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  #51  
Old Jan 09, 2018, 02:20 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Sometimes I wonder how anonymous is it. Some little snippets of information here and there might reveal who the person is in real life. It’s possible. And some people post their pictures and art work etc
I am not entirely anonymous here. But I have weighed that risk and what I'm sharing and I'm okay with it.

People choose how anonymous they need or want to be.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #52  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 06:47 AM
Talthybius Talthybius is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Talthybius— I have this too! I believe it is OCD/PTSD/ADHD related.

It’s harmless to the object of the secret obsession, but so harmful to the one obsessing!
OCD, PTSD and ADHD are supposed to be very different things.

I also doubt I have traits that match either of these disorders, let alone have the disorder.

No idea how they might relate. After almost two years, I see the person that interests me again every day. It is so strange now, having the person which you barely met now be in your life again. Like how the real person decoupled, or not, from the fantasy. She laughed about my joke today. It is surreal in some way. I hoped it would give me energy and make me feel upbeat. That would compensate, at least on the short term, for the desire and pain I feel. I hope this means that when she is gone for good for my life, something that seemed unbearable, will be bearable.
  #53  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 07:25 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Well here Ilis something unsettling. After all this tall about this, I was semi cyber stalked this past evening.

I went to an artist networking event to promote my consulting business. I had friends this man through Facebook who was also a volunteer with the animal shelter that I'm a volunteer with, and, considering that we had some friends in common, I didn't think that much about it.

So anyways, while I'm networking, this man comes up to me and introduces himself. He starts talking to me about animal rescue, and I'm trying to be polite but I'm there to network for my business, not socialize. So he's telling me about how he got divorced about a year ago and is trying to socialize and get out more. I'm still going, what the hell are you talking about, internally.

Then he mentions that were FB friends, and I go, oh right, yes, I've seen your posts about fostering animals. Then he starts to bring up some of my posts about ptsd and depression, and I'm super uncomfortable at this point.

The whole time he's staring at my chest (and I wasn't wearing a low cut shirt), he never makes eye contact. I am trying to steer the conversation to networking so I ask him if he's an artist (which is the only reason he'd come to this event) and he says no, he is just trying to get out to socialize more. And I'm thinking, this is not a socializing type of event. This is a networking event where artists are trying to talk to curators and other professionals to promote their work...

So I ask him how he heard about the event, and he doesn't really answer. He finishes up our discussion by saying he might drop me a message via FB and see if I want to go out for a drink sometime, no pressure.

I just say, oh, sure I'll think about it. Then he leaves. Doesn't talk to anyone else. If he's there to meet people, why only talk to me?

I was super uncomfortable and irritated with the whole thing. Irritated because it took time out from me being able to network with potential clients.

Then it dawns on me. This guy saw that I responded to the group's Facebook event as "going" and decided to come to this event to find me and talk to me. Holy ****, that's some stalker behavior.

I feel bad but I blocked him on Facebook after that. I don't like being tailed to a professional event, someone bringing up my mental illness in a group full of potential clients, and staring at my chest the whole time.

It was super creepy. I'm sure he's harmless, and perhaps just lacks social skills to understand that it's not acceptable to tail someone to a professional event in order to socialize with them.

I don't know how other people would see that. I mean, it's not like he dropped me a line via FB saying, hey I'm coming tonight too, see you there! Which would have been totally appropriate. It was just super fishy to me that he came out to socialize, only talked to me and then left, and isnt involved in the arts in any way.

I need to cull my friends list again. I so want to be trusting of people I meet through other friends, but I realized tonight that's my friends may not even know who their friends are.

Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #54  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 07:26 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Excuse my typos in the above post. Used my cell phone to write that.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
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  #55  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 07:32 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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After spending a lot of time learning about what might be my illness, I think ocd and PTSD along with some of the personality disorders and even adhd, overlap in their symptoms a bit. I think of whatever it is I have like a cluster. The Cluster B personality. I hoped this would help you.

