Well, here I am, single again and it's depressing the heck out of me.

I like partnership. I prefer partnership. I have always gravitated towards relationships.... I have been single for months at a time in my life and have taken breaks before, but this time, I feel it may be permanent.

I have patterns and have always landed myself into unhealthy relationships.

I am losing hope that I will ever be healthy enough myself to avoid these kinds of relationships. I feel I will always be alone. I fear I will always be alone.

I also feel that there are no good men out there who are single and healthy minded enough who also happen to be highly compatible with me. What are the odds? Slim to none. I've dated plenty.

I don't know how I am going to exist if I have to be single for the rest of my life. I have friends. I have a social life and I go out often. But this reality is seriously depressing me.

Single women are supposedly some of the happiest people alive, but for me, I cannot imagine being happy for the rest of my life if I have to be single.

I am losing hope. I'm 47 and feel that nothing will change.

Please help.. even if it's just a story of inspiration, I need to hear it. Especially from those who can relate to where I am at.... thank you so much.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to your feelings. Please, don't give up hope... If you accept suggestions, perhaps your problem lies here:

I don't know how I am going to exist if I have to be single for the rest of my life.

I believe that we need to find peace with ourselves before getting engaged with other people. Perhaps that's one way to break the pattern.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I can relate to your feelings. Please, don't give up hope... If you accept suggestions, perhaps your problem lies here:

I don't know how I am going to exist if I have to be single for the rest of my life.

I believe that we need to find peace with ourselves before getting engaged with other people. Perhaps that's one way to break the pattern.

Thanks, Mickey.

I do accept suggestions....

and yes, perhaps I am not at peace with myself? Though I am not sure? All I know is that I happiest when I am in a relationship.

[divine1966]

That survey about single and married people of both gender is referring to people married versus unmarried. Single doesn’t mean “not in a relationship”, just isn’t in legally binding union (which comes with its challenges and many women are very unhapy married but have hard time leaving due to kids or finances so women who went through that aren’t quick to legally marry again). So I wouldn’t take it as people who are totally alone are happier. Most people of both gender enjoy partnership.

It’s perfectly normal and understandable wanting to be in a relationship and being happier in it. It’s pretty much what most people want-companionship

At this time in your life you might need to be completely focused on other aspects of your life such as building a satisfying career that pays your bills and having your own place to live. Those are very important aspects. It really should be a priority. You’d have more opportunities meeting better quality men then. Especially as we get older most men (possibly all) want somebody independent, if they are independent themselves of course and want serious commitment. If independent professional man in his 40s-50s looking for a wife, he would want independent woman. If you want casual fun, then none of it matters. But it’s not satisfying to you anymore.

I’d also say if you only took “months” between men and you didn’t really ever have long time commited relationships, then it seems you go from one short encounter to another wuth no time to reflect in between. After break you feel lonely so you go for next one. While wuth next guy you are still reflecting on what happened with previous guy. Its like a cycle. If you don’t sufficirntly reflect on what happened in las relationship, you are bound to get entangled in the mess again. Give yourself time to fully reflect. I am not saying sit on
a couch and reflect but very busy with other things so you don’t ruminate too much or miss your exes

When you ready to date, do go for more established men. At age 20 it’s fine but in late 40s lack of education and a satisfying career and some basic material comfort (not saying rich) is not cute in a man. Also do try to eventually go for men who you wouldn’t normally go for. I am not saying go for boring men who don’t share your interest. But clearly going for the same type of men dudnt get you what you want. So try different ones. Challenge yourself

But not now. Do other things now. I’d also recommend not to work from home. Eventually I’d think in your situation being single it’s better to work outside of home. Just what I think

47 is not the end of the road! Plenty of people find loves of their lives later in life. You are young

Originally Posted by divine1966

That survey about single and married people of both gender is referring to people married versus unmarried. Single doesn’t mean “not in a relationship”, just isn’t in legally binding union (which comes with its challenges and many women are very unhapy married but have hard time leaving due to kids or finances so women who went through that aren’t quick to legally marry again). So I wouldn’t take it as people who are totally alone are happier. Most people of both gender enjoy partnership.

It’s perfectly normal and understandable wanting to be in a relationship and being happier in it. It’s pretty much what most people want-companionship

At this time in your life you might need to be completely focused on other aspects of your life such as building a satisfying career that pays your bills and having your own place to live. Those are very important aspects. It really should be a priority. You’d have more opportunities meeting better quality men then. Especially as we get older most men (possibly all) want somebody independent, if they are independent themselves of course and want serious commitment. If independent professional man in his 40s-50s looking for a wife, he would want independent woman. If you want casual fun, then none of it matters. But it’s not satisfying to you anymore.

