[LiteraryLark]

I've always felt overshadowed by the accomplishments of my brother and I've always been considered simply "his sister". At school friends would come up to me and praise him, and at family holiday gatherings I'm never asked how I am or what I'm doing let alone carrying on a conversation, it's always what kind of exciting news I have about my brother, what he's up to, how he's been, where's he going, etc. I get angry thinking about family gatherings and I'm going back and forth with the idea of "never going again" to "prove to them I'm worth talking to".

I'm struggling with knowing who I am and what makes me an individual. What makes me unique? How do I become my own person? Where do I start the journey of self-discovery? How do I embrace my flaws and appreciate the good and the bad about me? What am I even looking for and how do I know I've found it? Are there any self-help books or workbooks that are worth checking out? Thank you.

[Miss Laura]

I have no answers for you unfortunately. I just wanted to say I'm in the same boat as you. I have an older Brother who has a family and an identical twin sister. I feel I'm the black sheep of the family. They both have great jobs while I'm on disability. It's frustrating. I'll be checking this post to pick up tips. But your not alone okay!

I had a similar problem with my sister when I was younger. The way I solved it was by doing something that was unique to me and only for me, that set me apart from her. It happened somewhat by accident, but I traveled to a foreign country to study for three months, somewhere she had never been. I returned a completely different person... I felt unique, I had a personal identity apart from her, and I had great stories to tell. Suddenly, people were listening to ME and I was no longer under her shadow.

A book that is more so on careers, What Color is Your Parachute, may be helpful... or perhaps the Myers Briggs personality test and book would be helpful -- I think this test can be found for free online. But really, it comes down to YOU discovering who YOU are through some self-exploratory means.... perhaps journaling it... what are YOUR interests, YOUR goals, and YOUR passions in life.. what do YOU want to pursue in life.. what are you good at, what are you best at, what comes naturally to you.... you can write all of this down as you're thinking it through. Perhaps set a goal for yourself.... and then pursue it. Achieve something that is all your own and apart from your brother. Once you start to focus more on yourself and not on your brother's accomplishments, you will start to feel better and more unique.... you ARE unique and have special gifts in this life that only you own, and not him and not anyone else. The key is to discover what those gifts are, and it can be an exciting, exhilarating experience of self discovery.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

I've always felt overshadowed by the accomplishments of my brother and I've always been considered simply "his sister". At school friends would come up to me and praise him, and at family holiday gatherings I'm never asked how I am or what I'm doing let alone carrying on a conversation, it's always what kind of exciting news I have about my brother, what he's up to, how he's been, where's he going, etc. I get angry thinking about family gatherings and I'm going back and forth with the idea of "never going again" to "prove to them I'm worth talking to".


I'm struggling with knowing who I am and what makes me an individual. What makes me unique? How do I become my own person? Where do I start the journey of self-discovery? How do I embrace my flaws and appreciate the good and the bad about me? What am I even looking for and how do I know I've found it? Are there any self-help books or workbooks that are worth checking out? Thank you.

!!
A lot of what you're writing seems to talk about "shame" about who you are and shame that you're not more like your brother.
With that in mind, a book that I HIGHLY recommend (and has really helped me) is called "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. It talks about toxic shame and how to overcome it. How to love yourself for who you are, and how to embrace your unique self. How to live a fulfilling life. Honestly, it's the best self help book I've ever read. It's life changing I wish you all the best! Pm me if you'd like someone to talk to.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate a bit.. (although not on the older brother part). I hope you'll be able to find your identity and purpose

I relate to almost everything you said here. High school was awful! My big bro is here visiting and it feels like there is no space. I always wanted to live in NY but he lives there and lately, I feel I need so much space that I need to live all the way across the country in LA. I've even been thinking of leaving the U.S. I need to put him out of my mind and see him not as my family sees him (sacrosanct) but as a mediocre idiot still trying to find his way. I've always felt the need to be alone, away from family, because they don't even know me. Not saying this is what you should do, or that I have figured out the solution, just felt like sharing

[avlady]

You are important and respectful and try to not dislike yourself just because you're not paid much attention to because of your brother. You and only you can be your true self. you were born with gifts even if you are not sure of them right now. Look for truth in yourself and be true to yourself and don't let what others say have much bearing on who you are to yourself. To me it is a confusing concept and can't quite wrap my head around it complely and i am confused right now as to the advise i just gave you myself. It just sounded revelent at the moment!!!good luck

[Sunflower123]

I'm trying to rediscover myself and my identity after being married for 20 years starting at 20 years old and being a full time mom to an only child who just left for college. I am divorced (for many years). I'm on a new journey of self discovery and not sure where to start either. My therapist can help me I hope.

I was the "golden" child of my family and always, always played down my accomplishments so as not to hurt my brother or sister. It's a tough position to be in all the way around. I hope you can find some peace and healing. Sending big hugs.

[Erebos]

I kind of get this, although it's a bit different for me. I come from a family of talented black sheep.
They are all pretty broken fkt up individuals.
But all are talented artists, musicians photographers illustrators.
Then there's me, Jack of all trades, master of none.

Not so much the white sheep, as the slightly grey sheep of the family.
To be raised in a family where every one is gifted and are leaning on you telling you how lucky you are not be weighed down a complex creativity. How fortunate I am to see clearly without all the heightened emotional distortion that they are inflicted with. ( eye roll).
To be fair my brother is the only one who doesn't behave like this despite his exceptional talents. But then he is more fkt up than most.

I think I gave up trying to discover my niche, and just decided to get on with things as best I could.
I still feel like I am missing something, I keep hoping that one day something will magically click and I will discover my gift....whatever the he'll that is.

[Bill3]

(((((Jennifer 1967)))))

(((((Erebos)))))

I know from experience that people who talk allot about their lives and experiences can have people interested in them.
I can't give much advice as I know how it feels. I personally seek value alone for my personal strengths.