I had these epic crushes so much that I had a whole relationship with my imaginary version of that person in my own mind. Unlike you though, I did have some romantic involvement with them. Also I had plenty of real life romantic relationships with others. High sex drive.
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  #56  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 07:36 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Well here Ilis something unsettling. After all this tall about this, I was semi cyber stalked this past evening.

I went to an artist networking event to promote my consulting business. I had friends this man through Facebook who was also a volunteer with the animal shelter that I'm a volunteer with, and, considering that we had some friends in common, I didn't think that much about it.

So anyways, while I'm networking, this man comes up to me and introduces himself. He starts talking to me about animal rescue, and I'm trying to be polite but I'm there to network for my business, not socialize. So he's telling me about how he got divorced about a year ago and is trying to socialize and get out more. I'm still going, what the hell are you talking about, internally.

Then he mentions that were FB friends, and I go, oh right, yes, I've seen your posts about fostering animals. Then he starts to bring up some of my posts about ptsd and depression, and I'm super uncomfortable at this point.

The whole time he's staring at my chest (and I wasn't wearing a low cut shirt), he never makes eye contact. I am trying to steer the conversation to networking so I ask him if he's an artist (which is the only reason he'd come to this event) and he says no, he is just trying to get out to socialize more. And I'm thinking, this is not a socializing type of event. This is a networking event where artists are trying to talk to curators and other professionals to promote their work...

So I ask him how he heard about the event, and he doesn't really answer. He finishes up our discussion by saying he might drop me a message via FB and see if I want to go out for a drink sometime, no pressure.

I just say, oh, sure I'll think about it. Then he leaves. Doesn't talk to anyone else. If he's there to meet people, why only talk to me?

I was super uncomfortable and irritated with the whole thing. Irritated because it took time out from me being able to network with potential clients.

Then it dawns on me. This guy saw that I responded to the group's Facebook event as "going" and decided to come to this event to find me and talk to me. Holy ****, that's some stalker behavior.

I feel bad but I blocked him on Facebook after that. I don't like being tailed to a professional event, someone bringing up my mental illness in a group full of potential clients, and staring at my chest the whole time.

It was super creepy. I'm sure he's harmless, and perhaps just lacks social skills to understand that it's not acceptable to tail someone to a professional event in order to socialize with them.

I don't know how other people would see that. I mean, it's not like he dropped me a line via FB saying, hey I'm coming tonight too, see you there! Which would have been totally appropriate. It was just super fishy to me that he came out to socialize, only talked to me and then left, and isnt involved in the arts in any way.

I need to cull my friends list again. I so want to be trusting of people I meet through other friends, but I realized tonight that's my friends may not even know who their friends are.

Seesaw
Yep. It sounds like he went just to talk to you. If he was a good looking guy who hadn’t stared at your chest would you have been flattered?
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  #57  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 07:45 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Yep. It sounds like he went just to talk to you. If he was a good looking guy who hadn’t stared at your chest would you have been flattered?
It had nothing to do with his looks. It was his behavior that was creepy. Like, he wouldn't say how he knew about the event or anything. If he had even said, well I saw you were attending and I wanted to meet you in person. ..that would have been less creepy than this like stalker behavior, trying to catch me unaware.

It was also the very personal nature of his discussion while I'm trying to professionally network.

I try not to judge people on their looks. As an artist myself, I find merit in the sculpture of lots of different body types. I also like the way a person makes me feel, if they carry on good conversation, and I feel safe with them. This did not feel safe.

And I've gone on plenty of planned dates with cute guys who stare at my chest and I don't go out with them a second time either. It has nothing to do with looks. He stated at my chest the WHOLE time and made no eye contact whatsoever. That was creepy.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #58  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 10:15 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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I'm genuinely creeped out right now. I've been cyber stalked and bullied before but I've never been like followed to an event before. This really makes me feel unsafe.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #59  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 01:01 PM
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Open Eyes Open Eyes is offline
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(((seesaw))),

