #36  
Old Jul 15, 2017, 01:57 PM
Anonymous59898
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I agree we absolutely can't diagnose or even speculate, the best we can do is support you - many of us have given our own experiences, how you are feeling is not unique - many of us have had that 'disconnect' in our lives.

You are describing what sounds like a lot of anxiety in relating to others, and I understand how that feels, it does tend to mean interactions are under more pressure. Are you seeking out ways to address the anxiety you are feeling (you wrote when walking/talking/eating)?
Thanks for this!
MuseumGhost
  #37  
Old Jul 15, 2017, 05:03 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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If you had easier time when you were enrolled in school, then why not get yourself on a similar situation again? You can do the same now. Such as enrolling in college or take few classes here and there or at least get a job. You'd be surrounded by people and maybe some people would click. Staying home isn't going to get you far.

As about diagnosis. You need to see a psychiatrist. No psychiatrist would tell you that staying in bed for 2 months is perfectly fine. It's not. Hence you need a diagnosis and perhaps serious treatment. But you can't demand total strangers on the internet diagnose you. That's not how it works.
Thanks for this!
MuseumGhost
  #38  
Old Jul 16, 2017, 03:41 PM
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MuseumGhost MuseumGhost is offline
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The sorts of experience you describe when trying to interact with people do sound reminiscent of a type of depression, and perhaps other issues. But you would need to spend time with a licensed practitioner, and be properly evaluated and diagnosed to be sure.

When social interactions become unsatisfying and you find yourself ruminating endlessly on this issue, it's definitely time to speak with a medical professional. Even if you have done so before, and come away with no diagnosis---get another opinion.
Thanks for this!
Sassandclass
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