Just needed to get this out (TMI)

There has been a lot going on with me the past few weeks to months. I've been emotionally not doing well at all. Since all the stuff that happened with my husband I figured I would just try not to think or feel anything so I've just been stuffing my feelings deep down and it has helped calm things in my house, we were finally able to get back into a rhythm I guess. Well the day before yesterday I slightly let a little bit of feeling slip out because I tried to cuddle with my husband but of course nothing happens how id like that didn't happen. He never initiates anything and when I try its like he doesn't want to. Of course he like for me to play with his hair or rub his back which I do in hopes that maybe he'll be more open to doing the same with me or holding me. Anyways yesterday I just wanted to be close to him, I figured maybe if i ask if we can be physically intimate that he'd show some affection towards me. He said its up to me whatever I wanted to do, no excitement about it. So there was no foreplay or after play. He just wanted to get right to it. Lasted maybe 5 min. He didn't seem to care that I had needs. There was no affection no passion no feelings. I just felt worse after than I did before. But I guess that's what I get for letting my feelings back in. He's always telling me that he loves me but there is no emotion to it. There are no emotions in is actions towards me. I mean it's been this way for awhile and just keep feeling like there is something wrong with me for feeling like it should be different. Talking to him about it does no good. I have previous other posts related to this issue. I guess for now I'm just going to go back to putting my thoughts and feeling away. It does no good. Just makes me feel depressed. (TMI) I don't think I'll be engaging in anymore sex either, it's too emotionally painful, not to mention he doesn't initiate that anyways so it will be easy to avoid. I guess again I just needed somewhere to talk about this. I think this will be my last post for awhile even though there are so many other things in my head but I don't want to completely open the flood gates up because I may not be able to re-close it again. So here's to not thinking or feeling. Everyone is better off this way. Thanks for listening (reading)

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I do not advise stuffing down and ignoring your feelings and needs though. I completely understand the desire and need to do so because it may be too painful. Have you thought about couples therapy? Not sure if you're looking for replies here on this, but that is one thought at least. If it were me, I would want my needs to be met. You deserve that. (((((hugs))))))

I know it's probably not healthy but I have tried so much and so hard this past few months to be heard and I have gotten nowhere. He won't go to the counseling. Feel is painful but I'm mostly stuffing them down because it keeps my household happy. He is happy when I'm not nagging him about my needs, I can be a better mother when I'm not preoccupied by trying to get my needs met. So I'm just trying to make my family happy. Fake it till you make it, right?

I understand, though this makes me sad. But yes, I suppose sometimes we fake it til we make it.... though if it were me, I'd probably be having a fit over not getting affection, sex or emotion from my spouse. (((((Hugs to you)))))). You gotta do what makes sense for YOU and what you are most comfortable with.

Well that's thing. I basically was throwing a fit about it all before. Not like a literal tantrum but you know what I mean. I would try and talk about often. Bring things up, make suggestions. It didn't help. We just argued a lot.

I am sorry you are hurting. ��

UGH. Well then I would say your husband isn't being a very good husband to you if when you tried to talk about your needs, it turned into arguments. Love involves tending to each other and giving each other what you need. It goes both ways. Your husband is being neglectful of you. I am so sorry..... I don't want to stir up your emotions either by saying this. I just really feel for you.

Hi Dshantel, sorry to hear that you're being put through this. It is unfair. I know you said "fake it till you make it", but there is so much faking you can do. And you're hurting yourself as well by trying to repress your emotions. What you said reminded me of a situation with my ex where it seemed like his feelings towards me changed, I love you's seemed cold and affection dwindled. He would claim everything was fine and I tried keeping it together until it fell apart post him betraying me. I am not at all saying your husband will do anything like that, but the one lesson I learned was to take care of me, love me, and keep my cup full so I could be my best. As well as to trust my instincts, which told me from the jump that this man did not love me if he was able to treat me like that, eventually his actions showed me the truth and altho he apologized and tried changing afterwards. I was done.
It sounds like you have children, I know that too complicates things, but imagine if you had a little girl going through this, what would you want for her.. or advise her? Whatever it is, do this for yourself.
Wishing you the best and sending you lots of hugs <3

Thanks! What I would tell my daughter is not something that I myself can do. I really hope that my children grow up to be just themselves and not what anyone else wants them to be. I'm just really hoping that we can overcome this.

I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting the intimacy that you need in your relationship and that your husband won't do anything to help solve the problem. I imagine that it's a lonely situation for you. It's okay to leave. You don't owe it to your kids to stay with their dad. A parent owes their kids being civil to the other parent and parenting cooperatively with them (as long as the other parent isn't abusive or something like that) but that's it. If you stay with him, they may eventually pick up on the unhappiness in the relationship, think that being unhappy in a relationship is normal, and stay in unhappy relationships themselves in the future.

I realize that it's ok to leave. I don't want to give up though. I really do love him. Also I'm not in a financial situation to take care of my 4 kids alone.