A Short Rant

Your boyfriend isn't going to call animal control or clean the house. You both need some type of help to get it done.

If you're responsible, you'll take the time to screen through replies from Craigslist. I agree that you should not just give away your cats to a random "free to good home" ad, but there ARE ways are you ARE making excuses. By letting your boyfriend take care of everything and being totally passive in the process and letting your cats live and DIE at your place the way they are, you are participating in animal abuse via neglect.

I'm not saying this to try to be hurtful and I do understand this isn't your intention and I know mental illness plays a huge role in this. However, no matter how you look at it, your cats are experiencing animal abuse level of neglect. The line is drawn when your kitten dies from falling because that is NOT normal and can only happen with fading kitten syndrome.

It wouldn't be permissible to have children living in such condition. It is not ok for pets either. Adults is one thing, but defenseless kids and pets should not continue living like this.

Besides the cat issue which I agree 150 % with advice given over and over.

I have no idea how you can stand to get bitten over and over by fleas and god knows what else?

I know you have limited ability to actually do something but anyone can do 15 minutes of cleaning a few times a day..... the time your taking to respond here you could have accumulated a bag of trash to be tossed out.

I wish you would help keep your cats healthy, it's the least you can do.

How is your personal hygiene? Do you shower daily, how do you treat all your bites? Keep them clean ?

I understand not being able to do something due to limitations like OCD. But when safety of others (in this case cats) come to place, then it's time to surrender and ask/demand help. I'd tell my therapist to come see me at my house. Or I'd show her pics. Hopefully that would get ball rolling. When you see your pdoc show him the pictures. Show the one where you have cats crawling in trash. Tell him you need help. Please. You don't need anyone's permission to get help

Still, i think we need to try to be supportive.

We are. I said I understand how difficult it's to deal with things under the circumstances. No doubt. And that's why are making suggestions to what could be done. We wouldn't, if we weren't supportive. when it comes to neglect of children and/or pets I think we cannot sit around and pretend it's all good. Something needs to be done, hence suggestions to what op could do to get help

I don't figure he is, at least about the house cleaning. As for help, I've called some places, including ones that help hoarders clean up, and they told me they don't take small jobs (I don't think this is a small job) and it would cost "in the thousands" of dollars. We don't have that kind of money. And, they absolutely cannot do it without the homeowner's permission. You can call them excuses all you want, but I did make an effort to find out what I could or couldn't do. However, even if they didn't need my boyfriend's permission, he would be livid with me, and I need them to do things the way I need them to be done. I'm afraid he would make my property and me "dirty," as he told me he would if I crossed him.

And I want them to have good, loving homes. My boyfriend would have to vet the homes, because he's more experienced. I'd rather a shelter or rescue check, though, to make sure all bases are covered. We gave one kitten (now a fully-grown cat) to a friend of my boyfriend's, who is thriving and happy. The friend sends us photos sometimes.

I want to do what's best for the cats, but I also don't want to lose my home and property. I want to take them all to the vet for spaying/neutering, shots, worming, and whatever else they need. But money and being able to catch them are issues.

I thought I was asking for help from my psychiatrist and doctor when I told them. I don't know what I expected, but I thought they'd maybe want to talk to my boyfriend or something. I have described in detail and used words like "overwhelmed," "disgusting," and "unlivable." My psychiatrist has made faces at what I've told him.

People have told me I need (yet another) psychologist for therapy, so I had to search to find someone who says they treat OCD and take Medicare, but I found one, and I see him tomorrow. I don't know if he'll just talk to me like all the other psychologists did, or actually treat the OCD, but we'll see.

I'm just going to say, there's no point in responding to all this. I agree, the cats need to be in a better condition, but don't tell me "anyone" can pick up trash and basically function normally. You do not know my OCD. If contaminate myself and other stuff if I touched the trash. I can't do the rituals day after day.

I can't stand the fleas biting me. I use a lot of Repel. When the trash is mostly gone, my boyfriend wants to flea bomb the house as needed. He figures on putting the animals in the basement and sealing it off, so the chemicals don't get to them.

There's NO reason you cannot vet the homes yourself. You keep leaving everything up to your boyfriend and willing let yourself be held hostage. What you choose to do with your life is up to you, but this has an adverse effect on the cats who don't have a choice. There's a good chance that you cannot catch you cats because they don't trust you, given the condition of the house.

If you want to do what's best for the cats, there won't be a "but" to complete that sentence. Please contact the ASPCA and explain your situation. They regularly deal with hoarders and they avoid putting cats down unless they absolutely have to and will work with you for alternatives.

Please don't use a flea bomb if your cats are still in the house. Putting them in the basement will not be enough. They would have to be out of the house. Please please please find another way and don't let him dictate what to do.

Dont Use Flea Bombs or Foggers Until You Read This!

Actually, I was thinking that. I told him I wasn't sure that would be enough. Also, birds are extra sensitive to chemicals, and I really don't like the idea of putting our bird down there. I will stand up to him on this and not allow it. I can probably get our vet to back me up on this.

Are you in abusive relationship? It seems you are afraid of him. I understand certain things could be only authority of the owner like repairs but to get house cleaned or cats picked up you don't need his permission. I had a long term live-in relationship. We lived in his house. We had a cleaning lady and a cat sitter who watched our cat when we're out of town. Neither ever asked me if I own the house, and I was the one making arrangements. You cannot make repair or remodeling arrangements but no one asks if you are the owner of its other things need to be done.

