Frustrated. My cousin Sarah keeps Facebook messengering me to want me to do things with her. Sarah doesn't work so she has plenty of time. I have turned her down repeatedly and she doesn't get the hint. The truth is... she makes me feel bad. Spending time with her makes me feel bad for weeks afterward. She is a know it all and always talks down to me. She also acts like I have some agoraphobia disease and that is why I don't go out with her. So when we are out she will ask things like "are you ok". I just cannot get her to stop. And I can't figure out a way to get out of it. I should remove her from Facebook completely but I like her enough that I want to see what is going on in her life. I just cannot tell her the truth because I know it would hurt her feelings.

On that note, I have the same problem in my job. I have a co worker that I just really don't like. She acts like I have a real problem with her barging into my office but, that isn't really it... I just don't really like her. I would prefer a much less close relationship with her but she just isn't getting it. At one point we ended up in the cafeteria at the same time for lunch and then, she would check in to see if I wanted to walk with her to the cafeteria and then we would eat seperately, now she keeps wanting to eat together. I have managed to stop that but she keeps pushing. And doesn't get the hint. Friday I "cheated" on her and went to lunch with another friend and she was hurt. And what did I get? She blabbed a few things to get me into trouble. Out loud she said that I said something about someone else, that I didn't say. She absolutely did that on purpose to embarrass me. I corrected it but... can you say manipulation? Everytime she sees me when I am trying to avoid her she goes "are you ok?" making it like I am sick or something because I don't want to talk to her.

You will notice both these people enjoy saying "are you ok" -- to me that is code for.. if you reject me, I will make you out to be a nut.

Anyway, really kind of had it... and am about to take a nutty.

[Shazerac]

Double post

[Shazerac]

Dealing with an annoying coworker sucks she's trying to bully you into having a relationship with her.

She's obviously not going to take a hint. I'm curios about what you said about about her barging into your office. If you have an office it's not ok for someone to barge into it friend or not. Only the boss can get away with that *****

Saying things you afraid someone doesn't want to hear is never easy. The truth is they may get hurt or even angry, but you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. If this coworker seeks revenge by lying about you I would confront her about the lying, and if that doesn't work, go to HR?

The same with your cousin Sarah. There is a way out. It's called honesty....and it's hard as hell to do. You may hurt her feelings, but again you need to take care of your needs. If you don't ...who will?

[Sunflower123]

I sympathize. I agree with Shazerac. It is hard to be honest when you might hurt somebody's feelings but if they're mature (Sarah) you may end up even closer. Good luck and best wishes.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

. If this coworker seeks revenge by lying about you I would confront her about the lying, and if that doesn't work, go to HR?

Absolutely. I have made clear before she shouldn't barge in, but she does anyway. She will knock and I won't say come in and she comes in, and I am like... did I say you could come in... but now she has made it like this is a cute little joke between the two of us.

I don't want to go to HR because what can they do about it really? They can't move me, it would be embarrassingly obvious (since I haven't moved in 14 years) this woman just started and there is no place to put me.

Maybe I don't even know how to be honest. I have gone on my whole life not wanting to hurt other people's feelings and hoping they will get the hint, I don't even know how to begin but I have to do something.. this continues to happen.
I get scared it is me. I sometimes am very friendly with people because I want people to like me, from a distance, but they can't see the "from a distance" part.

[divine1966]

Oh yeah I have met same exact people.

I like how they think something is wrong with you because you don't want to see them.

I knew this woman who wanted to be friends but I just didn't like her company (too negative know it all type) plus I was too busy at the time. So I'd tell her that unfortunately I am too busy at this time, which I really was. I eventually stopped responding to her phone calls so when she finally got me to answer the phone she asked if the reason I don't go out with her is that I am depressed. It was so bizzare my jaw dropped. First of all I have never been depressed in my life, I am not prone to depression and second of all how is me not wanting to do things whth her translates to ME having a depression?

I also had a coworker (she eventually was transferred to a different building as principal had enough of her nonsense) who was mad that me and other colleague, who I am friends with outside of work, would go to lunch or dinner without her. On our own time! Not work time! It was crazy. One day we had half day and left at noon so instead of going home we went to lunch. She overheard us I guess and went to board office to file grievances against us. I am not kidding. Of course she wasn't allowed to file grievances against colleagues who meet up AFTER work hours to do whatever the heck they want.

What's wrong with some people?

[Fuzzybear]

I just could not successfully duck my cousin. Finally in desperation I am set to meet with her tomorrow at my workplace and we will pick something up in the cafeteria. If it is nice enough, hurricane jose is still in the area, we will sit out on the ocean. But it is such a struggle. I didn't want to do it tomorrow. What is the point of her coming to have lunch with me if we don't have a nice sunny day to sit out on the ocean. I work on the ocean. But she won that battle. (so I am presuming she has something to do next week).

