[marie1988]

Can anyone help me? my partner of 7 years has cheated on my with my bestfriend they had a fling for nearly 4 weeks they had only slept together once had kissed a couple of times all this happened whilst i was out at work on a night shift we have 2 kids together a home we have built and put alot of time and effort in to make it happen i thought we had a great relationship everyone always loved us together thought we was the perfect match.....my best friend who i have been there for everything started of texting him with attention etc first and my partner didnt take the bait straight away i dont know what was said via these texts but all i know is they said they had feelings for one another! i was heartbroken and still am we are trying to make things work as she has now gone back to her husband!! i dont know if this was some sort of lust fantasy but she was round my house most days acting normal asif she wasnt doing anything wrong when behind my back she was texting him . he come clean to me about everything i i sad i will never forget but i can forgive you in time as he has never done anything like this before i dont even know why there are so many questions but i dont think i want to hear the answers as i know enough i love him so so much and couldnt be without him as for her i dont wanna know she is dead to me all that fakeness ! i did everything for her and her children i just need help can i get past this feeling he seems to think we have gone back to normal as everything is ok but in my head its not im scared i dont want to lose him..

[Crazy Hitch]

Wow. So sorry to hear that you have had to go through with this.

What made your husband decide to tell you?

You're right - completely cutting contact with this so called "best friend" is the best thing to do. Your husband should do the same - sever all ties completely off facebook / text / phone / email - block ... block ... block.

Does her husband know she was unfaithful?

I think it's going to pose a lot of challenges moving forward with regards to trust in the relationship. If you choose to stay with him, I'd recommend that the two of you actively seek couples counselling, or at very least, you see a counsellor to help you work through your feelings.

[Skeezyks]

Hello marie: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/infid...onship-cancer/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/infid...ek-counseling/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/recovering-from-an-affair/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/more-t...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/can-yo...vive-cheating/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...delity-part-i/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...delity-part-2/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...delity-part-3/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...delity-part-4/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2...omment-page-1/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Open Eyes]

(((marie))) I am so sorry you experienced this challenge. Unfortunately, often the person that is involved in the cheating is a person's close friend too. It sounds to me like this friend was having some problems in her own marriage and saw you and your husband so happy and began to want what you had "literally" and she began putting moves on your husband. Also, sometimes what happens is how the so called "friend" subconsciously needs to destroy "your" perfect marriage so she can feel better about her own imperfect marriage. Human beings tend to do this where they try to bring down others so they don't feel so bad about whatever they are lacking.

You mentioned that you even "helped" this friend and you were nice to her too. Well, it sounds like she was unhappy and needy and you had the "power" to give. She doesn't have that kind of power. It sounds like she wanted what YOU have/had.

It's no wonder why you struggle with "trust" right now. You have your husband and you love him but he made you "question" how much HE values you and your relationship because he did eventually give in and cheated on you and put your relationship at risk.

He may deeply regret what he did and he may struggle with guilt about it too.

What has he said to you about what he did and how he feels about it?

[marie1988]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Wow. So sorry to hear that you have had to go through with this.

What made your husband decide to tell you?

You're right - completely cutting contact with this so called "best friend" is the best thing to do. Your husband should do the same - sever all ties completely off facebook / text / phone / email - block ... block ... block.

Does her husband know she was unfaithful?

I think it's going to pose a lot of challenges moving forward with regards to trust in the relationship. If you choose to stay with him, I'd recommend that the two of you actively seek couples counselling, or at very least, you see a counsellor to help you work through your feelings.

her husband does know but he wanted to make it work due to them being together for nearly 20 years!! me and my partner are ok in a sense he seems like everything normal where i am struggling some days in my head....he wanted to tell me because he knew it was wrong and couldnt lie to me anymore.. he has been nothing but nice to me and being all affectionate he even said he will love me forever and will never hurt me again....he cat understand himself why he even went there he is doubting himself because he has never ever been unfaithful i just love him so much and want everything to be normal , we have blocked and removed everything to do with her .xx

[marie1988]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((marie))) I am so sorry you experienced this challenge. Unfortunately, often the person that is involved in the cheating is a person's close friend too. It sounds to me like this friend was having some problems in her own marriage and saw you and your husband so happy and began to want what you had "literally" and she began putting moves on your husband. Also, sometimes what happens is how the so called "friend" subconsciously needs to destroy "your" perfect marriage so she can feel better about her own imperfect marriage. Human beings tend to do this where they try to bring down others so they don't feel so bad about whatever they are lacking.