You actually handled the encounter well. You did fine with your boundaries and now that you know this person has taken extra steps to meet you, try not to just assume he is going to do something bad. It's probably just an idea he came up with as a way to meet you and talk to you in person and he did meet you in a public place so this is not like he is trying to catch you alone. You now know this guy has an interest in you, the ball is still in your court and you can take charge and make sure you discourage him kindly from further pursuing you and you can also take steps to be more careful about posting your plans on this site where he saw it and made plans to see you.
  #60  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 01:15 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
(((seesaw))),

You actually handled the encounter well. You did fine with your boundaries and now that you know this person has taken extra steps to meet you, try not to just assume he is going to do something bad. It's probably just an idea he came up with as a way to meet you and talk to you in person and he did meet you in a public place so this is not like he is trying to catch you alone. You now know this guy has an interest in you, the ball is still in your court and you can take charge and make sure you discourage him kindly from further pursuing you and you can also take steps to be more careful about posting your plans on this site where he saw it and made plans to see you.
I don't know what his intentions or plans were but it was creepy and unsafe to me. He FORCED his conversation on me, and felt entitled to do so because of what? What entitles some man to follow me to an event and make demands upon my time? Because I RSVP'd to an event page that I was going to an event?

There were plenty of people at that event waiting in line to talk to me as a professional about my consulting services. This guy was being inappropriate, bringing up my mental illness, which, by the way, I don't even discuss with people I do know versus complete strangers. Then him hinting that we should get drinks and "no pressure." That was pressuring me right there. He came out here to seek me out and force me to spend time with him, rather than asking me out to see if I wanted to get to know him. I say this because the way he conversed and the subject matter he brought up, he seemed to behave like he was at a singles social event. How does he even know if I'm single? I don't talk about my relationship status on FB.

Screw discourage him kindly. I blocked him as soon as I could. Not only is there just the inappropriate factor, but this was a deception on his part. Following me to an event and not telling me or messaging me and using a PROFESSIONAL WORK EVENT to try and seek me out to ask me out is deceptive as hell. Lurking on my Facebook page to then follow me to an event is a deception. He could have easily messaged me and asked to meet up some time. He did not do this. He lied about why he was there - it is an event for artists and art professionals, he had no business being there - that was a deception.

I'm not giving the time of day to someone who practically hunts me down. I'm not treating this behavior as harmless. There's no encouraging or discouraging. He is blocked and if he does attempt any further contact or attempts to force further contact, there will be a restraining order. This felt very violating, and I'm not going to sugar coat that.

Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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  #61  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 01:54 PM
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Open Eyes Open Eyes is offline
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Sorry seesaw, did not mean to trigger you with my response. You did the right thing in completely blocking this individual. I probably should not have posted a response, not doing well myself today.
  #62  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Sorry seesaw, did not mean to trigger you with my response. You did the right thing in completely blocking this individual. I probably should not have posted a response, not doing well myself today.
I'm sorry. I did get triggered a bit because the situation made me feel very unsafe. I know your point was I handled it well. I just think about, you know, you said it was a public place, but the thing is, this guy could've been waiting for me outside when I walked to my car alone (it was downtown and there aren't a lot of people just hanging out downtown after 6pm on a weeknight). I mean, thank goodness he wasn't, but I have no idea what his mental state is.

And again, it was very creepy because he literally did not make eye contact with me once and STARED at my chest the whole time he talked to me. I'm actually mad at myself that I was as nice as I was and did not just excuse myself from talking to him, but I felt cornered. And that's also disturbing to me, that I didn't feel like I could walk away and protect myself, I was cornered.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Hugs from:
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  #63  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 02:25 PM
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I am glad you understand that I was just trying to point out the strong ways you did respond given that you were caught off guard and it triggered you. I know how unsettling it can feel after something happens that catches one offguard and that it can be triggering where afterwards one can think back on it and think about what one could have done better to protect themselves even more. I struggle that way myself and can think about what more I should have done then what I did do. It's important to keep in mind that in reviewing hindsight is truly having more information than what one has when experiencing a challenge like you have described where you are caught off guard.