You need to not describe but show pictures you showed us. Saying that your house is disgusting means nothing. I often say "my house is a mess I got to clean asap", it means nothing. My house isn't a mess, it's just not up to my standard at that moment. It means maybe I didn't put a pair of shoes away or didn't polish coffee table for a week. It doesn't mean anything.

Since you have contamination/cleanliness OCD and you say house is disgusting they maybe think it just not spotless enough. They might think it's all in your head. Show them pictures

I've told them there's cat poop and pee all over. I think I was pretty clear. I'd have to send the pics to his cell phone if he'd let me. I can't touch my phone in the psychiatrist's office, and the battery won't work for long unless plugged into an active charger. I'm giving my boyfriend the chance to keep his promise, one more time. I'm worried there are bills not being paid, or at least they're paid late, from phone calls we've had. I put him under enough pressure as it is.

I'm not in an abusive relationship, but he can be controlling sometimes. To get a team to get in here and clean the mess, they absolutely told me I need the homeowner's permission. And again, it's in the thousands of dollars.

Can you plug it in the outlet when in the office? Wear gloves? Send pics to psychiatrist or therapist email? Or cell phone? Tell psyc that you want to send pics. He'd come up with solution how to send them. It could be done.

I am sorry your boyfriend doesn't sound like he is up to the task.

Hun, it doesn't need to be physical abuse to be an abusive situation. He's abusing you by neglecting the cleaning and leaving you in a pig sty of a home. Worse than a pig sty, actually, as no self respecting pig would want to live in that squalor.

You need to first recognize that you're are in an abusive situation, and that you need to escape it. I know having OCD can be hard, and it complicates leaving any familiar area to go live in a new area you're not comfortable with, but enough is enough.

Honestly, you could be arrested for leaving your cats in the appalling condition they are living in. It's considered animal abuse to deny any animal a clean living environment (that means access to clean litterboxes at all times too), access to clean water and regular feedings, and basic medical care. You must also have all your cats spayed and neutered so that they don't reproduce at all. Having just one female and one male unaltered (aka not fixed) can rapidly spiral out of control and you will wind up with well over 2000 cats in 4 years time. You as a cat guardian are obligated to provide your cats the care they need, and deserve.

No access to clean litter boxes, feces and urine everywhere, who knows how regularly you or your boyfriend can get them their basic medical care, let alone regularly feed them and give them clean drinking water. These reasons, plus their feral state due to little to no socialization makes me think that it's a hoarding situation. I know you feel it's a dirty word, but it's hoarding, plain and simple. It doesn't need to be a large number of cats to be a hoarding situation. You need to recognize this, no matter how much you feel it isn't, it is. The first step in getting out of this situation is accepting that you have a hoarding problem via your cats, and that you need help. Call your local Humane Society ASAP as the longer your cats are exposed to the absolute filth they are forced to live in, the sicker they will become and the less able they will be to recover from their illnesses.

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for them. They never asked to be forced into such a situation and they can't get themselves out of it without your help. Please don't let such innocent lives suffer because of your mental health. It's just plain unfair to them.

Okay, I did a search of Adult Services, and the first result lead me to this page. Call the number of the branch that is in your area, and they should come to help you. Please call them. I can't stand to think of you and those poor cats living in the way you all do. It breaks my heart. I am a huge animal lover, and I feel you are too. If you care, which I know you do very much, you'll call the number ASAP.

Department of Human Services | New Jersey Adult Protective Service Providers

Cats are miserable in filth. Cats love clean environment. Do they not having clean litter boxes available? Poop and pee everywhere is animal abuse. I understand your struggle but cats didn't sign up for that. They are the ones suffering.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking... Ask him if I can send them to his cell. I don't hassle him between appointments, except for a couple of emergency prescription requests he'd forgotten to call in and a quick question, so I think he'd do it.

My psychologist appointment went pretty well, and he wants to see me next week, so I took it, even though my dentist will be mad I'm canceling again, but I feel this is more important. He took a lot of notes. That might just be a first couple of appointments thing, but it made me feel more confident.

I sometimes think it's abusive, but he would be livid to hear I think that, and people who know him would. He's a good guy overall, but fails in this aspect. I think it is comes from the home he grew up in.

I will let you know the cats are fed and given clean water regularly. But vet care is where we fall short, and, as said, cleanliness. I have asked my boyfriend to get them checked and fixed (since I'm on Social Security, I qualify for $10 spaying/neutering by my vet, as long as they have enough forms, which are limited, but not counting shots and other treatments), and I know he's struggling financially, too (I keep hearing and finding out about bills late), but I just want the best for my cats, I really do.

I'm giving him this one last chance, then I will be calling the officer from animal control (I don't know her number, but I know her name and can find the number). I don't want to give them all up, but you're right, something has to be done. I think I mentioned this, but five are fixed.

Speaking to the psychologist made me feel a bit better, even though there's still a lot to go over. I think it's cleared my head a bit.

I'm starting with the cats when my boyfriend gets back, giving him a short chance to fix this situation. I am scared, because I could end up regretting it--I don't want to lose my stuff--but something's got to change, and for the better.

I've seen this kind of situation on TV and recognize this isn't different--I've never not understood that. I just kept hoping it would get better. I don't know what's going to happen, but I do love my cats and bird (my boyfriend bought him many years before we moved into the house and got the cats). The cats were never meant to be indoor pets, but one got injured (NOT my fault) on a neighbor's fence, and we rushed her to the vet and she needed care inside, and she liked being with us at that time, although she also liked being outside.

I have to run and get some dry cat food, because the cat I just mentioned above seems to not be eating wet food and only (dry) treats, so I'm going to stop here for now.