I’d also say if you only took “months” between men and you didn’t really ever have long time commited relationships, then it seems you go from one short encounter to another wuth no time to reflect in between. After break you feel lonely so you go for next one. While wuth next guy you are still reflecting on what happened with previous guy. Its like a cycle. If you don’t sufficirntly reflect on what happened in las relationship, you are bound to get entangled in the mess again. Give yourself time to fully reflect. I am not saying sit on
a couch and reflect but very busy with other things so you don’t ruminate too much or miss your exes

When you ready to date, do go for more established men. At age 20 it’s fine but in late 40s lack of education and a satisfying career and some basic material comfort (not saying rich) is not cute in a man. Also do try to eventually go for men who you wouldn’t normally go for. I am not saying go for boring men who don’t share your interest. But clearly going for the same type of men dudnt get you what you want. So try different ones. Challenge yourself

But not now. Do other things now. I’d also recommend not to work from home. Eventually I’d think in your situation being single it’s better to work outside of home. Just what I think

Thanks, Divine. All good points.

I don't always have short term relationships though. I have had several longer term relationships. I have taken as long as eight months to a year in between some relationships, so I don't always bounce from one to the next. Though I admit that I have done this quite a bit..... with maybe a few months in between and then sometimes only a few weeks.

I do need to get my life established better. And change my approach. But I feel like giving up altogether. I just don't think it will ever happen for me. 47... almost 50. I give up. I feel hopeless and completely discouraged.

I am sick of having to "get my life together" too. My life will never be completely together. It's been one challenge after another with my career.

[TishaBuv]

You said something that really nailed a point. Being a team with a mate. In all my relationships, I thought like a team, building a life together. But, when I saw the other was not listening to and respecting me, and not acting like a true team, that made me end it.

Is anybody truly a team? Is it covertly ‘every man for himself’?

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You said something that really nailed a point. Being a team with a mate. In all my relationships, I thought like a team, building a life together. But, when I saw the other was not listening to and respecting me, and not acting like a true team, that made me end it.

Is anybody truly a team? Is it covertly ‘every man for himself’?

Some couples are truly a team. I do believe that this exists and can exist. I just feel utterly hopeless in my own life situation.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

That survey about single and married people of both gender is referring to people married versus unmarried. Single doesn’t mean “not in a relationship”, just isn’t in legally binding union (which comes with its challenges and many women are very unhapy married but have hard time leaving due to kids or finances so women who went through that aren’t quick to legally marry again). So I wouldn’t take it as people who are totally alone are happier. Most people of both gender enjoy partnership.

It’s perfectly normal and understandable wanting to be in a relationship and being happier in it. It’s pretty much what most people want-companionship

At this time in your life you might need to be completely focused on other aspects of your life such as building a satisfying career that pays your bills and having your own place to live. Those are very important aspects. It really should be a priority. You’d have more opportunities meeting better quality men then. Especially as we get older most men (possibly all) want somebody independent, if they are independent themselves of course and want serious commitment. If independent professional man in his 40s-50s looking for a wife, he would want independent woman. If you want casual fun, then none of it matters. But it’s not satisfying to you anymore.

I’d also say if you only took “months” between men and you didn’t really ever have long time commited relationships, then it seems you go from one short encounter to another wuth no time to reflect in between. After break you feel lonely so you go for next one. While wuth next guy you are still reflecting on what happened with previous guy. Its like a cycle. If you don’t sufficirntly reflect on what happened in las relationship, you are bound to get entangled in the mess again. Give yourself time to fully reflect. I am not saying sit on
a couch and reflect but very busy with other things so you don’t ruminate too much or miss your exes

When you ready to date, do go for more established men. At age 20 it’s fine but in late 40s lack of education and a satisfying career and some basic material comfort (not saying rich) is not cute in a man. Also do try to eventually go for men who you wouldn’t normally go for. I am not saying go for boring men who don’t share your interest. But clearly going for the same type of men dudnt get you what you want. So try different ones. Challenge yourself

But not now. Do other things now. I’d also recommend not to work from home. Eventually I’d think in your situation being single it’s better to work outside of home. Just what I think

47 is not the end of the road! Plenty of people find loves of their lives later in life. You are young

Wait, what's wrong with working from home? I work from home and it's a very serious day of work. I have recognized that I need to get out and socialize though so I joined a meet up group so I can go to happy hour and be around people. I also go to client meetings and networking events. So if your point is just socializing, I get that...but my business is home-based, and it's very serious, so I don't know why working from home should matter.

