What's a healthy relationship?

I'm in my forties too. I was quite enjoying being older. My writing was going well... I finally sort of understood how to do it. Then everything just crashed.

My female best friend died of an epileptic seizure about a year and a half ago, very unexpected, and I have been crazy ever since.

I've never even heard of kratom tea. I will look it up, thanks.

I'm glad you feel you've moved away a little from the edge.

Sorry about your friend. My bestie drank herself to death. I wan't to cry every time I think about her. I miss her so much. I loved her more than I ever thought I did my ex, but in a different way entirely. She was the only person that heard my ex's crap and decided that she was just not possibly right.
My ex pushing me to that edge was a huge factor. I never stood a chance as long as I was with her.

Thanks. I appreciate that.