Cyber Stalking: The Online Threat

Matt Lauer is a good example of an individual who established an identity that gained trust from individuals around him. And yet he stalked and was a predator. Bill Cosby was so highly regarded and shocked so many when it finally came out about how evil he could be. Neither one of these individuals looked like the monsters they were either. These individuals behaved badly for YEARS before the truth finally came out about them. And even though the truth has come out there are individuals who will say, "We are still friends and I miss him". These individuals don't even know how to grieve what they themselves lost in their trust and unknowing.

I have witnessed this happen IRL first hand and it's just mind boggling.

I feel I might have something to add to this, but I don't really know how.

I felt obsessively in love twice in my life. Both times I was rejected. Both times, that person would still be on my mind for years. If I lost my concentration, I would suddenly find myself fantasising talking with that person. My sexual fantasies would inevertedly switch to them, because any other fantasy wasn't satisfactory. I would have a period where I wouldn't be thinking about them. And then I suddenly would have one dream a week about them. When you do dream about them, the escacy of the illusion of being in their presence is so great, all you can do for hours is try to go back so sleep and hope for the dream to continue.
I also couldn't help save pictures of them and google their names every once in a while. I would also recall all my memories of them, and be grateful of having them. I only send one of them a message on fb, after 7 years of not seeing that person. She didn't reply, but added me as a friend on Facebook months later. Still no reply. I only messaged her because my deep feelings for her died down as they were ignited by another.

So for me, it is not a choice. A part of them lives inside of me and is with me every day. And if feels like they have a puzzle piece I need to fix myself within them. But if they found out, that would freak them out. And as a kid you only learn that love is supposed to be the best thing ever that can save everything. I would sacrifice everything for their happiness. I would die for them, so they can be happy. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. But all they want is me not to get in their way. So I understand and battle my feelings instead.

I am a naieve person who never touched a woman. All I want is for the other person to be happy, as my happiness seems impossible, at least when it comes to romance. But I understand. If I were them, I wouldn't pick me either.

But the intensity of my feelings must be scary if the other person knew about it. I guess it must be similar to what happens with stalking males. Like I said, I am very naieve. I do not fully understand how vulnerable woman can be. It took me a long time to fully understand that females can be scared of traveling alone at night.
Things like #Metoo remind me of that as well. These manipulating men to seem to be completely lacking from my life. At the same time, it reminds me of how careful woman must be and how that relates to how they may interpret me. If they would detect the intensity of my feelings, that would probably be unsetteling. Especially as some people here say some of these men are really good at hiding how dangerous they can be.

So I would say that you shouldn't underestimate what is happening in someone else's brain. A stalker may be in a positive feedback loop, where they create a fictional version of you in their mind, and that fictional version lives inside them and to them is a real person that they interact with every day. They don't need to meet you to keep the fire going. But all interactions you do have with them can fuel the fire even more. They may take on interaction with you, play it out over and over in their fantasy.

Talthybius— I have this too! I believe it is OCD/PTSD/ADHD related.

It’s harmless to the object of the secret obsession, but so harmful to the one obsessing!

"Horrid, awful people"? Way to generalize on a mental health forum.

It's true in that generalizing can happen when it comes to how human beings can discuss something that is challenging like this. I think it's an effort to try to simplify a challenge so it doesn't seem so ominous.

That’s why couple of people asked what’s this thread about. Seems like lots of generalized comments about delusion and psychosis and wrapped minds and fringes of mental illness etc generalized diagnosing of stalkers? Seems like very generalizing comments.

There is another thread that touched on this; the question of revealing personality, personal information, or both.

One needs to be vigilant about this. If you are unable to block a stalker that could be an indication you are revealing too much about yourself.

So too, I suggest that we need to evaluate our own social media habits. Personally, all my social media 'friends' are individuals I have actually met in real life. Anytime we accept a 'friend' elsewise is a risk to consider.

True, but whenever interacting with other human beings one can actually come across individuals who can be delusional, psychotic, have warped minds and be on the fringe of some kind of mental illness.

The examples I posted are an example of how individuals can seem so trustworthy and normal and yet have a whole other side to them that they keep from sharing with others that can actually be quite toxic. I shared these examples simply to show how anyone can be deceived, even by someone they really thought they knew and could trust.

Interacting with other human beings is always a challenge and all we can do is learn our own mistakes that we may not have realized we made and do our best to try to not engage with individuals that can challenge us to engage in some kind of toxic scenario. This relationship forum is full of scenarios where different members have shared how a friend, spouse, family member they thought they could trust had a part of them that they never knew existed and have been blindsided. Depending on what a person experienced it can have a huge affect on how that person can find a way to trust again.