You handled it well given how it took you by surprise and you have taken steps by making sure you blocked this individual too. It's ok to feel angry too and you did well in not blowing up when caught off guard. IMO, that's progress and you should be proud of how you handled that situation, it's important to allow yourself to feel empowered by that.
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  #64  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 02:30 PM
tecomsin tecomsin is offline
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
I'm sorry. I did get triggered a bit because the situation made me feel very unsafe. I know your point was I handled it well. I just think about, you know, you said it was a public place, but the thing is, this guy could've been waiting for me outside when I walked to my car alone (it was downtown and there aren't a lot of people just hanging out downtown after 6pm on a weeknight). I mean, thank goodness he wasn't, but I have no idea what his mental state is.

And again, it was very creepy because he literally did not make eye contact with me once and STARED at my chest the whole time he talked to me. I'm actually mad at myself that I was as nice as I was and did not just excuse myself from talking to him, but I felt cornered. And that's also disturbing to me, that I didn't feel like I could walk away and protect myself, I was cornered.
I wonder why people who stalk others aren't also commenting on this thread. Stalking is not only criminal but also a psychiatric or psychological condition that would seem to require help... therapy, meds for controlling obsessive behavior.

FWIW I find this entire thread triggering.
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  #65  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 02:38 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Originally Posted by tecomsin View Post
I wonder why people who stalk others aren't also commenting on this thread. Stalking is not only criminal but also a psychiatric or psychological condition that would seem to require help... therapy, meds for controlling obsessive behavior.

FWIW I find this entire thread triggering.
Well, one member did chime in about his stalking behaviors and what goes through his mind, etc. And how he tries to combat it. I try to have compassion for everyone, even people who have obsessive behaviors like this. At the same time, I cannot read another person's mind or know that they are harmless or not, so I will still protect myself and keep myself safe.

I'm sorry you find this entire thread triggering. Honestly everyone could be triggered by any thread in this subforum because we are all talking about relationships and communication with other people and anyone could identify with the OTHER person rather than the OP in this forum. But we are here to give support to the OP and others who have experienced what it's like to be violated by stalking.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
tecomsin
  #66  
Old Jan 10, 2018, 07:47 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
I don't know what his intentions or plans were but it was creepy and unsafe to me. He FORCED his conversation on me, and felt entitled to do so because of what? What entitles some man to follow me to an event and make demands upon my time? Because I RSVP'd to an event page that I was going to an event?

There were plenty of people at that event waiting in line to talk to me as a professional about my consulting services. This guy was being inappropriate, bringing up my mental illness, which, by the way, I don't even discuss with people I do know versus complete strangers. Then him hinting that we should get drinks and "no pressure." That was pressuring me right there. He came out here to seek me out and force me to spend time with him, rather than asking me out to see if I wanted to get to know him. I say this because the way he conversed and the subject matter he brought up, he seemed to behave like he was at a singles social event. How does he even know if I'm single? I don't talk about my relationship status on FB.

Screw discourage him kindly. I blocked him as soon as I could. Not only is there just the inappropriate factor, but this was a deception on his part. Following me to an event and not telling me or messaging me and using a PROFESSIONAL WORK EVENT to try and seek me out to ask me out is deceptive as hell. Lurking on my Facebook page to then follow me to an event is a deception. He could have easily messaged me and asked to meet up some time. He did not do this. He lied about why he was there - it is an event for artists and art professionals, he had no business being there - that was a deception.

I'm not giving the time of day to someone who practically hunts me down. I'm not treating this behavior as harmless. There's no encouraging or discouraging. He is blocked and if he does attempt any further contact or attempts to force further contact, there will be a restraining order. This felt very violating, and I'm not going to sugar coat that.

Seesaw
What this guy did to you, and it does sound like he did it just to see you, is very disconcerting. How did he come to know you enough to be friended on fb? I think you did the right thing by blocking him, too.

When something like this happens, it shocks us in the moment, we don’t get mad until we figure it all out later.
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. About Me--T
  #67  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 01:21 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
What this guy did to you, and it does sound like he did it just to see you, is very disconcerting. How did he come to know you enough to be friended on fb? I think you did the right thing by blocking him, too.