But after making the appointment I realized that by having her come into my workplace I am likely to have a problem. It is a problem that has happened to me before. Everyone in my workplace likes me and will be friendly. It is my turf. That is likely going to be an issue. Blurg I am not looking forward to it. She also could embarrass me. She is super good at that.

In confirming she said something like have you ever seen the blah blah chandelier? I can show you. No, I have no interest in the blah blah chandelier. She is always doing that. She wants to see art exhibits and wants someone to go with. So she is always asking if I want to do these things. I always decline. The truth is.. I Hate art, I hate music and I think it is all dumb and pointless. But she is always bringing it up.

The level of desperation she must have to continue to keep doing this I do feel compassion but, I also feel resentment. She doesn't want to know about me or my life or have lunch with me... she just wants to try to get me to do what she wants. It is all just an attempt to get me to go to an art exhibit with her.

She is loaded money wise so I probably should do something with her but I don't wanna.

[divine1966]

Suggest to her to sign up with social type of meetup. The one that goes to art exhibits. She doesn't need you to go to art exhibits. In fact why go to art exhibits with people who hate art?

On the different topic though I've never ever met a perso who hates art. I understand maybe particular genre of art but not art in general. Or music. I don't know much about music but can't imagine hating it either. I never thought it is even possible. So confused on this one.

But anyways just eat lunch with her and be done for awhile. Treat it as family obligation

Originally Posted by divine1966

On the different topic though I've never ever met a perso who hates art. I understand maybe particular genre of art but not art in general. Or music. I don't know much about music but can't imagine hating it either. I never thought it is even possible. So confused on this one.

I went it was horrible. Again, only there to see if I wanted to go on a travel trip with her and another cousin.

Well, I will narrow what I said about music. I just have never been a "music" person. I don't like going someplace to "listen to music" -- never been to a rock concert on purpose. And was only dragged to various conservatory type things as a kid. I don't like classical music unless it is good classical music and then why not get a CD. I don't have a radio or speaker for my i pod and am happy to listen to music I like on some old tinny head phones. But she, and all my extended family seem to feel that there is no greater divinity that sitting down someplace and listening to... typically bad renditions of classical music. Despite turning her down over and over and over and over she continues to ask.

With regard to art.. I don't know what you would call me.. but I can safely say I have never seen any art -- ANY -- that impressed me. I find it all overrated and a waste of time. Now I might consider going to like the Louvre but I would imagine that would be because of the historical significance of the art pieces. But I would never go to the Louvre all by itself. Just it would be a stop on a tour of Paris.

[~Christina]

What do you enjoy doing ?

Originally Posted by ~Christina

What do you enjoy doing ?

Kind of nothing but home improvement, history travel, going out to eat, real estate investing etc. She is on my Facebook page so she should know that I don't post about art, music or traveling to the west to look at rocks for three weeks.

Also bizarre.. she constantly says that she understands what it is like to be a working girl (because she used to be one) but she completely does not understand. Her proposal was for me to use all of my three weeks of vacation to go on a trip out west to look at rocks. Now I get it because she travels for a living... she writes articles on travelling so she has been to all the main spots. But I am not using my three weeks of vacation per year to pay 3K for a trip out west to look at rocks. She went on and on about the fact that i post photos of my vacations but all my vacations have been to major cites and generally were short. 3 days tops. And my last vacation was in 2012. I have just gotten tired of going.

The point is she always contacts me with proposals that I just have zero interest in - which is annoying because it is obviously a using you situation and doesn't seem to get the hint.. as I have turned down numerous opportunities.

[~Christina]

She's very pushy , I'm sorry.

I say enjoy yourself with things you like to do and maybe " forget" to respond to her calls and texts.

Enjoy your life !

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I say enjoy yourself with things you like to do and maybe " forget" to respond to her calls and texts.

Yeh I guess I am going to have to. It is so sad that it has to be that way.

[divine1966]

Everyone likes different things. I can't stand pushy people like this.

I had several friends like that and eventually I cut or limit contact. I had to limit my interactions with old friend who insisted every year that I should fly to this one destination and we should rent a car and drive around in montains with her and other friend. I don't want to do that. I love to travel but not with girlfriends and not to drive in mountains. She also insisted a year after year for the past 10 years that I must inform her when I visit my daughter because she'll fly there too and we will hang out. The answer is always NO. And she is always mad about it. I now only respond to her once in 6 months.

People just can't take no for an answer.

Since it's a family it's harder to cut contacts so you might reply once a year with merry Christmas. Good enough