So frustrating (long)

So still nothing is getting better. Yea we have good days but the overall picture is not right. I still have needs that aren't being met and every time I talk to my husband about some of the issues we either end up arguing and then he'll say that he will work on things or that he'll try but it never happens. Nothing is getting better and I'm still without my needs being met. At this point I just don't feel like he's truly that interested in me anymore. He says otherwise but his actions don't show it. We barely have an intimate bond if any at all, physical or emotional. He keeps saying he hasn't changed but this is not who he used to be. I know I'm not perfect but I am still very passionate about him and I don't feel that from him. I can't open up to him emotionally because then I end up feeling worse because the arguments that it causes and as far as physical intimacy goes he gives me a peck if one of us is leaving somewhere and with sex there isn't a whole lot to it. 5min he's done and ready to move on to something else or it just doesn't happen. It's like I'm a burden because I take too long. He doesn't have the patience for it. And he doesn't like doing any of the extra stuff. So at this point I don't even see the point in trying to be physical with him because then I just end up frustrated and depressed feeling. I'm starting to feel like something is wrong with me for wanting to be sexual how it was before. I've been going to therapy for all of my issues and it's helps a little but I'm just doing it alone so it doesn't help the relationship. I have even asked him about opening our relationship but that definitely did not go over well. And he says he won't go to therapy because he doesn't need it. So I'm just here going crazy inside because I'm at a lose. My therapist has asked if saying in my relationship is something I can be ok with if nothing ever changes but I can't imagine leaving. It's not that simple and I am still in love with him. But I also can't imagine living like this forever and I keep holding out hope that things will get better and so far they aren't. Even thinking about things being this way next summer makes me feel depressed. It all just makes me feel like I'm crazy. Like I feel crazy just for writing this. I had a friend who helped with my emotional needs but feelings started to form and so I cut the relationship. My husband knows about it. We talking about it and about my needs and he agreed that he could be here for me how I need and he's still not making an effort. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep going to therapy but what good is it when I'm doing it alone. All of this is stressful and it just triggers my episodes which just make me feel worse and taking meds won't help because all the underlying issues would still be there. What would you do? What am I going to do? I have not idea. I just want it to be better how it was before. I know he loves me but I'm not so sure he's in love with me. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading though. I just needed to talk to someone.

Maybe a separation away from each other might be good.

When I left my H 10 years ago, I never thought about him while I was away. 2100 miles away fixing up the farm I bought to move into. He was welcome IF & ONLY IF changes were made. He came, we tried, I kicked him out.

He didnt want divorce but was incapable of change & I could no longer tolerate his behaviors....financial, communicatio & emotional connection. All had been lacking for the 33 years but finally was able to leave.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. i have no advice to give except to say that everyone deserves to feel loved and desired by their partner. You deserve someone who can be there for you emotionally and make you feel desired and beautiful.

I'm sorry that your H is not that person.

Seesaw

I’m sorry you are feeling lonely and frustrated. I wish I had some advice to give, but I don’t, but what I can say is that we at PC are here for you. Relationships are hard no matter what.

I agree with seesaw. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

I know you guys are probably right but I can't just leave my husband. We have 4 kids under age 8 and honestly I'm too dependant on him and it's my own fault. If I did decide I wanted to leave him I could never make it on my own. I don't have a degree so I couldn't get a high paying job I'm only a licensed cosmetologist. I really don't want to have to leave because I do love him so much. I just want to fix this I just don't know how.

I didn't say you should leave him.

I think the only hope is if the two of you can get into couples therapy together.

Seesaw

The only reason I suggested depsration is because for some guys its a WAKE UP CALL that there is something briken that needs to be fixed. If he really loves you but wont go to therapy, sometimes separation will make them see yoyr REALITY. Some men need to be hit over the head before they will be willing to lusten to their wife especially is there is any feeling they have of superiority.

Usually finally getting their attention will get them into the therspy the marriage needs to survive.