When something like this happens, it shocks us in the moment, we don’t get mad until we figure it all out later.
Well, I don't normally friend people I don't know but he find requested me and he was friends with some other volunteers that work for the same animal shelter as me. I clearly made a mistake. And don't worry, after that, I quickly went through and culled my friends list. Although he was the only person that I hadn't actually met in person. I guess somehow he snuck in under the radar when I wasn't paying attention.

I have a few friends on Facebook I haven't met in person because they live in different states but we are connected because we do advocacy for the same cause. And then there are a couple of people that I'm connected to who have dogs that came from the same litter as mine, so we stayed in touch to compare growth and any health concerns. But I know them pretty well from our interactions online and I'm not concerned about them. This guy was someone local who I mistakenly did not vet properly. A mistake I remedied by blocking him.

You're right that in the moment it's a bit of a shock but when you put the pieces together and realize the deception and the behavior, it triggers all the anger.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv
  #68  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 11:56 AM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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Oh Seesaw, that is exactly why I dont respond "GOING" to activities listed on FB. I put them on my calendar & may click on interested.

He probably thought he hadn't met you & saw you would be there & probably totally CLUELESS that it was a networking event & not social. In his mind probably thought a good way to mrrt you. Obviously He is a totally dysfunctional person when it comes to social interactions & what the appropriate way to handle a meeting with someone. Definitely blicking him was the ABSOLUTE CORRECT thing to do. I eould hsve felt creeped out by it too. You handled yourself perfectly.

Lol, in my small town I got a phone call when I first got my new local ohone number. By chance this guy actually dialed my number while trying to call his granddaughter (missed it by one close number when I asked what # he was trying to call). Well it turned into a longer phone conversation & an invite to have coffee with the other seniors at the local McDonalds. I graciously thanked him but said far too busy. One never knows what unusual contacts may happen but BEST to stop them immediately & never get involved with anyone you dont kniw or have met personally to know ehat they are like IRL. You cut it off befire it could become anything more. Too many people naievly think that its important to BE NICE to someone rather than being protective of ones own privacy & think "what could it hurt?" Until its too late & they find out.

Using one's wise mind & being totally mindful of the situations brings awareness & caution that is important in all situations.

You handled this perfectly & learned a few things in the process. Responding to public listings on FB that you are going to anything opens up for the public (not just friends) to know your plans & where you intend on being.....beware of what information we put out there.
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Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
  #69  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 12:02 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Oh Seesaw, that is exactly why I dont respond "GOING" to activities listed on FB. I put them on my calendar & may click on interested.

He probably thought he hadn't met you & saw you would be there & probably totally CLUELESS that it was a networking event & not social. In his mind probably thought a good way to mrrt you. Obviously He is a totally dysfunctional person when it comes to social interactions & what the appropriate way to handle a meeting with someone. Definitely blicking him was the ABSOLUTE CORRECT thing to do. I eould hsve felt creeped out by it too. You handled yourself perfectly.

Lol, in my small town I got a phone call when I first got my new local ohone number. By chance this guy actually dialed my number while trying to call his granddaughter (missed it by one close number when I asked what # he was trying to call). Well it turned into a longer phone conversation & an invite to have coffee with the other seniors at the local McDonalds. I graciously thanked him but said far too busy. One never knows what unusual contacts may happen but BEST to stop them immediately & never get involved with anyone you dont kniw or have met personally to know ehat they are like IRL. You cut it off befire it could become anything more. Too many people naievly think that its important to BE NICE to someone rather than being protective of ones own privacy & think "what could it hurt?" Until its too late & they find out.

Using one's wise mind & being totally mindful of the situations brings awareness & caution that is important in all situations.

You handled this perfectly & learned a few things in the process. Responding to public listings on FB that you are going to anything opens up for the public (not just friends) to know your plans & where you intend on being.....beware of what information we put out there.
Yeah, I'm not going to respond to FB events anymore, but I will mark then interested or follow them so I can see updates. Yeah, lesson learned.

