Relationships Appear to Trigger my Anxiety/Depression! What Gives!?

Hello folks,
As the title of the thread suggests, serious relationships seem to cause me a great deal of anxiety followed by an intense period of depression. All of my relationships seem to end because I get completely overwhelmed with anxiety. I then become very depressed once things go sideways from the anxiety and the relationship ends.

A little backstory, I’ve generally always stuck to the casual hookups (bars, clubs, etc.) and stayed away from relationships. This is definitely not healthy but it just seems to work out this way as I’m a male in my 20’s with a bachelor pad in the city.

After the one-two month marker in a relationship I always feel like I run out of things to say or do. It always feels after that time frame I have nothing further to add to the relationship. The anxiety then ramps up and I start to convince myself they are better than me in every way possible. It gets to the point where I even begin to question my ability outside of the relationship such as at work or doing simple things like reading a book or the paper. It then escalates to the point where that is the only thing occupying my mind and I seem to be lost in this sort of ‘brain fog’, if you will. It’s around this time we usually break-up. I then spiral into a deep, deep depression and lose all interest in everything. The depression part is absolutely devastating. So bad to the point where you don’t get out of bed and it definitely interferes with your performance at work and relationships with your friends. It will take quite a while for me to rebuild my confidence again and get back to a sound mental state after this collapse.

I take meds. for anxiety and depression. I’m also starting to see a psychologist to try and get to the bottom of this. Also, the girls who I seem to get into a serious relationship with are the high achievers with type A personalities who most likely want to ‘wear the pants’ in a relationship. I’m sure this doesn’t help my problem but it’s still no reason to implode like how I have.

Has anyone has experienced similar problems and if so, what did you do to correct it? Or if anyone has any suggestions they think might help that would be appreciated too.

FYI, I’m very much not gay. That would seem like the obvious answer here but that’s not the case lol.
Thanks

Hello. Welcome to PC. I don't have any suggestions. Just wanted to lend my support and let you know I'm sorry you're having a tough time with relationships. It's very brave that you're picking yourself up and keep trying. I hope the tdoc helps you resolve this issue. Sending big hugs.

Welcome to PC

Did your mother or father have anxiety or depression? Was your mother a Type A personality? I think most of our mental issues are rooted in our genetics and childhood. If we have unresolved issues from childhood, sometimes we repeat these negative patterns and don't even realize we are doing it....

Perhaps you are getting into serious relationships with the wrong types of women if you experience such extreme anxiety and dysfunction. Maybe over achievers and type A are completely wrong for you.

Maybe work on this in therapy first, get to the bottom of it, then seek out people (when you are ready again) who are more on equal ground with you.

I've been looking back on my childhood a lot lately and I've I've realized my mom could be very negative and was definitely prone to anxiety.

I am thinking you have internalized some negative messages about yourself? Perhaps your mom had a similiar problem that you are mirroring? Is she the type of person who might be willing to talk about these things with you? She may remember things about your childhood that you do not. Has she been treated for anxiety? I hope you can ask her. It is hard to know if any of this is about the women you have dated. Your struggle seems mostly internal to me but it is hard to relay everything in postings.....

Thanks for the reply. I think you are certainly right with regards to the type of woman I've dated. However, as a guy I feel incredibly embarrassed this happens -- regardless of the type of woman I've dated.

Thanks for the reply. My mom is very open and I have talked to her about this. I think you are right, I think most of this is caused by a very low evaluation of myself that I need to correct.

Yes, somehow, you are getting triggered and it is making you downward spiral, but please don't be embarrassed - no reason to be. We all have our own issues to contend with. Perhaps work on your self-worth and self-love.. embrace you for all the wonderful qualities you have....write them down, even, and ingrain them in your head, your spirit and soul. It's a process working towards greater self-love, but it's well worth it. Then, someone cannot knock you off your feet so easily, no matter who the person is.