It's hard to know who you are quoting. Not everyone om this thread has generalized, and even if one person did generalize, this thread has served for people to share their experiences and understand how to protect themselves and do self care.

You are right. We all encounter dangerous people.

But the entire thread didn’t appear to be about sad experience that the person had in hands of specific individual with specific diagnosis and they needed support. This thread starts by general warning about horrid and awful people with specific mental illness diagnosis.

It’s like if I posted thread “I want to warn you against horrid awful people out there with (insert diagnosis)”, I’d probably be warned that this is wrong. If the person wants to discuss stalkers it’s fine, but why mass-diagnosing them?

Artchic, the OP.

I have read this whole thread again and can't find the original quote of "horrid, awful" people other than the poster who put it in quotation marks.

They quoted original very first post. I by no means condone stalkers, i could see though how it could be a little bothersome that there was list of diagnoses attached to definition of “horrid awful” people. I could see how it could be bothersome to people who might have one or more of the diagnoses listed

First post. I think all by itself it’s fine but since there was s list of diagnoses attached in a previous paragraph it kind of appears as people with all those mental illnesses are “horrid and awful”. Maybe it’s just how it appears

Okay, thank you. I found it.

Here's the thing, people who abuse you do appear.to be horrid, awful people to you. Do you want me to say, oh, my dad was a nice guy though, even though he beat me and abused me all those years...no, he's a horrid, awful person. Is there stuff wrong with him? Sure. Could he get help and change? I suppose. But it doesn't change who he is to me.

So yes, the person who cyberstalked me and tried to cause me emotional and financial harm is an awful person, in my opinion, regardless of whatever is wrong with them. There is no requirement that I have compassion for my abusers nor that I forgive them.

Yes, that I can see. It's one thing to name your abuser and say that they are a bad person. It's another thing to equate their mental illness with being a bad person.

I found the original post very triggering. I thought the posts started are supposed to deal with something the OP wants help with. The tone of this post was like you started a discussion to coax info out of others. Suspicious. However, it did produce a worthy discussion helpful to others.

I thought so too.

Reporting invasive stalking behaviours to the Authorities is only effective dependant on who is doing the stalking. If you are being harassed and terrorised from someone who works in the emergency services you will have no hope of getting the Police on board...they protect their own.

I see what you are saying and I understand/agree with you, but Artchic's tone and words in her opening post were quite different than yours.

I agree. Thread overall produced good discussion but original post is trigerring and bothersome.

Especially with list of diagnosis. How can anyone make general comment what diagnoses stalkers have for sure? Is it based on research? Then where is it? I
Don’t recall ever reading that all stalkers have psychosis.

I don’t have any of those diagnoses and I felt unsettled, I can’t imagine how I’d fell if I had those diagnoses!

It’s also bothersome that there was another very similar thread few days ago that actually said OP was being stalked on PC. That thread was deleted but I am freaking out now that perhaps this is still hinting about stalkers on PC. Are people being stalked here? It’s scary if that’s the case. But general kind of thread isn’t going to solve it. Are these stalking people being reported?

The whole premise of this thread is confusing and yes, suspicious

I am in agreement with this of course.

Maybe admin could help to edit the original post? I'd hate to delete the entire thread because some important discussion has and continues to happen. People have shared stories about real incidents and how it has affected them and things they have learned. I think that's useful.

Whether or not it's about this forum, most of us have shared stories that don't have anything to do with PC, so I think it's irrelevant where it has occurred. It's about how it affects the individual, not where it's occurring. And also, stalkers don't just stalk anyone. The person who stalked me might not have any interest in you, probably wouldn't. And online bullies, trolls, stalkers are everywhere. That's why most of us are entirely anonymous here.

Seesaw

Yes, I did not notice someone inserting a specific diagnosis. I did comment on how things a poster struggled with can be the result of being exposed to some very dysfunctional individuals, I struggle with that myself tbh. so I am very sympathetic about it. I know Artchic began by just trying to post a warning and is probably recovering from a recent bad experience and is most likely still triggered. Well, I know what that's like because I was also badly triggered when I experienced it myself. Truth is, it can happen to anyone and with that it's always nice to know we are not alone and others can step up and say in a supportive way, "yeah, I hear you me too".

Sometimes I wonder how anonymous is it. Some little snippets of information here and there might reveal who the person is in real life. It’s possible. And some people post their pictures and art work etc