I agree, it sounds like he is just clueless how is behavior came off. But also, just the things he talked about and whatnot, it was creepy too. And again, I was just trying to be professional and in public so I just kind of smiled and nodded until I could move along.

Like I asked him how long he'd been in my city (again, assuming he was an artist) and he started talking about how up until about 18 months ago he lived in Georgia and then one day his wife and mother-in-law told him to get out. So he packed up and moved to this city because he thought he could get a job. Like divulging that much information to a stranger and also like, they just told him to get out? That combined with the way he stared at me inappropriately? Something is off there.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
  #70  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 03:12 PM
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it'sgrowtime it'sgrowtime is offline
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What an awkward situation he put you in! You maintained your professional composure, and I hope the event was fruitful for you despite his interference.
I had an encounter with an obnoxious a-hole at work yesterday. It triggered me and I was upset for an hour. I did some coulda-shoulda-woulda thinking; in the end I realized I couldn’t foresee the event, and I will now be better prepared for similar future events.
Thanks for this!
seesaw
  #71  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 05:44 PM
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Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
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Location: Charlotte, NC
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My stalker obviously has no self control, yet I don't know what else I can do. Seeing as I live in the US, and she in Canada, I just can't go to my local authorities and ask to press charges.
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  #72  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 06:51 PM
Quarter life Quarter life is offline
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Record and/or document all times and events meticulously. Do not react or respond in any way...even a negative response causes a stalker to experience pleasure. Give them nothing and hopefully they will move on to another target. If you decide to report to authorities this may cause them to become incensed and hostile, as you have introduced a third party to their game, the invasive actions may escalate. And yes this is a 'game' to them a 'power' game they have created to distract themselves from their meagre existence. you react...and they get their little win. Pressing charges is a long arduous painful process...unless they have physically harmed you, threatened harm, or crossed any other unforgivable personal boundaries...let it alone. As a victim with experience of this type of crime I have stories that would make your hair turn green...document, document, document, is my best advice.
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Thanks for this!
Artchic528
  #73  
Old Jan 11, 2018, 11:33 PM
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Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quarter life View Post
Record and/or document all times and events meticulously. Do not react or respond in any way...even a negative response causes a stalker to experience pleasure. Give them nothing and hopefully they will move on to another target. If you decide to report to authorities this may cause them to become incensed and hostile, as you have introduced a third party to their game, the invasive actions may escalate. And yes this is a 'game' to them a 'power' game they have created to distract themselves from their meagre existence. you react...and they get their little win. Pressing charges is a long arduous painful process...unless they have physically harmed you, threatened harm, or crossed any other unforgivable personal boundaries...let it alone. As a victim with experience of this type of crime I have stories that would make your hair turn green...document, document, document, is my best advice.
Yes, I know of your experience with these kinds of people. It's party why I made this thread, aka with you in mind.

I'm recording as much as I possibly can, and hope that, because she does her stalking online, that I can possibly ask the people in charge of the site she frequents to act according upon her.

I'm hoping for justice to prevail.
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MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
  #74  
Old Jan 12, 2018, 06:54 AM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 25,079
Why cant you block, unfriend, ignore, everything possible to stop seeing her & her being able to contact you instead of RECORDING everything she does? I am not following this logic. Ehen someone bithers me, I block & keep them out of my life I dont record their activities because that sucks me into whst they are doing instead of distanciing.
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
  #75  
Old Jan 12, 2018, 07:13 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,227
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
Yes, I know of your experience with these kinds of people. It's party why I made this thread, aka with you in mind.

I'm recording as much as I possibly can, and hope that, because she does her stalking online, that I can possibly ask the people in charge of the site she frequents to act according upon her.

I'm hoping for justice to prevail.
Is she stalking you on online forums or other online venues or FB? Could you block her? Or ask moderators to block her? Is this the type of setting where you can’t block or unfriend or ignore people? Since she isn’t stalking you in real life, I’d think you’d be able to block her?
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attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




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