[Melodysmooth]

So my husband and I got into an argument because we were watching a show that's about different crime related scenes. It's one of our favorite and we enjoy watching it. Sometimes when watching the show my husband would say certain things out loud that bother me, sometimes I'll let it slide but he's been saying it so much all this week that I just had to tell him to stop. For example, if the girl in the show got raped he will say "That's what she gets" or if the guy hits the girl he'll say "That's good for her cause she was dancing with someone else" ..and I would say "Stop saying those things".. I know he's joking. He's saying it in a sarcastic tone, but I've told him before I just don't like to hear those type of jokes, that's all.. especially when it comes to rape or domestic violence.

I know it's a show but it's reflecting something that occurs in real life that I personally feel a certain way about. Mind you, we can joke around with each other and he knows that, I just don't like THOSE types of jokes. And it frustrates me because when I say something he doesn't agree or like he would put his foot down and make sure I know my place. So it's the same way if I were to say something that he didn't like then I would just try my best not to say it.

We got into this huge argument cause he says he cant even joke around and that I ruined our weekend, and that I am an instigator and this lead us to argue and things get ugly when we do.. he just doesn't seem to understand me and I understand his point of view, he's entitled to say whatever he wants and I respect that so if he wants to continue 'joking' like that, that's cool.. then he would just have to deal with me saying stop it..

[Melodysmooth]

I think we have a huge problem with communication. And this is the reason behind most of our arguments. We don't see eye to eye in some things, and that's fine. But, instead of sitting down and talking about it .. it leads to an argument and worse.

[~Christina]

I would be upset with those comments as i have been raped and abused and I have and still am living with it, forever.

Can you have a very blunt conversation with him when the show isn’t on ?

It can’t be always be on his terms” and get ugly about your comments. When you say he puts his foot down ? What does that mean ?

Any chance he would go to couples counseling ? If not
You should find a Therapist to help you learn skills to help you find more stability and your needs are met in this relationship.

I wish you luck

[Melodysmooth]

Apparently having a conversation about it with him doesn't help out right now cause I know he's still mad (maybe later on). Cause right now, One thing leads to the other and we just end up continue arguing. He simply doesn't understand, he says everyone jokes around about those things. And he said fine if you don't like it I wont say it, but continued arguing. He's also mad about the fact that I went to sleep without talking to him, but I did that due to arguing. I know he doesn't like it when I do that, but what's the point of continue arguing with someone. We spoke about couple counseling before.. but never got to it, no money no insurance.

He puts his foot down because he has a short temper he tends to snap quickly. And fine, I am not saying I'm perfect either I have my flaws as well.. I am an anxious person. I just dont understand why we cant sit down and talk like adults. Maybe I am being too sensitive because I personally can't relate to being raped (can't say the same about domestic violent though, I have personal feelings about that) but I don't have to be a victim about something to simply say I don't like it

[Melodysmooth]

Btw, I am sorry for what you went through and still going through Christina and thank you for your response

This is the type of thing that really shouldn't be joked about, and the fact that your husband does not stop even after seeing that it distresses you makes me question:

a) How he truly feels about women
b) How much he respects you

Besides the fights triggered by this, is your relationship an otherwise happy one?

[MickeyCheeky]

I believe that to avoid this kind of jokes you could stop watching that show with him. That way he might also learn how much you feel hurt by this behavior.

However, I'm afraid that what you wrote is just part of a bigger problem.. I'd suggest counselling but you said you can't afford it. I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand you

[Melodysmooth]

Thank you for your response @scaredandconfused and @mickeycheeky

Our relationships is overall happy until we have arguments. Yes, this is a part of a bigger problem that doesn't even have to deal with the jokes but yeah... I told him, if he wants to continue joking around then it's normal for me to react when I don't like something. And in all reality, this is not even about just the show it's the fact that we are arguing over "he said she said" and then are arguments are much uglier. It's not like we're arguing/conversation on how to work the problem out, it's more whose right and whose wrong. And even then, I still tell him I understand his point of view but he should be able to respect how I feel as well.

What you are saying is perfectly reasonable but I think many people would find those comments offensive, you say he's saying it in a sarcastic tone, do you think he is trying to wind you up?

[Melodysmooth]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

What you are saying is perfectly reasonable but I think many people would find those comments offensive, you say he's saying it in a sarcastic tone, do you think he is trying to wind you up?

Nope, not at all. When we usually joke around we both have a sarcastic tone because we're being goofy. I think it just naturally comes out because if we're fine with each other at that moment then he doesn't think nothing of it. I don't think he intentionally says it to make me feel a certain way at least not when it comes to domestic violence/rape. The problem is he knows I don't like those types of jokes because over the past couple of the days, he's said something similar and I've said "ugh damn stop saying that" maybe he didn't think I was being serious before (?) only that this time it actually lead to us arguing.