Seesaw

Originally Posted by seesaw

Wait, what's wrong with working from home? I work from home and it's a very serious day of work. I have recognized that I need to get out and socialize though so I joined a meet up group so I can go to happy hour and be around people. I also go to client meetings and networking events. So if your point is just socializing, I get that...but my business is home-based, and it's very serious, so I don't know why working from home should matter.

Seesaw

I agree with seesaw on this. I get out plenty to socialize. I've worked from home for seven years and prefer and love it (for the most part). I do get lonely sometimes but I hate office environments... I am better working from home though I understand the concerns around it (i.e. Possible isolation). I do get out at least 3-4 times a week to socialize.

[healingme4me]

How have you typically gotten yourself noticed by these men?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Wait, what's wrong with working from home? I work from home and it's a very serious day of work. I have recognized that I need to get out and socialize though so I joined a meet up group so I can go to happy hour and be around people. I also go to client meetings and networking events. So if your point is just socializing, I get that...but my business is home-based, and it's very serious, so I don't know why working from home should matter.

Seesaw

Nothing wrong working from home. My brother does. Just going by what golden shared previously about her life it seemed that working among others might be a better setting for her. She even said herself that working from home doesn’t allow her to share with colleagues and get feedback. You run your own business which is different.

It was just a suggestion based on what she shared. Of course there is nothing wrong with working from home. I never said that it’s wrong.

[Katanja]

I would have two messages for you. Firstly, you need to be happy with yourself and do not look for happiness in other people. Initially, the will be someone who wants to go through life by your side. The best part, is that your happiness only depends on your attitude. So you have control over all.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Some couples are truly a team. I do believe that this exists and can exist. I just feel utterly hopeless in my own life situation.

We are a team. But granted it’s my second marriage. In my first one we were only a team in parenting. Other than that team work was lacking for us hence we were better off divorced.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Nothing wrong working from home. My brother does. Just going by what golden shared previously about her life it seemed that working among others might be a better setting for her. She even said herself that working from home doesn’t allow her to share with colleagues and get feedback. You run your own business which is different.

It was just a suggestion based on what she shared. Of course there is nothing wrong with working from home. I never said that it’s wrong.

Oh, okay. I thought you had some insight that it was unattractive to potential suitors if you work from home versus in an office. So I was curious as to what that insight was. But I see what you were saying now. I wasn't offended, just curious what you meant by it.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

We are a team. But granted it’s my second marriage. In my first one we were only a team in parenting. Other than that team work was lacking for us hence we were better off divorced.

That's so funny to think of for me. I think of my parents' marriage...I don't think they were a team, like working together, towards anything. In fact they seemed only out to "get" each other, backstab each other, do things behind the other's back, hurt the other. It did not seem like one thing they did had any sort of tie in to a mutual goal. And I know I didn't see everything, but they weren't exactly private about anything, so I saw a lot.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Oh, okay. I thought you had some insight that it was unattractive to potential suitors if you work from home versus in an office. So I was curious as to what that insight was. But I see what you were saying now. I wasn't offended, just curious what you meant by it.

Oh no. I didn’t mean that it’s somehow wrong thing to do. And of course it all depends on what people prefer. I personally would not like working from home because I like hustle and bustle and can’t sit still but ton of people do it and like it! Of course I didn’t mean any offense

Originally Posted by healingme4me

How have you typically gotten yourself noticed by these men?

Bars, online, through friends.... mainly.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Nothing wrong working from home. My brother does. Just going by what golden shared previously about her life it seemed that working among others might be a better setting for her. She even said herself that working from home doesn’t allow her to share with colleagues and get feedback. You run your own business which is different.

It was just a suggestion based on what she shared. Of course there is nothing wrong with working from home. I never said that it’s wrong.

Yes.... I understand. Thing is, I am definitely better off working from home for some reason. Office noise makes me crazy... annoying co-workers can also make me crazy. It comes with its own set of pluses and minuses.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

That's so funny to think of for me. I think of my parents' marriage...I don't think they were a team, like working together, towards anything. In fact they seemed only out to "get" each other, backstab each other, do things behind the other's back, hurt the other. It did not seem like one thing they did had any sort of tie in to a mutual goal. And I know I didn't see everything, but they weren't exactly private about anything, so I saw a lot.