You mentioned that you even "helped" this friend and you were nice to her too. Well, it sounds like she was unhappy and needy and you had the "power" to give. She doesn't have that kind of power. It sounds like she wanted what YOU have/had.


It's no wonder why you struggle with "trust" right now. You have your husband and you love him but he made you "question" how much HE values you and your relationship because he did eventually give in and cheated on you and put your relationship at risk.

He may deeply regret what he did and he may struggle with guilt about it too.

What has he said to you about what he did and how he feels about it?

we have had deep conversations about it all and he deeply is sorry he dosent even know why he did it he was saying at the start it was the attention she was giving him and because she was round most days he started to fancy her like she did him! we have cut all ties with her blocked and removed everything the hardest thing is i still have to see her when i go to take the kids to school!!! i havent seen her yet! i admit we have been so distracted lately with our new house we built the kids we just got stuck in routine and he was stressed out so much with everything .... we have been fine since working on things but i just dont want him to think just because we talking and being intimate he thinks its forgotten about i want him to realise what he could have lost!! i love him and know he loves me and we are believe it or not the best we have ever been so far!!! i have never seen him so affectionate and make me feel special the way he has done these last few weeks xx

[jack haddad]

well everyone i've been cheating on my girlfriend for three years and that's was really heart after all these years

[marie1988]

Just to update you all ! things are still going ok with me and my partner he is doing everything for me some have said to me this believe it or not can make your relationship stronger and turn out better we have now gone from 7 years with kids to having no us time to now having time for ourselves family are willing to have kids overnight so we can do things as a couple things we have never got to do before which is nice not that it will solve everything that has happened but he has even spoken to me saying he will never do this again he could of lost everything he loves etc the list goes on xx

[MickeyCheeky]

Thanks for updating us. Hopefully your relationship will be re-built. Keep an eye on him

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by marie1988

Just to update you all ! things are still going ok with me and my partner he is doing everything for me some have said to me this believe it or not can make your relationship stronger and turn out better we have now gone from 7 years with kids to having no us time to now having time for ourselves family are willing to have kids overnight so we can do things as a couple things we have never got to do before which is nice not that it will solve everything that has happened but he has even spoken to me saying he will never do this again he could of lost everything he loves etc the list goes on xx

Glad to know things are continuing to heal and the two of you are making it a point to spend time with each other. Your husband sounds like he is deeply sorry and genuinely wants to make it up to you and has been putting in the effort to do just that. That's all he can do because he can't erase what he did.

[marie1988]

i thought things where fine between us i think they are but i still cant get bits out my head i feel like i am the one who is being punished every little thing is getting to me!! a new week starts then boom something pops up wever its from the playground friends her name gets mentioned with what she has done she even had the nerve to turn up at my friends house at the weekend to talk to her my friend has rang and wants to meet me for coffee so she can tell me exactly what the w**re said!!! but tbh i dont know if i want to hear it what if there is more stuff i find out ten my heart will be broken again and i dont think i can hold back on not saying something to my partner but it will just bring everything back up and make it harder to move on? plz advice anyone xx

It sounds to me that she wants to smooth things over by talking to you. You owe her nothing. You do what is best for you.

You might suggest to her that she needs therapy. What kind of person does what she did to her friend?

[marie1988]

ive decided to move on and forget about everything now is the time.....i didnt meet with her to chat and hear her side as if im honest i dont want to hear it ....surprisingly me and my partner are in a real good place he is making more effort with me and the children spending lots of time with us as a family and its lovely he would of rather go to work but instead he is finally appreciating what he has and what he could of lost!!! i will cross paths with her one day as its a small town and she goes to the same school as me so its only a matter of time but for now i will continue to hold my head up high and not let this bring me down because i am the one that has done nothing wrong!! she can say all the crap she likes about my bf she obvs isnt happy with her hubby still but its made clear she is no longer welcome back in our lives ! she can go rot for all i care..

[Medusax]

I am going to be totally honest here. This person is not even a "casual contact" , let alone your "best" friend. I would NEVER have anything to do with ANYONE'S SO, let ALONE my best friend. She is dearer to me than anyone. I would not even think of hurting her that way. (Or anyone else ,for that matter)