Seesaw

Same here in some ways. My parents were a team in some ways and very much not a team in others as my dad kind of ran a show, he is controlling and both I and my brother are like him in a way, milder version. My mom is “too nice” type. I didn’t have a good marriage model at all. They did get better with age but it sucked when we were young. My mom is very sick now with cancer and she might be losing a battle and my dad is pretty good taking care of her (even when we do things he has to feel like he is running a show) but he is having hard dealing with it in some ways (he gets very stressed). We are terrified how he’ll handle it if mom won’t make it. At times I think they’d be better off divorced but who knows. Maybe not.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Yes.... I understand. Thing is, I am definitely better off working from home for some reason. Office noise makes me crazy... annoying co-workers can also make me crazy. It comes with its own set of pluses and minuses.

Makes sense. We all got to do what works for us. I love noise. Silence drives me crazy lol

[FallDuskTrain]

Eve
Is that okay if I suggest my sincere opinion? I am just very concerned that you will be upset....
So, here is my opinion: fix you first, fix your life without romance, focus on your housing situation and your new employment. Focus on your inner peace, your heart and focus on healing yourself without a romance in the picture. Try to do it alone. Please do try to better your life independent from the romance. Let the romance wagon go for now. And get back on it when you heal enough. I don’t have a timeline to suggest but i suggest that you remain single for as long as possible to heal inner you...
I don’t think you (or anyone else in this situation) have the time to focus on romance, now. Your energy and time are better spent on focusing your inner peace, your career and housing situation. Focus on making Eve great without a romance. Romance will come later. Focus on you, stay single for a good amount time to figure out the other aspects of your life, to fill the other holes in your life.
I think bringing in romance to your life, when it is not the right time, will only slow you down in other aspects of your life. While romance and partnership might temporarily help you deal with your problems, it won’t fix anything and it will add to your problems.
Please try to accept the possibility that this is not the season for romance.
There is a season for everyone.
I wonder if you are addicted to romance? This may be a question and a tough reality you might need to focus on?

[TishaBuv]

Addicted to romance- good point. That feeling of connecting with someone, thinking they are your soul mate, then getting disappointed with their flaws and not committing. This could be a possibility, Eve.

And don’t get me started about my parent’s partnership, oh boy. I had bad role models.

But it is a very critical part of why people are together. A team, working to build up. When that doesn’t work, the relationship falls apart.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Eve
Is that okay if I suggest my sincere opinion? I am just very concerned that you will be upset....
So, here is my opinion: fix you first, fix your life without romance, focus on your housing situation and your new employment. Focus on your inner peace, your heart and focus on healing yourself without a romance in the picture. Try to do it alone. Please do try to better your life independent from the romance. Let the romance wagon go for now. And get back on it when you heal enough. I don’t have a timeline to suggest but i suggest that you remain single for as long as possible to heal inner you...
I don’t think you (or anyone else in this situation) have the time to focus on romance, now. Your energy and time are better spent on focusing your inner peace, your career and housing situation. Focus on making Eve great without a romance. Romance will come later. Focus on you, stay single for a good amount time to figure out the other aspects of your life, to fill the other holes in your life.
I think bringing in romance to your life, when it is not the right time, will only slow you down in other aspects of your life. While romance and partnership might temporarily help you deal with your problems, it won’t fix anything and it will add to your problems.
Please try to accept the possibility that this is not the season for romance.
There is a season for everyone.
I wonder if you are addicted to romance? This may be an irrelevant question but worth thinking about?

Good points. Some tough questions. I’d ask yourself do you want to be in a serious relationship with marriage prospects with a man who works few hours a day, lives with his parents, possibly doesn’t have health insurance and can’t afford to rent an apartment plus is still upset over two recent break ups. The answer is likely NO. When he gets a job and pays his own bills and has place to live and is over his relationships, then he might be a good prospect. Same here. Chances of meeting marriage prospect will greatly increase with bettering ones own life. Saying that it doesn’t mean one can’t just go have fun. Or date casually. If that’s the goal

[Macd123]

Bright side - there’s a massive amount of freedom with singleness. It’s lonely at times but it gives you room to challenge yourself. You’re young - take a breath and enjoy the solo journey. Jesus, I feel like the Dali Llama...... 🙏

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Addicted to romance- good point. That feeling of connecting with someone, thinking they are your soul mate, then getting disappointed with their flaws and not committing. This could be a possibility, Eve.

And don’t get me started about my parent’s partnership, oh boy. I had bad role models.

But it is a very critical part of why people are together. A team, working to build up. When that doesn’t work, the relationship falls apart.

Good point on team work and common goals. Those change with age. At younger age people might team up with a goal of raising a family, when kids are grown goals change and team got to focus on something else etc But no long term relationship will survive on just fun and chemistry and romance without team work and common goals. It only works in fairy tales and Hollywood movies. Romance doesn’t have to die of course but it’s not enough